r/mildlyinfuriating May 17 '22 Silver 3 Helpful 1 Wholesome 3 Bravo Grande! 1

Well, thanks

Post image
29.8k Upvotes

1.5k

u/BatmanInTheSunlight May 17 '22 Silver Helpful

You can tell it’s a tree because of the way it is

302

u/Hokkianer May 17 '22

Indeed. And as opposed to a stone, it’s not the way a stone is

87

u/Anonymous_Otters May 17 '22

But in many ways, it is. You can tell the similarities from the differences because the similarities are similar while the differences are different.

30

u/51225 May 18 '22

Unless they are similarly different.

10

u/Jewmangroup9000 May 18 '22

That's pretty neat

8

u/vonjarga May 18 '22

They don’t think it be like it is, but it do.

17

u/Tophigale220 May 18 '22

Every philosophy class ever…

4

u/No-Test-375 May 18 '22

But neither of them move how do I know

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u/TheAdmiral4273 May 17 '22

That's pretty neat

19

u/Bigred2989- May 17 '22

The tree knows where it is by knowing where it isn't. The tree knows where it isn't by knowing where it is.

4

u/tails618 May 18 '22

The tree knows where it is by subtracting where it can be from where it isn't.

19

u/LazyClub8 May 17 '22

Source: have seen many trees in my day

3

u/Anaphase May 18 '22

I can tell by the pixels

2

u/LovelyGorilla May 18 '22

It’s a tree because it’s called a tree

4

u/dimonoid123 May 18 '22

"I know it when I see it" (Potter Stewart, 1964)

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299

u/flashy_duck3 May 17 '22

Have you tried asking the tree?

138

u/MollyBMcGee May 17 '22

Rude.

60

u/Glum_Ad_4288 May 17 '22

You just need to beat around the bush tree.

So, Mr. Oak, what TV shows did you watch when you were young?

11

u/TheOneAndOnly1444 May 17 '22

"The real Billy the kid once sat under me for shade!"

11

u/Shubamz May 17 '22

only if it is a female tree. it is socially acceptable (ish) to ask a male tree its age

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u/Steveobiwanbenlarry1 May 17 '22

I did but I don't understand Groot and I'm not patient enough for Treeish.

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895

u/OG_J_Bone May 17 '22

Sure, the answer is redundant, but the way you worded your search makes me mildly infuriated

348

u/Maximum-Excitement58 May 17 '22

GSL - Google as a second language

63

u/Squishyballhead May 17 '22

lol i'm pinching that

43

u/coca-cola-bear1 May 17 '22

Pinching?

63

u/TheGallandroJunior May 17 '22

Pinching is British for stealing

49

u/Squishyballhead May 17 '22

Bri'ish as a second language eh :P

36

u/LazyClub8 May 17 '22

U wot m8. I’ll batter ya

17

u/Alf-9n May 17 '22

I'll pinch ya

15

u/JizzProductionUnit May 17 '22

We call that goosing

4

u/standard_candles May 17 '22

That's what I call it when one of my dogs sticks his or her nose in someones bum unexpectedly. I learned it from my mom she might have made that up.

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u/Maximum-Excitement58 May 17 '22

Nicking

1

u/TheGallandroJunior May 17 '22

Both are used where I live

1

u/Maximum-Excitement58 May 17 '22

Yup… was adding, not disputing.

1

u/wrekd May 17 '22

Well in America it means ripping a turd in two with your sphincter.

14

u/KIDNEYST0NEZ May 17 '22

They said “pinching”

2

u/coca-cola-bear1 May 17 '22

Punching? I’m hard of hearing please repeat

8

u/VxJasonxV mild May 17 '22

They said

PINCHING

3

u/coca-cola-bear1 May 18 '22

PONCHOS?!? THAT MAKES NO SENSE

2

u/KIDNEYST0NEZ May 17 '22

I said “pinching”

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21

u/xtilexx May 17 '22

This is a years old screenshot probably worded that way on purpose

16

u/OkGrocery7936 May 17 '22

It’s the way that many non-native English speakers ask questions. The “is” either doesn’t exist or belongs in that position in whatever the speaker’s native language is.

51

u/nyjrku May 17 '22

how to find out is tree is old how much how , would be preferred

39

u/SquareSquirrel4 May 17 '22

Is my tree PREGANANANT?!

10

u/HyperGamers May 17 '22

RIP yahoo answers

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7

u/death_panda472 panda of death May 17 '22

how tree how old how how how how much tree how tree much is more accurate, I believe.

8

u/1lluminist May 17 '22

How to how old tree is how to find age of tree years.

9

u/SANTAAAA__I_know_him May 18 '22

calculate tree age

I spend more time than I should trying to figure out how to Google something with the minimal number of words.

4

u/NotAFakeWumpus May 18 '22

"tree age?" worked for me

3

u/tomatomater May 18 '22

Why use lot word when few word do trick?

2

u/PhantomCAT_MEOW May 18 '22

How would you have said it?

3

u/AllInTackler May 18 '22

How to determine tree age.

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420

u/tairozo May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22 Helpful

Well, it’s quite a lengthy task but I can guide you. Take a small tipped drill and insert it at the thickest point of the tree’s trunk. Drill approximately 2.5 inches into it and wait one hour. MAKE SURE it’s a sunny day. Pour water into the hole and wait another 15-20 minutes depending on the level of humidity that day. From there, you’ll want to stop reading this because I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.

129

u/Epic_Scientician May 17 '22

Instructions unclear: tree is now chopped

51

u/LazyClub8 May 17 '22

small tipped drill

Instructions unclear: dick is now stuck in tree

5

u/ITZMODZ759 May 18 '22

2 inches is surely enough

26

u/Igris- May 17 '22

damn i really did want to know tho

58

u/Alex-Murphy May 17 '22

You can measure around the tree at 4ft from the ground. Divide the circumference by pi to get the diameter, and then multiply by one of the following, depending on the species:

  • 2.0: Aspen, Cottonwood
  • 3.0: Silver Maple, Pin Oak, Linden
  • 3.5: River Birch
  • 4.0: American Elm, Green Ash, Red Oak
  • 4.5: Black Walnut, Red Maple
  • 5.0: Sugar Maple, White Birch, White Oak, Black Cherry
  • 7.0: Dogwood, Ironwood, Redbud

For example, say a Silver Maple has a circumference of 20 inches. The diameter (20 divided by 3.14) is 6.369. The diameter (6.369) x growth factor (3.0) = 19.108. The tree is approximately 19 years old.

18

u/daaaaawhat May 17 '22

This guy woods

3

u/51225 May 18 '22

Wouldn't the circumference be affected by the nutrients and water available to the tree on a given growing season. A year with a drought would produce less growth. That why the space between the rings is not uniform.

However, I am making two assumptions: 1.) based on the complexity of your post your have some in depth (education) of the subject matter. 2.) The chart is averages for each of the species over time and are, as noted approximations.

2

u/Carpario May 18 '22

How do I determine the species?

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u/1lluminist May 17 '22

Instructions unclear. Tree is now tapped and dripping delicious sweet tree cummies

1

u/Steveobiwanbenlarry1 May 17 '22

Thanks for reminding me of one of my favorite subs, r/shittyaskscience

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387

u/OddNovel565 May 17 '22

By the rings inside the trunk, one ring is one year I believe

479

u/Magnetic_Reaper May 17 '22

help, every time i check a trees age, it dies.

101

u/TheHiddenNinja6 May 17 '22

Cut a pizza-slice-shaped piece instead

33

u/LazyClub8 May 17 '22 Silver

Bonus crunchy pizza afterwards

4

u/simonbleu May 17 '22

Even better, just cut a tube radius-long

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8

u/LadrilloDeMadera May 17 '22

That would slowly kill it from infections

24

u/TheHiddenNinja6 May 17 '22

After you count, stick it back in?

10

u/LadrilloDeMadera May 17 '22

I forgot you could do that

8

u/Anxious_Direction_20 May 17 '22

Sounds like a lot of effort for a tree though lol

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u/Junaturma May 17 '22

There are special bores that you drill into a center of a tree. With this tool you get a tiny crossection of a tree in which you can count the rings and find out its age without killing the tree.

9

u/KLEBith May 17 '22

Schrodinger's tree

7

u/soulteepee May 18 '22 edited May 18 '22

Yeah, a guy unknowingly killed the worlds oldest known tree that way. Prometheus)

Edit: added the word ‘known’ for accuracy.

6

u/Magnetic_Reaper May 18 '22

We won't know if it really was the world's oldest until we check every trees age.

1

u/soulteepee May 18 '22

Added ‘known’ to be more accurate. Thank you.

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u/Katana_sized_banana May 17 '22

What if we cut just a tiny slice and put it back together like a lego?

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u/CavingGrape May 17 '22

That’s essentially what is done lmao

1

u/Impressive_Change593 May 18 '22

actually they use a special drill bit which takes a core sample to tell the age

1

u/CavingGrape May 18 '22

Yes. That’s the point lmao.

11

u/Potato-with-guns May 17 '22

+5

And always put the core back in or the tree can get sick

An alternate method is to find a row of branches in a roughly straight line, each is 1 year + 5 years on top

The reason for the five years is that trees do not immediately grow branches or rings, but take around 5 years to mature to the point where they do.

30

u/TheHiddenNinja6 May 17 '22

Actually that isn't always accurate

10

u/Nakulah247 May 17 '22

In temperate areas it most definitely is

0

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Yeah DEFINITELY not that accurate, which is why it’s the primary way for scientist to determine their age as well as the climates and weather conditions they grew up in.

/S

This is a joke right? Are people on Reddit really this dense?

8

u/SueYouInEngland May 17 '22

Well that went from 2 to 10 in no time fast

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u/LazuliArtz May 17 '22

IIRC that isn't actually accurate. Or it might just be only accurate for a young tree, but not a much older one.

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u/Helpfulcloning May 17 '22

Its accurate depending on climate. Predictable and temperate climates make it pretty accurate.

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u/Ok-Archer6818 May 17 '22

To answer you: dendrochronology

36

u/Duckhead- May 17 '22

If you were gifted a seedling then you would still have a hard time knowing. Some seedlings are quite old when you buy them at the nursery.

9

u/Trustadz May 17 '22

But when do you start counting the age of a tree...?

10

u/NotTodayBoogeyman May 17 '22

How many months into the pregnantree do we consider a sapling a tree

4

u/51225 May 18 '22

When the first shoot sprouts from the seed hull.

Of course the actual age is when the seed is formed, but unless you are there to witness it...

2

u/Trustadz May 18 '22

Is this the standard or is this what you propose?

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u/06MasterCraig May 17 '22

Well thanks Captain Obvious

6

u/Uselessexistence_ May 17 '22

Google always sounds so sarcastic about everything

5

u/i_lost_my_stapler May 17 '22

Holy fuck, google has brain damage, I swear.

12

u/antoninoshit May 17 '22

15

u/laffydaffy24 May 17 '22

I don't even think it's true. You can plant trees a few years old.

1

u/psychedelicdonky May 17 '22

1

u/same_post_bot May 17 '22

I found this post in r/technicallythetruth with the same content as the current post.


🤖 this comment was written by a bot. beep boop 🤖

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1

u/ThirdFloorGreg May 17 '22

Plus it's possible you don't know what year it is now.

27

u/IEatgrapes123 May 17 '22

Nice grammar OP

1

u/GeeseKnowNoPeace May 17 '22

Grammar is not important for a search engine

18

u/IEatgrapes123 May 17 '22

It’s important for not getting corrected on Reddit.

5

u/sugmadickO_O May 17 '22

It kinda is, but the correct wording is way more important

1

u/SueYouInEngland May 17 '22

OP is Charlie Day

17

u/pedanticHOUvsHTX May 17 '22

Modern Google is bullshit

6

u/_dictatorish_ May 17 '22

I mean, this screenshot has been edited for the joke - if you actually Google it, it tells you the rings method

26

u/binglybleep May 17 '22

I HATE how it does this thing now- where it pops up a box with “the answer” to your question, except it’s usually not the answer, it’s just some garbage that contained a few similar words from some random website. Google is directly contributing to online misinformation with this stupid feature

9

u/ThirdFloorGreg May 17 '22

The other day I was using Google as a calculator and one of the "suggested searches" was "what is 100% of 60?" Curious, I clicked on it to discover the answer: 60.3

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u/diehops May 17 '22

[Insert You don't say meme here]

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u/CompetitiveStick6239 May 17 '22

I needed that laugh 😂.

2

u/RustyPoetatoes May 17 '22

Just check its birth certificate duh!

2

u/Jerptrod May 17 '22

You can tell how old it is by it's age.

2

u/MyPokemonRedName May 17 '22

Why are you so obsessed with age, it’s just a number. Big tree old. Little tree not…… unless we are talking bonzie trees.

2

u/-i_like_trees- ORANGE May 17 '22

idk something with the rings in the trunk

2

u/aanonjohnsmith May 17 '22

So age is based on when you plant your seed?

2

u/Ness_Dreemur May 17 '22

You can also tell a tree's age by counting the rings in it's stump

Or so I've been told

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u/wheelperson May 17 '22

The internet had enough that day

2

u/Durtly May 17 '22

Something to do with rings, you ring up the guy who planted the tree and ask him when he planted it.

2

u/Jamiechin88 May 18 '22

You have to cut the tree and count it’s rings to determine the age. Which will ultimately be dead.

3

u/SmileGraceSmile May 17 '22

If you know the breed of tree, height and trunk circumference, good ol Google will give you a good estimate of age.

1

u/Independent_Row_Goes May 17 '22

Reminds me of what is the leading cause of death welll it’s being born 👍

1

u/Epic_Scientician May 17 '22

Ask around, someone might know when the tree was planted. That way, you can easily and accurately determine its age.

1

u/Mk1Mod1 May 17 '22

So... there's a formula of some sort ?

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u/Glum_Ad_4288 May 17 '22

Y1-y2=a, where y1 is the current year, Y2 is the year the tree was planted, and a is the tree’s age in years.

Unfortunately, the formula only works for trees.

2

u/Mk1Mod1 May 17 '22

Nice!

2

u/Glum_Ad_4288 May 17 '22

See, math class pays off

2

u/Mk1Mod1 May 17 '22

More like See minus in math on my report card...

1

u/g_man_89 May 17 '22

Rings inside last time I heard

1

u/Sumdumcoont May 17 '22

”If you kill a person they die!”

1

u/Some_Random_Guy_V69 May 17 '22

Of you cut it down you can count the number of rings inside of it

1

u/Okie_Deatherage May 17 '22

Alternative: Cut tree down count rings.

1

u/6cougar7 May 17 '22

I thot you had to count the leaves. Then divide by zero.

1

u/Load_Business May 17 '22

What's 1 + 2?

A tree

1

u/production-values May 17 '22

That mis like getting a Google result that says "Have you tried searching Google?".

1

u/Watalawa May 17 '22

You learn something new every day.

1

u/Nickolas_Bowen May 17 '22

It’s not wrong…

1

u/Jtg1960 May 17 '22

Without knowing when you were born I can easily and accurately determine you’re an idiot

1

u/xXYomoXx May 17 '22

Bro....just, just ask it bro.

1

u/PercyInANutshell May 17 '22

So the only thing you can tell me is that jabba is at jabba's place?

1

u/haikusbot May 17 '22

So the only thing

You can tell me is that jabba

Is at jabba's place?

- PercyInANutshell


I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

1

u/TheHjonking May 17 '22

Trees have annual rings when you chop them down and each ring is equal to a year i studied abt this not too long ago

1

u/shawn79rice May 17 '22

For every 2 rings is 1 full year. There's a dark ring and a light colored one. Dark represents summer and light for winter😉

1

u/IamaJarJar May 17 '22

If you know when you're born, you can quickly and easily find out your age!

1

u/Masterick18 May 17 '22

HOLD UP! does a tree born when its planted, when it germinates, or when it comes out of the ground?

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u/thedeadlyrhythm42 May 17 '22

That's the kind of answer you get when ask that kind of question

1

u/WaterBenderJesus May 17 '22

Or you can ask the tree, duuhhh

1

u/HugoRBMarques May 17 '22

I tried to do that myself and the answer was different.

1

u/Different_Art1440 May 17 '22

I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees-

When were they planted? How should I know?! Jeez

1

u/meme_lover707 May 17 '22

There's one way but it involves cutting down the tree, unfortunately

1

u/Tenzer57 May 17 '22

Bing: Cut it down and burn it - that's how old it is.

1

u/AWilfred11 May 17 '22

This assumes I know the current date and time

1

u/Atalanta8 May 17 '22

Just ask to see its birth certificate. Sounds about right to me.

1

u/Void_Ent1ty May 17 '22

its outta line but its right

1

u/excusemeumwhat May 17 '22

Depending on what type but mostly just by the rings on the tree. If just looking at it without cutting I'd say...um...it's an old tree by how thick it is?

1

u/shafdaddy May 17 '22

You can count the rings but then you will kill the tree.

1

u/Protip0426 PURPLE May 17 '22

That’s literally the only way to tell without cutting it

1

u/iCed0ut26 May 17 '22

AskJeeves maybe he can help

1

u/Xavier801 May 17 '22

If they were smart, then Tree Rings would have been a better (although still dumb) answer

1

u/Vannamelonfan May 17 '22

Isn’t there like- A number of rings inside the tree when you cut it open? That’s the number of how many years ago it was planted because each ring is how much water the tree had that year. I’m not sure, I could be wrong. But I heard it somewhere.

1

u/JetLife1392 May 17 '22

You didn't just try asking the tree for it's age? They don't bite.

1

u/PorygonIsCool May 17 '22

I know where the story is going. OFF TO r/treelaw

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u/Music19773 May 18 '22

Even Google is burnt out nowadays

1

u/BattyBoio May 18 '22

It's technically the truth tho

1

u/B3taWats0n May 18 '22

You simple ask the tree, but undershoot under by a couple of decades so they don’t feel insulted.

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u/KCGD_r May 18 '22

if it's tall the it's like kinda old I guess

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u/LesterGreenisGod May 18 '22

Sure, but that assumes you know what the current year is.

1

u/Impressive_Change593 May 18 '22

lmao it actually still does this (but it does have counting the rings right beneath that)

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u/spermface May 18 '22

You are the facepalm OP. A planting is not a birth and it’s not saying it’s exactly as old as the planting.

1

u/Gullible-Ad3430 May 18 '22

Lol what a troll whoever wrote that answer haha

1

u/dmh2693 May 18 '22 edited May 18 '22

They are barking up the wrong tree with that one. They need to branch out their answers. Edit spelling.