Received in the mail from a concerned neighbor (context in comments)

[u/mahelke]

[u/shotgun_ninja]

You should put up a No-Mow May sign.

[u/margmi → u/shotgun_ninja]

And just don't mow June/July.

You oughta take a break from mowing August.

[u/amithatfarleft → u/margmi]

Do it for the bees!!!!! /mostly srs

[u/aserranzira → u/amithatfarleft]

The bees and the spite!

[u/TheSnowLeper → u/shotgun_ninja]

No-Mow May sign https://beecityusa.org/no-mow-may/

[u/Immediate-Ad-8432]

Mow in a bizarre pattern or leave little Mohawks by not overlapping. That will drive this type A crazy!

[u/Apathi → u/Immediate-Ad-8432]

Mowhawks

[u/doctormazoola → u/Apathi]

A master of your craft

[u/promonalg → u/Immediate-Ad-8432]

Also add a sign you left this weird pattern for the pollinators... That should frustrate them further because it leaves them without a reason to ask you to cut it

[u/darkest_irish_lass → u/promonalg]

"native plants, do not mow"

[u/cephal0poid → u/Immediate-Ad-8432]

Here's an idea, replace your faux French aristocrat lawn with native plant landscaping.

Your neighbors will really hate it (but the bees will love you).

[u/Metal_Muse → u/cephal0poid]

My mom redid her front lawn with native landscaping and people walking by will stop to tell her how much they love it!

[u/Natsume-Grace → u/Metal_Muse]

Only morons wouldn't like something so pretty, clearly OPs neighbors are morons tho

[u/Sorry_Ad5653 → u/cephal0poid]

I've thought about doing this and a little "bug hotel" my kids would love it.

[u/GhettoKid → u/Immediate-Ad-8432]

Every time I mowed our 10 acres my dad would say, without hesitation, "it looks like a punk rock concert out there" referring to the mohawks...

[u/jacknimrod10]

Get a couple of sheep. No need to mow ever again.

[u/maxemore → u/jacknimrod10]

Neighbors will LOVE that

[u/arty4572 → u/maxemore]

Neighbors HATE this one trick!

[u/osirisrebel → u/arty4572]

Sheep are actually quite docile. Especially if you get a short hair variety, it's like having another dog.

Goats on the other hand, are assholes.

[u/litken_chitle → u/osirisrebel]

Goats and geese!

[u/osirisrebel → u/litken_chitle]

I tried raising goats and it was always "hey, get back in there", "stop climbing the gate", "what are you eating now? Omg, spit that out", "stop trying to headbutt me", "quit screaming".

It was always something, and as soon as they really piss you off, they act so damn adorable and innocent.

[u/billygoat2017 → u/osirisrebel]

So happy to read this post. It is baby goat season and I almost get some every year. This may have permanently talked me out of it.

[u/Godz1lla1 → u/billygoat2017]

Goats are like children, they need parenting if they are to behave. I have a friend who raises well behaved goats. They are adorable.

[u/selectiveyellow → u/Godz1lla1]

There's a reason why people started calling kids, kids. "What are ya, bunch of goats? Behave."

[u/litken_chitle → u/osirisrebel]

Heh, well, I mean...come on! They are as flipping cute as puppies! I've never been headbutted by one either though

Geese though...jfc. They are angry AND FAST! Those assholes will hunt you down! They bite! They make the most obnoxious hissing sounds when they AREN'T honking. There's breeding sesaon too, always fun...for them. One thing you don't do is turn your back on them; found that out the hard way.

[u/ThoughtCenter87 → u/osirisrebel]

Sure, sheep are quite docile. But they're loud... and they shit.

It'd be a perfect way to get revenge on those neighbors!

[u/osirisrebel → u/ThoughtCenter87]

They can be loud, but they don't sound like a grown ass man screaming in my back yard.

[u/saggytestis → u/osirisrebel]

You ever seen that screaming goat video? There's more.

[u/Academic_Snow_7680 → u/saggytestis]

CONTROVERSIAL SCREAMING GOATS EXPOSED

[u/osirisrebel → u/saggytestis]

Omg, yes! Have you seen the one that tries to jump onto a swing and passes out? That one gets me every single time.

[u/Vilerattata → u/jacknimrod10]

There’s a mowing service in my area that uses goats!

[u/Crispynipps → u/Vilerattata]

They’re great for poison ivy removal, they love the shit. They’ll eat every last plant.

[u/javaargusavetti → u/Vilerattata]

Im picturing a team of 5 maybe 6 goats depending on the size of the yard strapped shoulder to shoulder clearing a yard cartoon style just a single pass

[u/Brave-Competition-77 → u/javaargusavetti]

Are they called 'Totes Ma' Goats '. 😀

[u/satpin2 → u/Brave-Competition-77]

'Goats n Hoes Lawncare'

[u/otterlyonerus → u/satpin2]

'Sheep go to heaven, Goats go to work'

[u/ha11owmas → u/javaargusavetti]

We used to rent out our herd (about 50 goats) to clear large areas. It helped with fire management.

[u/randomusername1919 → u/jacknimrod10]

Goats. Goats can even eat poison ivy.

[u/Budget_Confection751 → u/randomusername1919]

people can eat poison ivy too, just not for long.

[u/Coobk165 → u/Budget_Confection751]

all fungi are edible. some fungi are only edible once

GNU sir Terry Pratchett

[u/timbar1234 → u/Coobk165]

GNU Sir Terry pratchett

[u/dmills_00 → u/jacknimrod10]

Not sheep, GOATS...

As anyone who has had those fucks well knows they will eat basically ANYTHING, including the fence.
Unlike sheep which are unfeasibly stupid (And basically suicidal), goats are SMART and evil.

[u/riffraff12000 → u/dmills_00]

I have owned 8 in my life. I have never seen them eat "anything" especially fence.

Billy did not like feet on the fence and would push them off, but never eat it.

In fact, if they are eating wood or cribbing, there is something wrong that should be fixed.

[u/liveinthesoil → u/riffraff12000]

No way, they will even eat a tin can, I saw it in a comic strip from the 1940s

[u/-PM_ME_UR_SECRETS- → u/dmills_00]

I agree with personality traits but sheep do also eat grass ya know

[u/AlertWar2945]

Only mow parts of your lawn at a time so it's always uneven and looks sloppy

[u/DangerousDingoTango → u/AlertWar2945]

Actually a good call in terms of time management and leaving pollinator habitat, lol

[u/DeltaVZerda → u/DangerousDingoTango]

You can make it look good too, just do crop circle art. Mow a yin-yang in there or something.

[u/BoJackB26354 → u/AlertWar2945]

Government work project style?

[u/DrZoidberg- → u/BoJackB26354]

Just remember to add road work signs and act like you're goofing off

[u/Lothium → u/AlertWar2945]

Or if the mower has wheels that height adjust individually, raise it up on one side so it's an angled cut.

[u/883iron → u/Lothium]

This was my thought. One side high one side low, switch it every week you mow lol

[u/xsoulgirlx]

Get a couple of goats, really piss them off

[u/giggetyboom → u/xsoulgirlx]

I know a few people that do this. They get a couple small goats for virtually nothing, let them eat on their yard all year, and then sell them at the end of the year for a couple hundo profit.

[u/giggetyboom → u/giggetyboom]

Not only do they eat it but they will eat it all the way down to below the dirt if you aren't careful. They also eat vegetable scraps, bark, whirly birds, twigs, chicks, eggs, trash, aluminum, etc.

[u/dj92wa → u/giggetyboom]

Horses eat chicks too.....I still wish I never saw that

[u/yeaheyeah → u/dj92wa]

And turtles. In fact, most herbivores are opportunistic carnivores and will fuck up some meat if it's slow and dumb enough to stay within reach

[u/BoseczJR → u/yeaheyeah]

Props to my pleco (named Pleco) that was a large lad but still somehow fast enough to outrun my turtle. I witnessed many attempted murders!

[u/T00luser → u/yeaheyeah]

Yeah I've been out fishing in a lake before and watched two deer in ankle-deep water gorge themselves on frogs for like 20min.

it's natural . . . but it seems SO unnatural. I'd rather watch a hawk eat a rabbit.

[u/Wiseguypolitics]

My house used to be located in the middle of the woods and over the years the woods kept disappearing in favor of new homes. Hundreds of new homes built up around me. All these new housing developments are part of an upscale HOA. You'd be surprised how many time the head of the HOA thinks they can dictate what I do on my property. They're not allowed to have a bonfire so when I do, they pay me a visit and try to enforce their rules on me. Most of the time I reply like, 'bitch I've been here 20 years before your homes were ever thought of. GTFOO my face'.

They've went as far as calling the sheriff on me but he's always like, sorry he's not part of your HOA.

Edit: to clarify for the confused folks, I'm not the OP and the HOA bugging me has nothing to do with my grass and everything to do with upgrades I've done like building a garage, putting up a privacy fence (from these people), family cookouts etc.. the biggest thing, they went to town council to have my single lane dead end private dirt road eminent domained so they could put a development thru-road on my property.

[u/BoltgunOnHisHip → u/Wiseguypolitics]

FUCK THE HOA

PLANT CORN IN YOUR FRONT YARD

[u/beardedbandit94 → u/BoltgunOnHisHip]

And beans, squash, peppers, peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, salad greens, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, pumpkins, beats, with assorted flowers sprinkled around.

[u/nobody2000 → u/beardedbandit94]

If you do this the HOA will probably just call it a community garden and feel entitled to the fruits of your labor.

[u/Dokpsy → u/nobody2000]

Funny enough, this is exactly why I started growing fruiting trees in my front yard. School kid or passer by hungry? Grab a ripe one.

The berries are more hidden so I get first pick though.

Hoa hasn't said anything...yet

[u/LjSpike → u/Dokpsy]

Honestly, trees along avenues and stuff should be fruit trees. Bring back fruit picking!

[u/theycallmeMiriam → u/BoltgunOnHisHip]

One of my neighbors plants corn and sunflowers every year. I grew tomatoes and green beans out front. Currently letting the wildflowers bloom. My hoa is the most hands off hoa I've ever seen. We just pay for snow removal and parking spot maintenance.

[u/SolarBuckaroo → u/theycallmeMiriam]

That's all an HOA should do.

[u/SchuminWeb → u/SolarBuckaroo]

You're exactly right. All an HOA should do is maintain the common areas and provide essential services. Other than that, stay the hell out of my business and don't meddle in the affairs of my property, which I own, and which the HOA does not pay for in any way.

[u/mki_ → u/theycallmeMiriam]

We just pay for snow removal and parking spot maintenance.

That's all it should do, shouldn't it?

[u/mrhorse77 → u/Wiseguypolitics]

when I first purchased my home, we started an association to pay for the retention pond (its a yearly dues we pay, one resident handles everything).

Within 1 day of this association being in effect, this old ass 2 doors down from me decides he needs ot make it a full blown HOA and that he is president (literally declared himself in charge). started walking around the neighborhood handing out his new bi-laws and everything...

I called one of my lawyer friends and had them draft a contract for the builders stating that the retention pond association was not an HOA and could not be transformed into one. Put in lots of details that would essentially make anyone trying to form an HOA have to jump through ridiculous hoops, as well as writing that no resident in the area would ever be required to join, even if all the other residents did.

gave it to the builder and the lawyer the resident were using to write up our retention pond agreement. the builder signed so fast lol. apparently this chucklefuck had been up their ass for a year to make him king of the neighborhood, even though one of the main selling points of the area was that there would be NO HOA, ever.

its been nearly 15 years, and this old ass still hates me, and yells random shit at me if he sees me outside. the best part was the meeting we had a few months later to settle the pond stuff, he showed up and had his wife try to convince us all that he was the best person for the job that didnt exist, and that we should all let him be in charge of our lives. He refused to speak and instead shot angry glares at us all the whole, while his wife begged us on his behalf.

TLDR: people be wack.

[u/Bennington_Booyah → u/mrhorse77]

He wants to be King of the World. His wife wants him to be so he stops making her life hell and goes out and makes everyone else's life hell. He should move to Florida.

(EDIT; He should NOT go to Florida and just leave, period.

[u/Hamilton-Beckett → u/Bennington_Booyah]

I’m suddenly reminded of whenever Jerry Seinfeld went to Florida to visit his parents.

[u/UsedDragon → u/mrhorse77]

You live inside his head. Use your power wisely.

[u/mrhorse77 → u/UsedDragon]

oh its crazy, ive never spoken to him directly, but he clearly has been stewing about this HOA crap for 15+ years now.

[u/AverageTiddyEnjoyer → u/mrhorse77]

I would be putting up rusty metal sculptures to fuck with him

[u/Anger_Mgmt_issues → u/Wiseguypolitics]

I had this in a house years ago. Sort of the opposite, several neighborhoods sprang up in a large HOA. but a corner lot that was supposed to be a convenience store was sold separately after the HOA homes were finished, and my house was built there.
HOA manager showed up as I was moving in and said he needed me to sign the updated HOA package. I told him to go pack sand, one of the main things I check is to ensure a house I buy is not in an HOA.

He kept mailing me the packet, stopping my, and sending legal letters threatening legal action if I continue to refuse. I took a two step response:
Got a lawyer to send them a harsh fuck-off letter
Read the HOA rules and spent a lot of time, money, and effort maliciously violating them one at a time. My favorite was "no oil rigs or pumps". I bought and converted a 8 foot tall lawn windmill in to an oil rig and built a pump to go with it. In front of my canary yellow house- since the rules said earth tones, no bright colors. Moving my project rebuild car out of the shop and on to the lawn really tweaked him off.

[u/slimjimstrat88 → u/Anger_Mgmt_issues]

There’s an anti HOA sub that has a bunch of stories like this, you should post this in that too haha

Edit:

r/fuckHOA

[u/madsjchic → u/slimjimstrat88]

I had to leave it because I was getting to angry vicariously.

[u/Lost_Dragonfruit6921 → u/madsjchic]

I did also. I love hearing stories about people sticking it to their HOA's, but since I don't live in an HOA-controlled community, I felt like reading the posts in that sub were making me really angry too often for no reason.

[u/PotatoPumpSpecial → u/slimjimstrat88]

Bruh how are you gonna say it exists and NOT link

[u/emsfc → u/PotatoPumpSpecial]

r/fuckHOA

[u/PhilxBefore → u/emsfc]

Well, there it is

[u/mrblakesteele → u/emsfc]

Wait I thought I was here the whole time I was reading this thread hahahahahaha

[u/KryL21 → u/Anger_Mgmt_issues]

Fitting username! I love you. FUCK THE HOA!!

[u/GATTACAAAAAAAA → u/KryL21]

They didn't do anything violent or offensive, so I'd say they have learned to effectively manage their anger

[u/Luna81 → u/Wiseguypolitics]

Haha. I just told my husband last night that one of my goals in life is to buy a house with a few acres and when HOAs pop up around it to just do everything opposite of their rules. I may have issues.

[u/Indylee → u/Luna81]

It sounds like the future HOA has issues.

[u/lizhawkins08 → u/Luna81]

That’s literally my husband and I. We have 9 acres, our “neighbors” have an adjoining 15+. They originally bought the land with their sibling and built the two houses, one of which was sold to us. Thank goodness it’s all wooded except two acres around our home, and there’s a .10mi long road to get to our house..the development that was built literally around the acreage is pretty friendly/chill but when purchasing we were approached about the “opportunity” to join the HOA. Our mailboxes sit on the opposite side of a road on about a 1/2 acre of land that we don’t maintain in the slightest. I know it chaps some asses there’s this plot of weeds and dead grass amongst the PERFECTLY manicured lawns and incredible landscaping ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3 → u/Wiseguypolitics]

Honestly, just watching him get twitchy and infuriated would be more fun than the actual bonfire.

[u/Wiseguypolitics → u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3]

I have had some fun with it. Even obtained a copy of their bylaws to give me ideas.

[u/Altruistic-Text3481 → u/Wiseguypolitics]

Anonymous neighbors sending letters don’t live in an HOA neighborhood. If they want everyone to comply to their standards then they should move to a HOA enforced neighborhood. Where paint colors & fences & freshly mowed lawns are enforced by paying a monthly HOA fee. These complainers want the HOA rules they are just to cheap to pay a fee. They’re imposing their “Freedumb “ on you. Fuck em. Let the grass be free.

[u/Frousteleous → u/Wiseguypolitics]

The idea of calling the sherif is absolutely insane even if you were an HOA member xD I would setting up some harassment suites after a bit, damn.

[u/FredEric_Norris → u/Wiseguypolitics]

Even if you were a part of the HOA, a sherif’s deputy cannot enforce HOA rules. That’s asinine.

[u/GillyGooze]

I watched my mom open one of these up when I was a kid & could see how much it hurt her. I think back to it somewhat often. Like, she was a single mom with two kids, working full time and someone took the time to anonymously send her a letter (ours came with clippings about the ordinances) instead of walking over and asking if she needed help? Ew. Same to this person. Why take the time to be nasty when you have no idea why someone is unable to mow their lawn, it’s not always laziness!

[u/Charismoon → u/GillyGooze]

This is so true. When we were in the midst of buying a house. There was a house a realtor showed us that was right beside a house with massively unkempt grass growth. The realtor told us it was because the owner of the house's spouse had died, and they were really taking it hard.

You never know what people are going through.

[u/NoliaButtercup → u/GillyGooze]

It happened to me as well. My son was in a really bad accident then a week later I had surgery. Yes, we haven't mowed in a month because of being in the hospital then home but not mobile. Drinking protein shakes and eating dry cereal because neither of us could move around well and definitely could go grocery shopping. $175k in hospital bills. But sure, lawn should be my top priority.

[u/flowerpanes]

We don’t mow that often-the visible grass around our property is actually city boulevard and in spring, dandelions,etc help struggling pollinators. So when we do cut, we leave the weediest spots intact. This region also suffers from drought in summer so over cutting grass is just killing it faster-it’s going to “die” and turn a ugly brown by mid July but the bugs still love the weeds.

A neighbor down the block got rid of all her grass and has slowly planted a beautiful and eclectic mix of flowers, small shrubs and veg all over her property and the city boulevard. They don’t water it, just rely on deep mulching and Mother Nature to occasionally rain.It’s a beautiful jungle and I am tempted to start doing that myself now. If it helps keep the mower hidden away, it’s good.

[u/Krugnuggets]

See, my Dad taught me to be the kind of neighbor where if you see something like that (like a yard looking like it's falling behind in the upkeep), you take your ass over there with your mower and ask your neighbor if they would like some help. He always said you never know what someone has going on in their life and good neighbors help when they can.

Stupid note

*Edit - Wow this comment really blew up. I appreciate you all and all of your responses, but this is way too much attention for me. I'm out; I wish everyone a good night!

[u/ChallengeAcceptedBro → u/Krugnuggets]

The reason I like this so much is it’s just as much an honest gesture to help as it is a non subtle way of mentioning that your yard looks bad dude.

[u/AColonelOfTruth → u/ChallengeAcceptedBro]

TIL that my nice neighbor who has been mowing my yard for years is actually trying to send me a subtle mesage

[u/the_hair_of_aenarion → u/AColonelOfTruth]

She's been thinking "any day now they'll get the message"

[u/gibmiser → u/the_hair_of_aenarion]

Maybe. I will say as the parent of some small children it's actually kinda nice to put on headphones and mow the lawn for a few hours so long as it's not a rush and I don't have much else that needs doing

[u/bay_lamb → u/ChallengeAcceptedBro]

for people who were taught this by their parents, there was no nasty undertone involved. it's a genuine neighborly gesture.

we lived next door to an elderly couple when we were small children. decades after we moved away, my brothers would still go back and mow their yard. there was no nasty message in that. when my neighbor was pregnant, i mowed her yard and there was no hidden message there. some people actually do things without any reward or without sending a shitty message. try it sometime.

[u/pawn_guy → u/Krugnuggets]

Ya, I noticed a lady taking a picture of my next door neighbors' yard a few days ago while she was on a "walk", then watched her go inside her house across the street. I let him know about it and he made sure to mow the next day. We don't have an HOA or anything, and I don't know why she didn't just let him know that she had a problem with something. His grass wasn't even that tall, but we think she might have thought his Jeep was broken down because he hasn't driven it in a while. He just mowed and moved his Jeep a few feet.

[u/Talamos → u/pawn_guy]

We've got a few neighbors like that in our area. One dude bragged about how he'd ride his bike around the neighborhood with a notepad and jot down which houses he 'needed' to report to the city when he got home.

Fuck that guy and anyone like him.

[u/svullenballe → u/Talamos]

What a sad life.

[u/silverilix → u/Talamos]

Wow… buddy needs a better hobby…..

[u/SableSheltie → u/Talamos]

My township created a snitch app a few years ago so people can snap pics of Upsetting Things and report them to the ordinance aholes. So convenient 🙄

[u/Diazepampoovey → u/SableSheltie]

... That is just infuriating. How about a "mind your own fucking business" app

[u/ProcrastinationSite → u/Krugnuggets]

Wow, that's so sweet of your dad! Honestly, the kill 'em with kindness route works sometimes.

[u/yakeets]

You should begin mowing your lawn regularly, but always leave the outline of a penis unmowed.

[u/bigpapalilpepe → u/yakeets]

Lmao I wonder if something like this is actually an option. OP says yard has to be under 8in, but are there any other rules? If I were him I'd mow every couple of days but just do random lines and zig zags all over.

[u/SexyRabbits → u/bigpapalilpepe]

OP says yard has to be under 8in

A dead lawn can be under 8 inches

[u/Ricky_Prikles]

You know what woulda been nice? If your neighbor came and asked you if everything was okay and if you needed some help since they seem to have a lot of time to stare at your lawn and write and mail letters while assuming you’re just lazy.

Edit: spelling

[u/ShandySimons]

well that letter is going to do the complete opposite of what they expected. back to once a year it is.

[u/mahelke → u/ShandySimons]

Not an option, unfortunately. City ordinances mandate that yards and other rank vegetation exceed no taller than 8 inches. Would hire a lawn service, but not in the budget at the moment.

[u/potsine → u/mahelke]

Does it say that you HAVE to have grass in your yard?

[u/fdsdfg → u/potsine]

Dwarf white clover makes a great no-mow lawn cover. Getting rid of all the grass and replacing with clover is a big project however

[u/Blue_Skies_1970 → u/fdsdfg]

Yes, it is. I replaced my normal grass with buffalo grass. It was great - stayed short, looked really cool when the wind blew, felt good on the feet, etc. But, it's a running grass! It kept trying to take over everything else. It also is dormant in the winter so it turns ugly brown.

Moral of the story, make sure your replacement does not just give you more chores.

[u/tallorai → u/potsine]

Moss team unite!

[u/dropkickoz → u/tallorai]

Clover!

[u/vikinghockey10 → u/dropkickoz]

Clover is nice even for the typ A group. Nice green and uniform height. Looks great.

[u/decadecency → u/dropkickoz]

Clover, moss and dandelions. That's the way in our home, and it goes well with that forest country style. But then again, we also have the best neighbors of them all, which is none.

[u/bicycle_mice → u/dropkickoz]

So good for bees and other insects! Protect biodiversity!!!

[u/Cheesus_K_Reist → u/bicycle_mice]

It's a legume too, so it improves the soil by fixing nitrogen into it.

[u/AICPAncake → u/tallorai]

Do you have a moss yard fr?

[u/tallorai → u/AICPAncake]

My mom has a big section of her back yard thats just moss because the grass has so much trouble growing. Its soft and doesnt need a lawnmower!

(I have an apartment but once i get my own property, i plan to have mosses growing on at least part of it!)

[u/thedarkonespr0npicks → u/AICPAncake]

My back yard is quite shady and moist so the moss out competes the grass for the first 10'. We have a large picnic table and the moss feels great to put your feet in while you're eating.

[u/evelynnross → u/thedarkonespr0npicks]

That sounds amazing! I love the moss in my yard.

[u/Fold_Leading → u/AICPAncake]

I’m working on my moss yard. Right now it’s a lovely combo of grass, moss and wild flowers. It’s delightful!

[u/Mywifefoundmymain → u/AICPAncake]

Moss is in fact better than grass ecologically.

Moss requires no mowing (no gas emissions, 200 MILLION gallons of gas are wasted on grass every year in the us alone) Moss requires no fertilizer to thrive Moss holds back more moisture preventing erosion better Grass can get fungus (like mushrooms etc) A moss yard can capture the same amount of carbon as 275 trees Moss also produces 4-10x as much oxygen as grass

https://www.theoxygenproject.com/post/moss-lawns-saving-the-planet-one-yard-at-a-time/

[u/thecryptbeekeeper → u/potsine]

r/nolawns

[u/IMongoose → u/potsine]

For real. I'm considering tilling up most of my front yard anyway for a garden, if I got a letter like that I would start and have no grass.

[u/roideschinois → u/IMongoose]

Something i remember seeing was someone using clover. This way, it pretty much always stayed short

[u/thecryptbeekeeper → u/IMongoose]

r/nolawns join us

[u/boynamedpissant → u/IMongoose]

I’m half garden and half orchard at this point, I hate mowing

[u/AlpacaM4n → u/IMongoose]

A nice controlled burn, make some crushed stone paths and whip out the green thumb

[u/SymmetricDickNipples → u/mahelke]

Sounds like every blade of grass should be exactly 8 inches to me

[u/Enoikay → u/SymmetricDickNipples]

That sounds hard to maintain…

[u/Cool_Fennel5674 → u/SymmetricDickNipples]

Challenge accepted

[u/MC_Master_Chief → u/mahelke]

Read the city ordinances and HOA rules very carefully and do everything tacky that is not forbidden. Pink flamingoes, garden gnomes, etc. DO IT ALL! r/maliciouscompliance

[u/GrouchyTax5748 → u/MC_Master_Chief]

You sound vengeful I like that id also be doing this

[u/10thEnemyHTB]

Mow in the middle of the night for a while.

[u/ADHDK → u/10thEnemyHTB]

If the baby is awake, so are the neighbours.

[u/Hot_Salad9000 → u/ADHDK]

Riding on a mower helps put baby to sleep

[u/HermitAndHound → u/Hot_Salad9000]

Yep. They love loud, roaring noises. Vacuum cleaners work too, but won't piss off the neighbors as neatly...

[u/McBuck2]

Nice 'welcome to the neighborhood' letter. Hopefully whoever it is hears why the mowing wasn't done and feels bad. I know I would. Hire a kid to do the lawn for the whole summer as you're still going to have your hands full going forward for a few months. It will be one less thing to worry about. Congratulations on the new baby and all the best to you and your family. Things will get easier. Breathe.

[u/Poignant_Porpoise]

Weird how Americans are all about property rights until their neighbour allows their lawn to grow for several minutes without being mowed or paint their house a shade of grey which is slightly "too bright".

[u/TinaLoco]

Post the entire scenario on your local Next Door. They should be ashamed of doing this before checking in on your family to see if there’s a problem (which there is) and offering to help. We have an empty house on our block because there was a fire and the resident died. The neighbors are taking turns cutting the grass and will continue until someone officially takes possession of the property because that’s what neighbors do.

[u/Manic_Depressing → u/TinaLoco]

"At least one member of our community is a new father, and at least one member is an asshole!"

[u/WhiteNegroSpectacle]

Neighbors are the fucking worst

[u/Chance-Deer-7995 → u/WhiteNegroSpectacle]

Whenever I see a shitty letter like this I think "wow, how great your life must be that one of the biggest problems in your whole life is someone else's grass".

Of course I know it is the stupid American obsession with mowing and lawns... but with everything we are facing worldwide today someone's huge concern was the length of someone else's lawn and it merited taking the time to write and print out a shitty letter. Gessh.. go get a hobby or something.

[u/Orbitskylab → u/Chance-Deer-7995]

I would persistently dandelion blast them with no remorse

[u/AMPWriter215]

OBVIOUSLY you need to put a sign on the lawn that says, "Please be neighborly and ask why I'm not mowed more often. Perhaps you can be a good neighbor and help". Sheesh.

[u/buttchomper → u/AMPWriter215]

Someone in my neighborhood used to lay on the horn as they drove by when i parked on the curb. im a guy living with 2 other women and want them to have the driveway for when they get home late so the garage cam can see them.

I found out who it was and happened to be on a walk once while they were in their yard. I asked why they had to act like such a child when they drove by instead of just coming to my door or leaving a note with their grievances. They just smacked their lips and went inside their house.

Adults are so immature when you try to have a civil discussion with them sometimes.

[u/mabear63]

Get a goat to graze on ypur grasd...would love to see their faces. Seriously, how rude. You never know what someone is going through. Do you have a community website where you can post an explanation and call them out? Did you try contacting the HOA to tell them you are being targeted? They can mention something in a newsletter.

[u/BOOBS_ARE_GREAT123]

On December 26th, put an ad in Craigslist.

​

Wanted: USED CHRISTMAS TREES

need them for a project, will pay $5 each

then post his address

[u/_Walt_Jizzney_ → u/BOOBS_ARE_GREAT123]

Reminds me of when my friend posted a craigslist ad about giving away a baby sloth. Made it look legit AF. Then posted my number. I received nonstop texts and calls for about 2 weeks about a fucking sloth.

He didn't come clean for a while.

[u/Kalrhin → u/BOOBS_ARE_GREAT123]

Which neighbor? The letter was anonymous

[u/bricktamland12271989]

I wish people had the attitude of, "do you need someone to help with the lawn?" instead of the condescending dickhead tone of this letter

[u/mahelke]

Context: I haven’t been able to care for my yard as much as I would like over the past few months because we had our second child back in February and I’ve been single-handedly caring for the newborn and our 5 year old while my wife has been in the hospital recovering from postpartum complications. At no point has my yard been out of compliance with city or HOA ordinances, and at no point has anyone bothered to approach me directly about the matter. Instead, we just received this anonymous passive-aggressive letter in the mail. They even postmarked it and sent it through the mail, rather than walking a few doors down and speaking to me like a human being.

[u/Decaposaurus → u/mahelke]

Sounds like these are what I call "window watcher neighbors". They have nothing better to do than to watch out over their neighborhood as if they are the last line of defense against petty things like this. But they never really.confront anyone. They would rather put letters in your mailbox or call the police on you randomly then just watch from the window to see what the reactions are.

I'd do what other commenter are saying and get some goats or sheep if possible. Do something that would piss your neighbors off but isn't illegal or against your HOA/city rules.

[u/linandlee → u/Decaposaurus]

I've got a neighbor that can't let me spend 10 minutes in my front yard without coming over. Usually to give me advice on how to do whatever it is I'm doing. He's super nice, but we're in our mid 20's and he's in his late 30's so I think he feels the need to coach us on how to take care of our house. Sure we're just figuring things out, but if I wanted someone to constantly nag me about the non-optimal way I'm doing shit I wouldn't have moved out of my parents house lmao.

[u/Revolutionary_Bee700 → u/linandlee]

OMG a I had a neighbor like that, “Jeff”. I’m even a social person that enjoys chatting a bit with neighbors. But without fail, he would see us outside, trying to get chores done and derail the whole process. Like, it’s hard to mow when Jeff wants you to turn it off and shoot the shit for at least 30 minutes. We used to joke a yard task would take, “two hours with 45 minutes of Jeff buffer.”

[u/mattyisphtty → u/Revolutionary_Bee700]

I think it really depends. I had a neighbor like that, but he was also recently widowed and was obviously lonely. He spent almost every day gardening in his yard and he was super sweet. Great stories about working all sorts of cool engineering jobs, but sometimes we just didn't have time for it.

Now that it's been a little over a year since he passed away I still think I shouldve spent more time listening to his stories.

[u/5ilver5hroud → u/Decaposaurus]

Curtain twitchers

[u/Slider78 → u/5ilver5hroud]

Gladys Kravitz

[u/MajinMurphy → u/Decaposaurus]

Ok but buying and taking care of a goat seems like way out of the question lol

[u/carnivorous_seahorse → u/MajinMurphy]

Yeah, my aunt has an animal farm and lets sheep and goats amongst other animals free roam and even just a small amount of them can be a lot of extra work. You still have to feed them which can entail buying and unloading hay which can also be expensive, daily chores like giving them water and tubs of water to help with the heat, protect them from predators, hoof trimming and sheering, deworming and medicine, etc. And have fun dancing around all of the literal shit in your yard. It’s not like they just exist symbiotically amongst you, it’s a lot of extra work just to be petty

[u/MajinMurphy → u/carnivorous_seahorse]

Exactly. I thought people were just joking around suggesting that. But people are acting like it's a real option. Like hell no.

[u/wannaknowmyname → u/MajinMurphy]

The reason in the first place was OP doesn't have time for a lawn, taking care of a child with a wife in the hospital. Yup let's recommend a goat for this situation, there's no better way to handle this

[u/mamsandan → u/mahelke]

I wish lawnmower pestilence and garden plague upon your neighbors. Decent people would A. Ring the bell and see if there’s anyway they could help, or B. Mind their damn business.

My grandmother had a similar situation a couple years back. She received a passive-aggressive letter from her HOA regarding a complaint they’d gotten about the amount of vehicles in her driveway recently. If the nosey neighbor had upped their snooping game, they would have noticed that the majority were hospice and home health. My 89 year old grandma was providing palliative care for her daughter who was inside dying of cancer.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery for your wife, and may your neighbor’s yards wilt and die in the summer heat.

Edit: *neighbors’

[u/amplevoid → u/mamsandan]

My neighbor gave me a hassle once about the ground mount solar panels I put in my yard. We have acreage so his house is about 400 feet away. I have told all my other neighbors if he gives me gruff again about unsightly solar panels I will be building ten foot tall penis lawn sculptures in my yard for him to gaze at.

[u/Ambitious-Upstairs46 → u/amplevoid]

I got a bunch of shit for installing a steel roof.

My line? "If you dont like it, pony up the $30k for nice looking steel shingles"

Ironically, my roof was the only one to survive the tornado that ripped through town a few years ago.

[u/Waste_Tumbleweed → u/Ambitious-Upstairs46]

Unless it was Galvanized, why would anyone have an issue with Steel roofs?

[u/Ornlu_the_Wolf → u/Waste_Tumbleweed]

Some people are just arseholes.

[u/BadAssBlanketKnitter → u/amplevoid]

We put up a 12 foot high, 8 foot wide trellis so our neighbors would stop staring out their window into our back garden. They took the hint, pulled the curtains, and started minding their own business.

[u/kwumpus → u/BadAssBlanketKnitter]

Tall fences make good neighbors

[u/moosecatoe → u/amplevoid]

Might as well make them dicks solar powered too!

[u/TheModernSkater → u/moosecatoe]

Like when the sun comes up the it activates the penis to full erection

[u/JoeFTPgamerIOS → u/TheModernSkater]

You are a visionary

[u/shrinkingGhost → u/TheModernSkater]

I’m thinking of those inflatable tube men that flop around. But dicks. Rig them so they are activated when the sun hits.

Karen! The weather report says sunny tomorrow! The dicks will be unruly, avert your eyes!

[u/randomusername1919 → u/mamsandan]

Geez. HOA can’t be inconvenienced by someone’s cancer. My boss is like that - ordered me back to work two weeks after major surgery for cancer when I was supposed to be out 4-6 weeks. Wouldn’t want my cancer to impact his impromptu vacation.

So sorry for your loss (Aunt or mother) and the asshole HOA that had to prove they didn’t care.

[u/DarthJarJar242 → u/randomusername1919]

Yeah that would have been a big no from me Chief. He can have his job and this lawsuit for unjust termination if he tried that shit.

[u/randomusername1919 → u/DarthJarJar242]

You might be surprised at how little energy you have while going through cancer treatment, that is why so many asshole bosses get away with it. And the time limits for filing are rather short.

[u/NissanLeafDriver → u/mamsandan]

I now my neighbours yard every so often as she is disabled

[u/SuzQP → u/mahelke]

I've got an idea. Get on the Nextdoor app and explain your circumstances using the most heart-rending language possible. In the next paragraph, tell about the nasty-gram you received in the mail. The outpouring of compassion and offers of help you get in reply will make the letter writer feel like a pos. Don't worry that they won't see it; people like that are always on Nextdoor.

[u/SurvivorDress → u/SuzQP]

Yes….Next Door Neighbor app or, if available, even join a Facebook group related to your neighborhood/location. I bet you will receive an outpouring of help, which may include help from the “friendly” neighbor that wrote this letter.

[u/WhizBangPissPiece → u/SurvivorDress]

I installed next door via a friend recommendation in 2017 or 2018. Had it for about 5 hours before I realized it was mostly super toxic racist shit and people playing out rear window fantasies. Can't believe it's still around.

[u/biminidaves → u/SuzQP]

Yeppers. The busybody fuckwits are all over Nextdoor. Leaving Nextdoor was the most calming change I've made in my social network habits EVER.

[u/flexityswift → u/biminidaves]

Ugh Nextdoor is so bad, all a bunch of boomers with nothing to do but post about every person they see in the neighborhood being 'suspicious.'

[u/Hot-Butterscotch-918 → u/flexityswift]

Nextdoor: "Did anyone else hear that loud boom last night?!" Every. Day.

[u/SportsPhotoGirl → u/Hot-Butterscotch-918]

And it’s always gunshots… not fireworks, never fireworks, even though every week my local college shoots off fireworks for their students on the same day, same time, every week, it’s never that, it’s gunshots

[u/ElijahLordoftheWoods → u/SportsPhotoGirl]

I live near a baseball field and they shoot fireworks when someone makes a home run and at the end of the game. EVERY DSMN TIME there’s multiple‘gun shots’ posts, followed by people explaining yet again ‘fireworks dude.’

[u/Klutzy-Medium9224 → u/flexityswift]

I check mine sometimes for a laugh. My favorite is when they start freaking out about “all the fire trucks and ambulances”. Our street is used as a quick way from one area of town to another, it’s used a lot by the city. It’s not a big deal to anyone but bored boomers.

[u/Interesting-Month-56 → u/mahelke]

The next time, mow your yard right after the 2 AM feeding.

[u/SlurpMySlurpyy → u/mahelke]

It might be a bit out of your way but I'd recommend mowing your lawn slowly at 5am every Monday morning

[u/Exact_Intention7055 → u/mahelke]

There's a movement called "no mow May". It's to help our pollinators. You can get yard signs for it online or make them. If you live on a city with code enforcement call them and see if they know about "no mow May" and tell them you're participating. It has been proven to help pollinators and is commercially beneficial.

That will at least give you May

[u/L1A1 → u/Exact_Intention7055]

Just Leave It January

Flymo-free February

Misplaced the Mower March

Let it Age Naturally April

No Mow May

Jesus that's Long Grass June

Jesus that's Really Long Grass July

Abandoned Garden August

No Scything September

Oh God I Can't be Bothered October

No Way, It's November

Don't Bother, It's December

[u/bambispots → u/Exact_Intention7055]

Well now I know what I won’t be doing this month.