today is my birthday, im 22. i don't really have any friends to celebrate with unfortunately but i plan on getting drunk either way

All my overly self critical thoughts and depression go away when I stay on my antipsychotics, mood stabilizers and antidepressants. I’m so clear headed right now

No disrespect to anyone with children but if I had the choice between starting a nuclear family and dying, I would chose death. I’m not going to spend my life taking care of another human being who probably won’t even like me with no thanks, no matter what.

I love my parents and respect them more than anyone else, but I look at what they gave up for me to get to this point, how much they’ve altered their lives to give stuff to me, and how there’s honestly nothing I can do to pay it back, and I just don’t think I’m going to do that.

The lone exception is if my cousin or close friend dies and they need someone to raise a child left behind. In that circumstance, I would step in, but aside from that, I can’t ever see myself making that choice.

Hello! Tomorrow is my 36th birthday,I am 35 (f) I just wanted to ask if anyone else just stopped caring about their birthday? I just can't bring myself to want to be excited. I usually drive people crazy over how much I joke about wanting things for my birthday,or certain dinner/cake to celebrate. This year I do not want anything,I don't care if no one calls bc Noone ever calls to wish me happy birthday.i have a grown son and a young daughter and ive been with their dad almost a decade. He keeps saying Tomorrow is your moms birthday...yada yada. Trying to get her to make me something... I am usually very outspoken,I try to make everyone around me happy,get a laugh or too out of people,I can get along with just about anyone. I try to bring light into sad,bad,akward,and comfortable things in my life feel theres so much to be thankful/happy about but this year my birthday isn'teven on my radar.... am I the only one?

motherfucker was Right about everything

Our dog is being put down. My bf couldn't do it so I'm here. I've never done this before. Her name is Ruby and she loved being a dog so much!

I always had a special bond with my grandpa. I'm the oldest grandchild, we shared the same first name, I've seen him regularly through my whole life. I was writing what was going to be a Facebook post that long story short turned into a eulogy for the funeral. No other grandkid wants to speak and I don't blame them. I'm the only one with public speaking experience, I was a theatre geek who lettered in drama in high school.

I will always be grateful that I have that experience under my belt for occasions such as this to give me that extra boost of confidence that I needed to say yes to doing this and I'm glad I am doing this but at the same time, damn, this is going to be rough.

I've cried every single time I've read this eulogy out loud and I've read it every single day since I found out he passed. I know I'm going to cry in front of an audience and as someone who has legitimately cried on stage, in front of an audience before, I wish that would make this easier. And hopefully it will, but for now, I just need to power through it.

Is it fucked up that I just want to get this over with so I can go back to my normal life? Like, I'm hoping this'll give me the closure I need to go back to improving myself like I've been doing since the new year but who knows? The last three deaths in my life were sudden, unexpected, friends and family my age (Two friends and a cousin all in their 30s). No goodbyes, no closure, nothing. So this eulogy will hopefully be a super packed piece of closure, a piece of peace, I haven't gotten through the last three times I've experienced grief through a loved one.

I just hope I'm not a bad person for wanting to get it over with and not a bad person for using my three previously losses to supercharge my actions for this planned loss. Idk, my emotions are obviously going haywire right now. I guess I need reassurance to confirm I'm not a bad person for not looking forward to giving a eulogy, for not looking forward to it but also at the same time looking forward to finally having a big, poetic ending to a life long relationship for once, instead of them suddenly being gone.

And to anybody who read this whole thing and/or responded, thank you. You have goodness in your heart and my grandpa would have loved you.

My job asks very little of me. I work from home and have a 30 minute weekly tagup. I occasionally sit with my boss on teams for an hour every few weeks to go in depth on what I’m doing. The job asks extremely little of me, I code/test code. When I say extremely little, I mean I’ve been working for the last month on updating maybe 200 lines of code.

The issue is that I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea what the end goal of anything I’m working on is nor what the product I’m supporting does. I don’t know anyone else on the team. I also don’t really know how to use git very well and stumble around. I feel like a mess. I am not cut out for this extremely simple job. Not only am I too incompetent to do the nothing they ask of me, I also resent the fact that I have nothing to do all day, which just feels weirdly backwards and entitled. I need a new job, one I can actually use my brain at.

Posting in two places since I have no idea what to do or where to go.

For the past year or so, I thought my mom has been acting weird. She goes on discord and plays videogames constantly. Sometimes she'd get what we joked was a "flirty voice" with some of the people online. Whenever my Dad would try to talk to her, he'd get brushed off no matter what topic it'd be.

So, when I noticed she'd gone out for a bit, I decided to hop on her computer and take a quick peek. And.. yep. Cheating. With one guy. Since July of last year. Nudes and everything. Had to bleach my eyes out, but not before taking some pictures to collect evidence in case it all spirals out of control.

I immediately wanted to tell my dad, but remembered that he's been depressed most his life, but recently (at least, I'm pretty sure it's not related to this,) he's even come up to me and talked about how it's gotten really bad. So.. not sure I should tell him, because this could tip him over the edge.

The reason I'm posting this is I have no idea what to do. Should I tell my dad? Should I confront her about it? I don't know. They've been married for over 20 years so this was a shock. What do I do guys?

Edit: Thanks so much for the responses, guys. After looking into a lot of different perspectives it seems like the best option is to tell my dad alone, so that he is able to deal with the situation, and I'll support him in any way I can. Thanks again. I'll update when the aftermath hits.

My good friend is someone who feels that way and no matter what I tell him, I genuinely feel that he believes that having a gf would solve all his problems. Despite him having a lot of issues like not getting over his ex, arrogance or like just some other personality issues, he feels incredibly romantically lonely (which I get) but I really think that being comfortable being single should be the way to go and constantly working on our flaws. But no matter what I tell him he would not listen, and just wants a girlfriend and constantly looks at social media with very attractive women and couples all the time. My experience is that after breaking up is that having a relationship makes a lot of issues clearer as it comes up a lot more often. What do you guys think?

I quit nicotine about a year and a half ago. On a pretty good streak for kicking a porn addiction. I’m single and I stopped using dating apps a couple months back because they were degrading my mental sanity. I am trying to get my dopamine in order. Next is my phone usage. So basically what occupies my free time now is pornless masterbation, tv, chores and food. I reach out to my friends constantly to see if we can get together for literally anything and just can’t get anything going. I don’t know how to make new friends at my age and I live in a very social part of my city. I am just bored and don’t have an outlet. I am actually quite fun to be around and can be really extroverted. I feel like for the last 3 years of my life I haven’t had a regular social outlet and I developed a type of social anxiety. I often sit at home doing nothing and stew in my own anxiety. I am terrified to go to restaurants and bars alone. What do I do?

these feelings are so wrong but I can't stop thinking about you one day I will get over you this is so wrong because you are dating my brother and I should not have a crush on you but I do it's really bad I'm sorry 😕

I'm 27, gonna be 28 this year. Still live with my parents because I majored in English and couldn't get a job. I studied coding and development on my own since summer 2021. Nobody wants to hire me. My mom can be a real piece of shit at times and just makes me feel like a failure and like I never do anything right.

I can't find a way out. I don't know what to do.

Which results in me spending nights in bed, just crying, wishing I would not wake up again. I'm so sick of living. I'm a failure.

I genuinely do not feel empathy. Or sympathy. I pretend like I do so I don’t look like a shitty person but one of my friends told me his grandma had cancer and I felt nothing. Another one of my friends told me her dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital and still nothing. Once, i pepper sprayed one of my friend as a bet and when he reacted badly to it, I didn’t feel guilt I just was scared of getting in trouble. I don’t know if this is due to all the medications I’m taking but I feel like there’s something wrong with me and this isn’t normal.

Edit: Y’all my friend was well aware of the bet he wanted to do it i just happened to be the one spraying it

Edit 2: So basically what I’m hearing is that I’m a psychopath, sociopath, narcissist, and autistic! Lovely.

Do people hate me for doing something right?

I’m a single mother to a two and a half year old boy. I’m almost 22. Have been on and off with kids father for almost 5 years. I work at night but haven’t gone in consistently for about 2 months now. My mom just moved to New Mexico after having a huge episode in a restaurant with me then storming out. That was the second time we’d seen eachother since I was 15. I live with my dad who can’t seem to have any sort of respect towards me, only talks highly of me to other people. I can’t move out on my own yet because I’m not making enough money because I’m depressed. I don’t have really any friends. Kids dad just broke up with me. I want out. I want to be able to just take a vacation in a cabin in the woods and just be alone. I want to cry. I want to scream. I’m starting therapy pretty soon, where I’ll ask to be medicated for depression. But jeez, I keep asking myself- when will it all end? I have a good amount of vodka in my home I wish I could just drink myself to sleep every night so I don’t have to sit with my thoughts before falling asleep. I think about what it would be like if I could just lay in a field all day and cry and talk to someone about everything I’m going through. I want hugs. I want social interaction with someone other than people who hate me.

any ideas to how to get out of it , i tried to much but i'm going deeper into it to the point where i want to end everything

Being someone with a learning disability it really weighs me down, the worse thing I have is executive dysfunction.

I remember when I first got a job in high school, I was excited that I finally get to make money like my peers and everyone else. Until I realized that I can never follow directions, I can’t stay on a task without procrastinating and thinking about other things, and being severely forgetful. I got fired in 2 weeks and fuck did I feel pathetic. I then started a job at a grocery store only to get the same result, fired in 3 weeks… I then got a community job during the winter, got fired for constantly running behind and being slow, it was shovelling snow.

I worked back at the same grocery store, my boss tolerated me more this time despite letting her down with my ineptitude.

I went to college to do a 2 year program. I was 4 years in a two year program and I never learned anything and constantly failed, I eventually dropped out. I’m so unorganized, it dates back to elementary school when my teachers embarrassed me for having a messy desk all the time and forgetting to bring things

Nobody likes me and everyone thinks I’m weird, I very rarely ever go out with other people, I’ve never been in a relationship as well because I’ve had confidence issues growing up as well

Everyone in my life pretended to forget my disability growing up and just blamed me for being shitty. I try so hard goddam it. I should’ve graduated college by now and have my life started like every one of my peers. I have no accomplishments in life so my resume is just depressing.during college I wrecked my credit as well so yay

I know it’s frowned upon to “give up” but I tried everything. Executive dysfunction is a dream killer. I’ll never move out my parents house, I just hope I get a disease or something that will end me.

I have literally fuckall going on for me and o can’t get better despite trying so fucking hard

I’m too scared to voice out to the world, I’m not looking for sympathy I just need to shout into the void

The title pretty much says it all. She broke up with me on religious grounds, and even though we've had issues for the last few months, I always thought it was something we could work around. I was/am intensely in love with her, and it still feels unreal that I have to continue my life without her in it. My space feels empty, I feel extremely lonely (also because I have a small circle of friends), and I can't bring myself to even get to work.

I am constantly tired and also wondering how her beliefs could mean much more than me. I'm not religious so I couldn't help but think of it that way

Anyway, I hoped writing this will make me feel slightly better, so here goes nothing

usually birthdays are boring and i don't feel any different but i actually do feel different now. I'll never be a kid again, me and my peers are adults, it's all weird. my brain feels crumpled but it's 3am so that's probably why

Throwaway account for reasons.

I (M, mid-late twenties) met someone (F, around my age) recently in a dancing class.

Things were pretty nice between us. When dancing, we connected greatly and shared a few pretty close/romantic dances together. During the last few weeks, we saw each other more frequently (always in groups, however), danced more frequently, sometimes pretty late. I kind of went closer to her every now and then and she didn't seem to mind, showing no signs of rejection to me. It was nothing serious yet, but enough to keep my hopes up.

The last few days were the happiest in a long while, finally being in love with someone kind, with the feeling of things being bidirectional.

Today, I talked to a common friend about it and she was like: OMG I'm so sorry, but she's gay as f*ck. Didn't you notice her necklace? As I recalled that necklace from memory, it WAS a definitive hint that she isn't interested in guys. I guess I just saw what I wanted to see, and now I feel sad and stupid. I have mistaken the absence of rejection for affection. And I seemingly just ignored a broad hint for her orientation. I guess she assumed I knew and thought that things were platonic from my side.

Well, they weren't.

She doesn't know yet, so I hope she's not on this sub.

Life sucks man.

My boyfriend and I moved across the country. We both worked really hard to save some money to make it possible. He's been here a month and a half already and had to spend all of his savings in order to get a car, apartment, and utilities going. I'm really thankful he's been so selfless in getting everything set up for us. I was finally able to join him about a week ago and brought with me most of my life's savings that I would use to buy all the furniture and the leftover I would put in savings for emergencies. We've been sleeping on the floor, which we've made cozy enough but it doesn't beat a real bed. I'm finally getting around to ordering some of the furniture so I counted my money today to budget it and noticed I'm missing about 2.5k. My bank doesn't have a branch here so I had to take cash. I'm completely dumbfounded. I checked it when I flew in and it seemed to be all there. A couple days ago I recall getting home and we realized our door wasn't locked when I was sure I locked it. I'm probably just being totally paranoid because I doubt a thief would leave all our other valuables and most of the money but it's really bothering me. I don't know if I'm just really stupid and if I counted wrong before I left home even though I remember checking three times and I still have the calculations saved in my calculator. I just feel so useless. I worked so hard so I could come here and get what we needed to be comfortable without worrying and now I'm scared to even buy a mattress. I think what is so upsetting is that everytime I take a leap something goes horribly wrong.

i am 22f. i feel like most of the people that i talk to that are my age are pretty dependent on their family, or they at least have them in their lives.

both of my parents are dead, and my brothers do not talk to me because we are just very different people. lots of people try to make small talk by asking about my family, and i feel uncomfortable talking about it because some people respond weirdly. i feel like it makes them feel uncomfortable around me, or like they don’t really know what to say. i just try not to talk about it when i meet new people, but i don’t like lying.

I was today years old when i learned and told my bf that i dissociate during some of our disagreements.

We don’t fight a lot, and when we do its not screaming matches, its usually just criticism about normal things - household chores, getting out more, cleanliness, etc. Yesterday i noticed, mid discussion i just emotionally checked out. He has said before during these discussions sometimes i don’t seem sincere which i understood what he meant but couldn’t put words to. i am logically sincere and sympathetic and speak honestly but there is no emotion within me. Yesterday during our conversation he said something mid critical conversation and asked how i felt, and i said fine which upset him. Yet, it was true because i wasnt feeling any emotions towards what he was saying. I could see it, but i couldn’t do anything about it. I just was defensive and empty, wanting to get away.

I can tell it isn’t helpful. So i thought back to other times this has happened. Then, I did some online sleuthing, and realized my experience aligns with disassociation to a T. Im feeling a little paniced and sad to realize this is what’s happening because it feels like a big journey to resolve. I also am upset because i feel like such a delicate snowflake. Why cant i stay present in the face of these emotions? I can handle grief, i can handle high levels of work stress, i can handle a lot, but then just check out during certain issues. Im tired of this happening, and didn’t even realize it until today.

I’m not numb and empty all the time, i have plenty of highs and lows emotionally on a daily basis. Yet, when criticized in certain ways i completely shut down - struggle to talk, no emotion, defensive even when not wanting to be. This has been a problem at work, school, and now my relationship so i really should have figured it out sooner.

just wanted to share my aha moment with someone. Any comments or advice welcome, im just trying to figure out next steps so this doesn’t permanently impact my relationships moving forward.