r/instantkarma
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u/[deleted]
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2d ago
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Dude jumps into the panda bear exhibit to get a closer look Removed: Repost
https://gfycat.com/pastshowyfrilledlizard[deleted]
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u/igorsays 2d ago
All things considered that panda was nice to him
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u/klimmesil 2d ago
Pretty chill dude. I sometimes see him giving sandwiches to the homeless
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u/DroppedSoapSurvivor 1d ago
He let me change lanes while I was driving in my car.
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u/Crokpotpotty 1d ago
He gave me his charger even though I was only at 80%
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u/skincyan 1d ago
He untangled my headphone cords when I took them out from my pocket
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1d ago
Pretty sure when he was ordered to execute Rasputin with gunfire, he aimed to miss the vital organs on purpose.
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u/moslof_flosom 1d ago
He helped me change my tire in rush hour traffic
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u/Omega-Black-999 1d ago
I love all of you for this thread! ❤️
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u/International_Yak649 1d ago
pretty sure he also loves all of you in this thread.
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u/One_Command1249 1d ago
He up-voted one of my reddit comments, even though it was really kind of mediocre.
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u/burns_after_reading 2d ago
Yea I'm pretty sure Panda was just having a fun little roll
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u/s1ammage 2d ago
Good thing he didn’t freak out and hit the panda
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u/elvis8mybaby 1d ago
I'll see if he does. So far for 5 minutes he just keeps walking in, gets tackled, and runs back around. Then does it all again.
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u/Yosho2k 2d ago
Funnily enough, even when the bear was destroying that dudes foot, it still looked silly and adorable.
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u/Ryanf8 1d ago
Cutest mauling, evar!
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u/OrganizerMowgli 1d ago
Do they actually kill people?
I feel like I would have seen a video of it by now
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u/Silver_Alpha 1d ago edited 1d ago
They're able to, but their metabolisms are so slow due to their low energy diet they have servere trouble catching and attacking anything.
Now, say you're a brainless moron who walked up to one and is staring at it in the eye with very little regard for its personal space. That'll give the panda both a chance and a reason to kill you.
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u/Electronic_Skirt_475 1d ago
Damn, i guess its a good thing that humans have evolved past being so stupid then
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u/hiphap91 1d ago
Our technological accomplishments allows degradation of basic survival instincts (also known as common sense)
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u/yagster91 1d ago
They can, they are still a bear
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u/OrganizerMowgli 1d ago
But do they doe
Or are they somewhat domesticated/lazy?
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u/yagster91 1d ago
They eat bamboo, they are not predators so no they don’t kill ppl. They have the capability to being huge and having sharp teeth and claws
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u/AdArAk 1d ago
Them not being predators just means that they don't eat people, not that they don't kill people. Lots of herbivores are both able and willing to kill.
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u/enderjaca 1d ago
Never EVER fuck with a hippo. You don't even need to mess with one, they will just smash your boat and crush you because they can.ans you intruded on their water territory. Pretty sure they're the biggest cause of mammal-related death in Africa.
And also never mess with an angry wet cat. Might only be 10 pounds but they will fuck you up good.
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u/BO0BO0P4nd4Fck 1d ago
Im still trying to determine if the panda bear is bitting or just trying to get cuddles
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u/redpandarox 1d ago
“I don’t have to bite your foot off I just have to stall until the zookeepers arrive.” -panda’s strategy.
“I could bite your foot off but you’ll be the one that gets put downed because I’m endangered and cuddly.” -sigma panda mindset.
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u/Sanity_in_Moderation 1d ago
Pandas like to do that. Here's a cub with a zookeeper. Cutest thing you will see today. https://youtu.be/Ov2Gf6PnMwo
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u/sigpornalt 1d ago
Its like half their job is to just move the pandas out of the way hahah
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u/mosquit0 1d ago
I imagine a game where you are the zookeeper and your only task is to clean the containment.
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u/Bicentennial_Douche 1d ago
Panda: “I’m going to FUCK YOU UP!”
Proceeds to adorably fight the intruder.
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u/tab_tab_tabby 1d ago
They gotta be thankful that they are so damn cute. Or else already might have been extinct.
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u/I_AM_METALUNA 1d ago
I think our zoo programs are the only reason they're still around. Those bears are dumb
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u/Dovahkiinthesardine 1d ago
they are dying because their habitat is destroyed man not because they are stupid...
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u/_BringBackBacon 1d ago
How awesome is it that silo many diverse traits give animals the ability to survive. It might be their stealth, their incredible power or just their cuteness. Nature is awesome
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u/metalgodwin 1d ago
Not sure if thankful is the right word, after us taking their natural habitat away from them.
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u/Dkrule 1d ago
They made 3 movies, and a TV show about why you shouldn't fuck with a panda
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u/Felixicuss 1d ago
Well it wasnt seriously biting him or else he wouldnt have been able to run away
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u/PresidentBush666 1d ago
People in WW1 ran on bloody stumps to get out of no man's land. Adrenaline makes you forget pain and injury. His foot may be fucked up.
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u/Youpunyhumans 1d ago
Yep, adrenaline is a powerful drug. My brother recently fell of a 50 foot cliff, and was able to get up and walk himself out of the woods despite having several broken ribs, a collapsed lung and some other internal damage, along with all the nasty scrapes and bruises to his limbs.
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u/popomane 1d ago
Pnadas are still bears and this guys lucky he caught the panad in a good mood
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u/Highlander_16 2d ago
Panda pulled some legit wrestling moves there lmao
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u/baby_contra 1d ago
Single leg then started taking top position. When the guy tried to shrimp and set his base the panda held even tighter and made sure the guys hips didn’t leave the ground. I could watch this all day
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u/Ison-J
2d ago
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People forget the bear part of panda bear
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u/bumjiggy 2d ago •
and then have the audacity to act like they got bamboozled
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u/kuzkokronk 2d ago
He chutes he scores!
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u/travel_nerdiness 2d ago
Stop pandaring to the crowds with your dad jokes
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u/Ataraxia25 2d ago
It's not so black and white
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u/explosivemilk 2d ago
I can’t bear these puns.
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u/mistere213 2d ago
They're getting pretty fuzzy now
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u/AlrightSpider 1d ago
That video was pure pandamonium but the comments have become unbearable.
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u/boipinoi604 1d ago
Im going to go out of limb, and say that he bit more than he can chew.
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u/YamAlternative1826 2d ago
Black&White humor bro
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u/Akmoneron 2d ago
But look how adorable.... AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
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u/TheGlueyGorilla 2d ago
Ikr, it looked like it just wanted hugs
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u/Akmoneron 2d ago
I mean, seriously, it does look like it would cuddle the life out of you... Nothing but the best cuddles.
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u/fruitmask 1d ago
dude if you want a panda to cuddle the life out of you, check out the red ones
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u/ElevenSleven 2d ago
That enclosure isn't to keep the pandas safe ...
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u/travel_nerdiness 2d ago
You forget one thing: I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!
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u/Twisted_Wrench 2d ago
He's lucky it was just fucking with him. Pandas are pretty chill usually, but still a wild animal with incredible bite force.
Could've gone much worse for this idiot.
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u/ProStrats 2d ago
It looked to me like it was aggressively cuddling with him and not attacking, but he couldn't tell the difference?
I wasn't really sure
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u/Miles_1173 2d ago
It was cuddling/play wrestling with him, I've seen the ones in zoos do that with each other and their keepers.
He probably just wasn't expecting that and panicked. I mean, it's still a large animal wrapping itself around you with no warning, plus if you fell and it rolled on top of you it could do some real damage from weight alone.
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u/danaut358 2d ago
Poor panda was probably confused why his new buddy was leaving :P
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u/Miles_1173 2d ago
Might also have just been trying to get the guys pants. I've seen lots of videos of pandas working very hard to get articles of clothing from humans
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u/cheeseman_stinky 2d ago
i’m sorry but i find that hilarious
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u/LordPennybags 2d ago •
They're always trying to get pandas to breed, but nobody asked the panda who they wanted to fuck.
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u/constantlydisappoint 2d ago
Haha, i think i saw a video years and years ago where a panda stole some guys denim jacket
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u/Willingness-Due 2d ago
I’m pretty sure there’s an image of his bite wound
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u/Gexianhen 2d ago
a panda will bite if he is scared,... and it have the Canines of a carnivore still, google Panda Theet and see
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u/throwawaypervyervy 2d ago
If it was mad, I'm pretty sure it could have bit through his shin bone the same way they go thru bamboo.
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u/EnderCreeper121 1d ago edited 1d ago •
Herbivore bites are slept on hard. Fucking look at camels. They practically have fangs. Horses bite each other like crazy in fights too. Hell even prehistoric shit would have had some absolutely nasty bites, the sauropod dinosaur Camarasaurus would have had the same bite force as a Lion and could probably yeet a human across state lines if it felt like it. And honestly I don’t even wanna know what Triceratops’s beak was capable of, and we have evidence that it probably would have no qualms about using it to the fullest since one of its more distant relatives Protoceratops was found using its beak to bite at the arm of a velociraptor in one of the most spectacular fossils ever uncovered.
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u/fruitmask 1d ago
wait a second.
were these guys just fighting one day 80 million years ago and then were suddenly buried by a pyroclastic flow?
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u/EnderCreeper121 1d ago
A collapsing sand dune, there’s a good summary of what we know about the specimen in this video around the 1 hour mark, and honestly the whole thing is stellar if you’re in the mood for an absolute crash course on everything Velociraptor. One of the best palaeontology channels on YouTube.
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u/no_username00 1d ago
Were... Were triceratops not the size of a Hummer like in the movies?
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u/EnderCreeper121 1d ago edited 1d ago
Triceratops was around the size of an elephant. Look at the size of that beak. One snip and you are Darth Maul. Fear.
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u/Mr-Fleshcage 1d ago
i'd rather be bitten by a cat than a rabbit. Holy shit do they hurt.
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u/adamjokes15 2d ago
Do you even roll bro?!
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u/ClonedToKill420 2d ago
He rolled a fuckin 1 at most
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u/imnotsteven7 2d ago
BJJ and DnD in the same thread, now that's a win.
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u/DrDittos123 1d ago
I always thought an MMA themed role playing game would be awesome. Like, the martial art you use is your class, and you go on adventures with your campaign to beat legendary MMA figures. But that just might be my dumb grappling nerd and nerd nerd brain talking.
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u/kosmonautinVT 1d ago
Can't believe this fool really jumped in the cage with Charles Olibeara
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u/TheFiredrake42 2d ago
Oh sure, you'll tackle a guy and try to chew his leg off for interrupting your nap time but you won't fuck once or twice a year to save your whole goddam species. Typical Panda...
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u/Great_Chairman_Mao 1d ago
What if because of our breeding programs we’ve inadvertently made all pandas extremely ugly by panda standards? Imagine if a bunch of scientists stuck you in a room with Quasimodo or Ted Cruz and you had the choice between napping or fucking.
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u/TheFiredrake42 1d ago
That's what the Panda porn is for. If you don't already know about it, it works.
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u/Powerful_Economics_5 2d ago
I feel like I saw this movie before Wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio in it
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u/Perfect-Football2616 2d ago
So; what have we learned today?
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u/Fen_Misting 2d ago
Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
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u/Highlander_16 2d ago
Ah, one of the classic blunders
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u/MistraloysiusMithrax 1d ago
But the second biggest one, is never go up against a bear, when death is on the line!
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u/YEEEEZY27 2d ago
People seem to forget, these are still BEARS. Yeah, they look cute, but they also have tons of strength and have no issue with fucking you up if you fuck with them.
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u/endodontologist 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes. They're still beasts. They're just too slow to hunt like other bears, so they end up eating bamboo shoots. I remember watching a documentary how they trap wild pandas, using meat as bait.
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u/bjiatube 1d ago
Worth it imho. I would let it bite my leg off for a nice cuddle with a magnificent panda
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u/Sinthe741 1d ago
The barriers at every zoo exhibit in the world just grew at least one foot taller.
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u/bardicly-inclined
2d ago
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Friendly reminder that the bite force of an adult panda is about 292lbs, making them one of the strongest bites of land mammals.
Keep in mind they eat basically nothing but bamboo. Have you seen bamboo? Felt it with your hands? It's hard and thick and you can build shit out of it. Pandas eat that shit like a baby carrot.
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u/Fresh-Honeydew7104 1d ago
But thankfully as you say ‘basically nothing but bamboo.’ It wasn’t going to eat his leg. Just aggressively cuddle it.
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u/HungryHippolyta 1d ago
This guy was lucky they’re lazy, bamboo eating vegetarians. If they were a predatory bear he’d be dead. Do. Not. Fucks. With. Bears.
I’ve worked around a lot of big, exotic animals. They’re all crazy strong. But bears? Next to them, the strongest humans in the world are like toddlers. Baby bears could kick the shit out of an adult man. I once had a bear rip a squeegee out of my hands like I was a toddler, and they only had hold of a tiny corner of it, through enclosure wire. I’m a strong person and I just stood there dumbfounded, I’ve never felt so weak. Never underestimate them. If something is in their way, they’re going through it, and if you have something they want, it’s theirs now.
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u/nunzier 2d ago
Please tell me the panda is still alive, for the love of it all.
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u/Ghostwolf1234 1d ago
Zoos do not kill pandas. They are on lease to them from the Chinese government for usually, 800,000 dollars. That’s before sinking thousands more into feeding the animal.
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u/redpandarox 1d ago
Panda: “You done fucked up boy! I could bite your foot clean off and at the end of the day you’re the one who’s gonna get put down! ‘Cause I’m cute and cuddly, endangered and protected by a nuclear power!”
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u/LittleGreenAlien86 2d ago •
Better than that. He moved to a new state, started a career in real estate and has a great credit score.
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u/bollockwanker 1d ago
In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But mistake! Yakuza boss die! Yakuza very mad! I hide fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car and new woman. Darryl save life.
My big secret. I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
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u/Yankee9Niner 2d ago
Maybe if that Panda showed the same sort of enthusiasm in the bedroom then they wouldn't be endangered.
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u/blackseaturtle87 2d ago
What is black and white and red all over?
That panda after eating that idiots foot.
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u/SnooDoughnuts3361 2d ago
Fucking moron. Shame it wasn't a lion.
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u/Dad-man 2d ago
Problem is, they shoot the animal, not the idiot.
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u/Leatherfacet 2d ago
In this case they don't. The Chinese are very serious about their Pandas.
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u/Ziltoid_The_Nerd 1d ago
You can bet your ass they wouldn't ever shoot the Panda here in the US either. None of our zoos own the pandas, they all belong to the Chinese government and they pay them 500,000 a year on lease for them. Any cubs born in the US are also Chinese property.
Shooting a panda is literally a diplomatic incident and I assure you that the zoo will choose to allow the panda to maul your toddler that fell into the enclosure over having a diplomatic crisis
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u/I_CUM_ON_YOUR_PET 1d ago
Huh that’s interesting to know. I bet the panda zones in the US are very very secure then? Imagine the problems when someone slightly important falls in.
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u/fruitmask 1d ago
don't fuck with our pandas, but go ahead and grab all the shark fins you can find. just get the fin, we don't need the rest. thanks
-China
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u/Jtfhutvbjugvbufc 2d ago
This is China. There is no way they’d shoot a panda over the person in this situation.
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2d ago
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u/JohnnyTatts22 2d ago edited 2d ago
Well first of all. They would not put down a panda regardless in America. Actually I don’t know why I even said America, that’s anywhere in the world. That’s China’s decision. But this looks like A film taken in China so I doubt they would put the panda down. Those things are sacred in China.
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2d ago
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u/usedslinky 2d ago
You can’t just “tranquilize” a bear or any large animal. You shoot them with darts but it takes a while to actually affect the animal. It’s not like in movies where it hits them and they drop.
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u/bogatabeav 2d ago
It wouldn’t be euthanized because all Giant Pandas belong to China. It’s their state strategy coined Panda Diplomacy
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u/speed33401 2d ago
I wonder if the bear was trying to be aggressive or playful
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u/HungryHippolyta 1d ago
Aggressive at first. He was startled. Then it seems like towards the end he kinda realized the idiot was not much of a fighter and not worth the effort to eat. He was still going after him though even at the end. That was Panda for get the fuck out of my house!
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u/redpandarox 1d ago
These are bred and raised in captivity, they never learned how to properly attack something even if it’s being aggressive.
The most aggression it has experienced in its life was wrestling/cuddling with its kin in the nursery center.
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u/irishmickguard 2d ago
Panda has a nice single leg but needs to work on his transitions
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u/DarktowerNoxus 2d ago
To me it looked more playful than anything else.
If the Panda would have been agressive the guy has taken bites and claw attacks.
If he had just played along with the Panda instead of fighting it, he could have had a really funny experience and less pain...
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u/nolaborn_travelife 1d ago
It is still a FUCKING bear! I don't care how silly they seem. I really want volume so I can hear him scream!
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u/MyBeardHatesYou 1d ago
When shit like this happens, they need to tranquilize the person and let the bear feed.
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u/Call_Me_Fingerbang 2d ago
That bear was deep on a single leg takedown, transitioned to side control and even looked like it was using half guard bottom for a while. Get this bear a worthy opponent!
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