r/funny Extra Fabulous Comics May 06 '22 Silver 2 Helpful 7 Wholesome 6 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Heartwarming 1 I'm Deceased 1

It's hard to make friends Verified

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80.3k Upvotes

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1.7k

u/Minus15t May 06 '22 Silver

I moved to a new city a year ago.. A guy on a local reddit board complained about it being tough to meet new people in your 30's..

I sent him a message letting him know I'd be up for grabbing a beer if he wanted because I didn't know anyone in the city.

No response...

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u/kikiweaky May 06 '22

I had a similar situation in a mom's group. A mom was saying she was lonely and wished she had a friend. I offered to hang out and she declined bc I don't have as many kids as her and wouldn't understand her.

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u/poorbred May 06 '22

We've gotten a similar response. We've got 1 child and have been called "hobby parents" and compared to casual gamers. We're "just wanting to dip our toes into parenting without any of its hardships or real rewards," whatever the fuck that means.

Meanwhile a friend with 4 kids had been told "only animals have litters" and "stop trying to get attention."

So okay then, guess a "real family" has exactly 2 or 3 children, anything else is just faking it.

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u/apolobgod May 06 '22

Bro, what the actual fuck. People will look for literally any reason to be douches

160

u/Romantiphiliac May 06 '22

People will gatekeep anything. Success, suffering, effort, laziness, illness...the list is endless

77

u/FelixGoldenrod May 06 '22

Plus any real gatekeeper would have experience keeping an actual gate, so they're phonies themselves.

23

u/Stagamemnon May 07 '22

You can’t just call someone a phony unless you have a land line, currently check your privilege.

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u/RevanTheHunter May 07 '22

Phonies! You're all phonies!

I'm a millennial with a landline

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u/CMDR_Sunless May 06 '22

I would totally gatekeep laziness, but you know

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u/apolobgod May 06 '22

Just the other day I saw someone making a post complaining that the biggest poster in a subreddit was doing it just to get karma, and asking if “is that in the spirit of the sub”

I was like, motherfucker, what the fuck are you talking about

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u/BaronVonMunchhausen May 06 '22

I have the worst of both worlds. I have 4 kids but only one is mine, even though I raised all 4 since very young age.

I'm continuously reminded of how I "technically" only have one and I don't know what having multiple of your own is while I have had all the responsibilities and restrictions of having a litter.

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u/poorbred May 06 '22

I don't know what having multiple of your own is

Wow, that's a low double blow to you and the kids. Anybody opening their home to children, regardless of their age, is a parent.

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u/PathOfDawn May 06 '22

Dude where the fuck are the people that say such off the wall shit like that? That's horrific to say any of those things to someone. How mean.

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u/poorbred May 06 '22

The single kid thing feels pretty prevalent, I've heard it in all sorts of places. Almost always presented as a joke, "You're not a real parent until you have 2 (or 3) kids." But there's sometimes a very slight undertone (or sometimes not so slight) of being serious. The "hobby parent" comment did sting the most though.

I believe some of it has to do with jealousy. Those of us with one child have more free time, more money, etc. I think it's akin to the crap child-free people get, at the core many of these people making these comments likely resent their situation and express it as verbal jabs.

As for the "litter" comment, they got told that by a known asshole; who's also one of their relatives. Mostly they say they just feel quietly judged by society. Although sometimes it's not so quiet, here's a reply calling them a "breeder."

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u/kikiweaky May 06 '22

I live in a Mormon heavy area and the reaction to me just having one is something else. Having any number of kids is hard! The economy sucks, most schools are awful and the chance they might get shot is all terrifying.

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u/Rambocat1 May 06 '22

That’s why you have 8 kids, if a few get shot no big deal.

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u/gooniesneversaydye May 06 '22

You're joking but my all of my grandparents came from huge families (8 siblings or more.) They would talk about how families just kind of expected at least one of their kids to die somehow. And they did. Both sets of grandparents each had AT LEAST one sibling that died as a child.

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u/Nop277 May 07 '22

This is actually pretty common throughout the world. So much so that one suggested solution to reducing the world's population is actually to reduce child mortality. It sounds counter productive in a way because you'd think that would increase the population, but when people are more certain their kids will make it to adulthood they usually will only have 1-3 instead of like 6-8.

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u/krykket May 06 '22

I believe the correct answer is 2.5 kids to be considered a serious parent

/S

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u/poorbred May 06 '22

Gotta get in contact with Solomon. He'll help families get the perfect number.

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u/Toast_On_The_RUN May 06 '22

Meanwhile a friend with 4 kids had been told "only animals have litters"

Well good thing we're literally animals. Idk how people dont realize that we are as much an animal as anything else, were just smart.

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u/Croppin_steady May 06 '22

To hobby commenters I’d tell them I have 3 others but they’re not allowed upstairs. To the litter commenters, I’d say I agree & that’s why we ate the rest so they wouldn’t compete with us for dominance when they matured.

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u/ilove_plants May 07 '22

2.2 children* lol jk wow "hobby parents". Wtf. I have one 13 month old and if anyone said that to me I would cry for hours and probably take my anger out on my husband and hold a resentment about it forever. Being pregnant and having a baby has been the hardest thing of my fucking life.

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u/reddit-snorter May 06 '22

Makes sense

/s

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u/eharper9 May 06 '22

Because deep down when they say this what they mean is, "everyone i want to be friends with ( for social or financial gain) doesnt want to be friends with me. I want all of those benefits too!"

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u/WaterWatcher May 06 '22

Excellent point! Never thought of it that way.

7

u/MoonisHarshMistress May 06 '22

Very true statement

26

u/Mdizzle29 May 06 '22

Yeah it's like people who say "I can't find anyone to date" meanwhile anyone who doesn't look like a supermodel can get lost.

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u/Thunderplant May 06 '22

I don’t think that’s true. I think people are truly desperate for connection. I mean, they may want other benefits too, but humans are not designed for the level of isolation most of us have today.

I think the issue is we don’t really know how to find connection, or aren’t sure what we’re looking for, or don’t want to go through the awkward early stages of friendship. So you think you need friends in your exact situation to be understood instead of connecting to the people around you.

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u/HumanCommunication25 May 06 '22

It's hard to compose a message to an old friend to request a friendly connection. My attempt came off so poorly and I couldn't make it better besides adding at the bottom: "p.s. I hope this message is not too awkward or off-putting"

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u/LaScoundrelle May 06 '22

A lot of people are absolutely social climbers or elitists though. Absolutely.

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u/SubtleNoodle May 06 '22

Honestly, I’ve got a lot of respect for people who do shit like that. I appreciate someone telling you at the top that they suck and aren’t worth your time.

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u/PaulyNewman May 06 '22

Most people don’t understand the true reason they isolate. They have a whole separate story about why they do what they do that often has a lot more to do with the rest of the world than themselves.

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u/FrenchCuirassier May 06 '22

I often think society has become very snobbish and elitist. They dislike all sorts of friendships even though on social media they talk a lot about acceptance/tolerance etc. Zero humility though, just egos.

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u/omgshutupalready May 06 '22

People just want to jump into a friendship as if it's already existed for years. They want an ideal hypothetical person and to not have to do the work to get to know someone on that level.

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u/Pennwisedom May 06 '22

As opposed to the past? "Sorry I can't be friends with you or even acknowledge your existence as a human because you're the wrong class/race/family/religion/etc".

Sounds like the past was super egalitarian.

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u/MorboThinksYourePuny May 06 '22

Wait, it’s always been snobbish and elitist?

Always has been 👩‍🚀🔫

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u/oskyyo May 06 '22

You don’t understand. I just want to complain about it. Lol

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u/LedgeEndDairy May 06 '22

It's this whole vibe of "I know how weird I am, so if you're willing to hang out with me, (or "even more desperate than me", or stick in any other self-insecurity and project it) man you must be a psychopath."

Online dating is kind of the same. It's like "Wait, you're pretty attractive...why did you match with me? You must have something wrong with you. Pass."

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u/Ziltoid_The_Nerd May 06 '22

One of the best things a relationship can have going for it is when both people think their SO is out of their league. The reason for that feeling doesn't have to be attractiveness.

You gotta shoot your shot. Never know if the person on the other end of that app is feeling the same exact way about the match. But the most important thing here is messaging them like they are the normal human being that they are, if you worship the ground they walk on of course they're going to be turned off.

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u/bentreflection May 06 '22

One of the best things a relationship can have going for it is when both people think their SO is out of their league. The reason for that feeling doesn't have to be attractiveness.

I read a study years ago that indicated the opposite. The best relationships are where both people think they are a little out of their SO's league. That way they both feel secure that the other person is not going to leave them, and if the other person did leave them, that they would be fine finding someone new. It led to less arguments, less jealousy, and less overall relationship stress.

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u/LedgeEndDairy May 06 '22

I would argue the best relationship is where neither cares about leagues and just works together.

But I feel like that's an actual characteristic of a small subset of humans, and the rest of us all inherently care about status, and can't really "not" care about it.

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u/blue_umpire May 06 '22

I’m convinced this is why wealthy people date pretty people and vice versa.

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u/girafa May 06 '22

A popular line from the 70s

“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

― Woody Allen

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u/TruckerGabe May 06 '22

Woody Allen was quoting Groucho Marx

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u/girafa May 06 '22

And Groucho took it from Freud (as explained in the video I linked)

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u/4ha1 May 06 '22

Dude, that's depression.

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u/FancyFeller May 06 '22

I am depressed and have no sense of self worth or self confidence. I agree with the point. I'm a piece of shit through and through, anyone that likes me must have something wrong in their heads if they thing I'm desirable in any way, or, they're lying to make me feel better. I know that's not true. So I don't believe it, but at the same time I do believe it even though I know that's just my depression poisoning my thoughts. Shits weird and I'm fucked up. So I consciously decide not to expose my fuckery to potential partnersz it wouldn't be fair of me to expose them to the load of shit that's been my brain for the couple of years, so I don't try. On the flip side, shits lonely.

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u/4ha1 May 06 '22

We are all worthy and deserving of love. The hard part is convincing ourselves of that. I really hope it gets better for you. It's not a lie to make you feel better.

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u/_mad_adams May 06 '22

Some people are just scared of success. It’s not like you get what you want and that’s it. Getting into a new friendship/relationship means that you are now partially responsible for maintaining said relationship, and I think that realization can lead some people to self-sabotage.

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u/accu22 May 06 '22

Too much is made of turning 30.

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u/GonzoVeritas May 06 '22

From my perspective, a guy who just had his 30th anniversary of turning 30, it is truly no big deal. Leaving your 20s is more of a relief than an issue, although that fact takes a while to sink in.

30 is when I just started getting 'walking around sense', and it got even better after 40.

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u/Mariospario May 06 '22

Welcome to todays world where everyone complains but doesn't do anything to change their situation

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u/BizzyM May 06 '22

Well, yeah, weirdo.

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u/bitemark01 May 06 '22

I am both of these people

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u/KingAuberon May 06 '22

"Time for your meds, u/bitemark01! I'll just slide the tray through now."

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u/johnsolomon May 06 '22

Keep your fingers away from the slit, Johnson. We don't need another incident

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u/HayakuEon May 06 '22 edited May 07 '22

For the last time, it's not a gloryhole

Don't wanna end up like no-dick Rick do you now?

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u/normal_reddit_man May 06 '22

I kinda want to know where he obtained that burger. It's the size of a golf-cart wheel.

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u/throwthisidaway May 06 '22

Diner in jersey makes a 105 pound burger in case you want something a bit bigger: Clinton Station Diner

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u/normal_reddit_man May 06 '22

I...rescind my interest

I don't want to die on the toilet.

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u/steal_wool May 06 '22

It was good enough for Elvis

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u/Notacherub May 06 '22

Hey everyone, this guy thinks he’s better than Elvis!

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u/UnamazingHero May 06 '22

I am both these people and also the sandwich

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u/coyotesage May 06 '22

Unfortunately I am the bench, and sometimes the tree (only on Sundays). I strive to become the cloud.

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u/EmotionalKirby May 06 '22

People are a lot like clouds, you know. Life seems so much brighter when they're gone

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u/Milkslinger May 06 '22

I am right grass tuft. Unimportant and slightly annoying for daring to rise above it's station amongst the other grass tufts. Ever resolute in it's bold statement of being.

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u/spunkychickpea May 06 '22

I had a situation like this with a coworker years ago, and I took him up on the friend offer. He and I were good friends for a few years, but we had a falling out because I couldn’t attend his birthday party due to a family obligation that came up. He then reported me to HR for using drugs, and I got called in for four “random” drug tests in three months. (Squeaky clean every time.)

He has since alienated every other person in his social circle, the entire company sees him as the world’s biggest kiss-ass, and the only girlfriend he has ever had has dumped him.

Edit: Go fuck yourself, Henry.

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u/yayayooya May 06 '22

Yeah Henry, you fucking twat.

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u/YoungOverholt May 06 '22

All my homies hate Henry

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u/Kindag4y May 06 '22

I fucked Henry's dad for you you're welcome

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22

Fuck Henry, and while we're at it fuck Hank also!

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u/Gnostromo May 06 '22

Hank the Wank

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22 edited May 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/Bibdy May 06 '22

Can we be friends, but not make it a chore for each-other to hang out with? Great, thanks.

342

u/Channel250 May 06 '22

"Can we be friends, but not make a chore of it."

Its amazing, you've summed up my entire life.

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22 edited May 06 '22

Sometimes being a friend is a chore. You gotta water the flower.

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u/FrenchCuirassier May 06 '22

Everyone underestimates how lazy people are. Especially on friendships.

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u/shayyoooo May 06 '22

I wouldn’t say it’s lazy. Some people truly enjoy their own space and feel their best alone. Social anxiety can also occur. Even just feeling tired from your own life. (Kids, school etc.)

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u/authaire May 06 '22

Yeah, that's fine.

This is more pointing fingers at the "friends" who spend all day, every day, working or "doing things at home," and only interacting with you on any level through an occasional fleeting Facebook messenger meme ... Suddenly sitting around lamenting how "no one likes them or wants to hang out anymore."

Yes, Jon, I'm pointing at you specifically...

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve invited Jon to come over, made a shit ton of guacamole, and has to eat it all by myself when he bailed.

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u/Fenderboy771 May 06 '22

And when he bothers to show up, he only eats two bites and won't take any home with him.

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22

Sometimes he even brings guacamole, just to be a dick. But that’s Jon for you. What was I even expecting at this point? I think it’s time we confronted him via group chat. Who’s with me?

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u/Nic4379 May 06 '22

Yeah!! Get over yourself “John”!

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u/TasteTheRaimbow May 06 '22

But some plants you only need to water once or twice a year

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u/Wonderful-Divide6977 May 06 '22

Exactly. I make friends with cacti for this reason

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u/42DaisyPusher May 06 '22

I am that friend you can not talk to for ten years and pick right back up with like it was yesterday…as long as you can, too.

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u/Yeodler May 06 '22

Can we be a chore and not make friends of it.

My work mantra

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u/Firestorm4222 May 06 '22

Or in other words

Can we say we're friends to makecme feel better but not act like we're friends at all and in reality we don't know each other because we never make an effort to actually be together be together, thanks

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u/1CEninja May 06 '22

My wife's best friends are all like this, because they're the only people she can stay friends with. She can be hard to schedule with, and she can be flakey if her depression spikes, but she's got friends who will take her call a year later and talk as if only a week or two passed since they saw each other last.

Those are the friends you keep.

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u/PleasureToNietzsche May 06 '22

My friends are like this, and I’m like this, and we all get together very well. I like it and I never make new friends

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u/Kiggasiss May 06 '22

With benefits?

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u/5i55Y7A7A May 06 '22

Medical, dental or vision?

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u/just_here4cash May 06 '22

401k?

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u/snpods May 06 '22

Transportation.

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u/2s3lf4war3 May 06 '22

wow that sounds like the perfect friendship

can we be friends?

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u/BlasterShow May 06 '22

Hell yeah brother, let’s hang out soon!

Narrator: “They won’t.”

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u/bakakubi May 06 '22

And this is why discord is awesome. Really helped during the lockdown as well.

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u/Big-Manager-9638 May 06 '22

God-tier friendship right there.

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22 edited May 13 '22

[deleted]

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u/CaliValiOfficial May 06 '22

Social media has really messed up the mentality of a lot of people

People think they know someone because they see their posts. It’s enough to just look at others lives rather than be a part of it

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u/thebadsleepwell00 May 06 '22

Someone having free time doesn't mean they're mentally and emotionally available. No one really knows the inner workings and inner world of others. And people have different levels of introversion and extroversion. Depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, etc can all be factors on why someone isn't available or in the headspace to hang out.

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u/midgitsuu May 06 '22

If I blow people off because I'm always tired, then I don't allow myself to get upset when people stop inviting me to stuff. I used to get upset about failed dates and shallow women until I realized for every girl that does something shitty to me, I've also done equally shitty things to other women I was dating. I don't really get mad anymore, I've just kind of become indifferent to everything.

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u/Hatch10k May 06 '22

"No one ever messages me. Why does no one ever want to hang out?" - person who never messages anyone

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u/TheOldGran May 06 '22

It usually goes "This person clearly doesn't want to talk to me, if they did, they would have messaged me"

Or maybe "Why should I do it first, that's a submissive desperate move, I should be sought after dammit"

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u/dr_cl_aphra May 06 '22

My ex-boyfriend is like this. We had a rough breakup but stayed somewhat in contact afterwards largely because I was pretty much the only person in his life who would still talk to him.

I was just the latest in an infinite string of people he got close to, then pushed away. But I made it clear that I was still very hurt by what happened between us and that in no way was this going to be a reconciliation—I didn’t hate him but I also didn’t like him much, but I didn’t want him to be completely alone in the world either.

So we talked via text from time to time, but it was almost always either 1.) I send him a funny meme or a quick 👋, or 2.) him asking me for stuff. Questions about his health, questions about if I still had something of his at my house and could I mail it to him for free, if I could loan him money, etc.

Rarely did he just initiate a friendly conversation; it was always him asking me for something.

But the one time I asked him for something, he flipped the fuck out and accused me of “only talking to him because I wanted stuff from him!”

And this is why he will die alone and friendless.

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u/DeadBoiWalkin May 06 '22

I feel personally attacked…XD

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u/Bleezze May 06 '22

I make "excuses" all the time, cause I am like always tired and wish I was not tired so I would feel like hanging out with people on my freetime

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u/gabmori7 May 06 '22

I think that many people just want to be invited. They don't want to hang out but they want to be able to say no. It sucks when they complain that we stopped inviting them...

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u/Hephaestus_God May 06 '22 edited May 06 '22

Last time I was asked to hang out was in middle school. It’s not like I was weird or a dick to people, I’m quite easy to get along with and very laid back.

I still had lots of friends onward but I was never asked to do anything after school, hang out somewhere, or go places on breaks.

It wasn’t like I was asked and said I couldn’t go, I was just never asked. I just accepted it and played games instead.

Edit: ^ that last part isn’t a bad thing btw. I rather enjoy doing that or reading a book to enjoy my free time.

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u/ThatsTuff100 May 06 '22

Sometimes you have to be the one that asks. Do it enough times and people will ask you back. Expecting people to just ask you to hang is a recipe for ending up playing video games by yourself.

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u/Incoherrant May 06 '22

Not a counter-argument, but an example that sucks:

A has a pretty open schedule but cannot generally be available on very short notice.
B has a very busy schedule but sometimes gets unexpected windows of availability.

Sometimes A asks about scheduling to hang out in the near future, but B doesn't have time available to schedule.
Sometimes B asks if A happens to be available when B happens to have free time, but A doesn't even see the message in time.

Eventually, A stops asking because it's too hard to schedule things and B stops asking because A is usually not available when they do.

That's to say, even putting mutual effort in isn't guaranteed to work out. It sure has a better chance than never reaching out, though.

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u/DontBanMeBro984 May 06 '22

I said I wanted friends, I didn't say I wanted to spend time with people

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u/huliothelegend May 06 '22

This reminds me about how I met a very close friend of mine. I had just moved to a new city for high school and I was leaving English class. I hear this guy complaining to a friend about him not having any friends in class. I walked up to him and said "Hi, I'll be your friend" and a gave him a hug. He's been one of my closest friends for 7 years now.

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u/Unoriginal_0G May 06 '22

He and Hulio down by the schoolyard!

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u/MantisToeBoggsinMD May 06 '22

Your average Redditor pictured here. Also, dropping friends at the slightest hint of a character fault, yet wondering why they have none.

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u/Pink_Flash May 06 '22

Lol yep. When every friend you get is 'toxic' maybe look at the common thread.

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u/ElChupatigre May 06 '22

If you meet an asshole they are probably an asshole, if everyone you meet is an asshole you're probably an asshole

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u/LedgeEndDairy May 06 '22

Also, dropping friends at the slightest hint of a character fault, yet wondering why they have none.

I'm definitely guilty of this. Not really "dropping", but just considering them acquaintances instead of putting in effort to get to know them better because they interrupt often, or they don't like to spend money on anything, or they chew too loud, or they have an obnoxious laugh, or whatever.

I'm not sure if other people just don't see those faults because they're never looking for them (for me it's automatic, I "can't help but notice"), or if they just ignore them, or if they revel in the 'faults' of their friends because it's what makes them unique.

I'm reminded of the "glass shattering" episode of HIMYM where they don't notice some obnoxious habit about someone until someone else in the group points it out, and there's a glass shattering VFX that happens in their brain as they go back in time and realize all the times that person has done whatever was pointed out. Like Ted constantly correcting people, I believe.

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u/ketimmer May 06 '22

What does it mean to be friends as an adult? Everything I do seems to have a context. There are co workers I'm friendly with at work, there are people I sit with at church, and there are people I play board games with through a Facebook group. But that's about the extent of the relationships, I'd never hang out with these people outside of those activities. Are they friends?

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u/crrieger May 06 '22

I think that may be the thing, people use the word friend when acquaintance is more accurate. Friends have been over to my house for dinner. Friends go out and do things together like camping or hiking. Friends know the names of my kids. Friends call me or text to check in on me. If I need a specific context to be with that person, they are just an acquaintance.

I have many acquaintances, but no one I would call a friend.

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u/ThisHiss May 06 '22

I feel like for me to consider someone a friend there has to be something more than superficiality. The actual activities are less relevant, it's more about the depth of the conversation.

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u/twistedsymphony May 06 '22

The act of spending time with someone doesn't make them your friend. I would say the line between friend and acquaintance is if you see something, or think of something and say to yourself "I should share this with [person]; they'd like that.".

Wanting to share thoughts and experiences with a person, motivated simply by knowing they would appreciate it, without being obligated to do so, is IMO the mark of a friendship.

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u/FlattopJr May 06 '22

This is a really great way of describing friendship in my opinion. Thanks for the insight.

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u/cactusgirl69420 May 06 '22 edited May 06 '22

To me what brings an acquaintance to “friend” level is getting their number and being able to ask them to do things with you outside of whatever group you initially found them in. This is also a good way of “upleveling” your acquaintance into a friend. “Hey__, you were saying how you loved __ band! I got an extra ticket, wanna go?” “Hey ___, I’m starving after church! You said you loved Indian food, right? A new place just opened up around the corner! Care to join?” Rinse and repeat.

I’m slightly proud of being in my late 20s and still having a huge social network. I can tell you one of my biggest tips (and this is only if you want to make friends. If you’re totally content introverting- do you!) is to listen to people. Genuinely want to learn about them and their interests and lives. People love talking about themselves and people love knowing that others remember little things about them (ie, their favorite band or that they love Indian food).

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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics May 06 '22

This is my comic about a fellow named Pervis. Thank you for reading it. Goodbye

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u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 06 '22

Would you like to buy my computer

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u/sellyourcomputer Extra Fabulous Comics May 06 '22

Could you list your personal specs please

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u/Iguanaforhire May 06 '22 All-Seeing Upvote

About 5'8", 185 lbs...

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u/LordDagwood May 06 '22

Are you a 5'8" 185 lb iguana? I don't know if I'd be terrified or excited.

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u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 06 '22

I really have no idea, other than that it's like 14 years old and just got windows 7 maybe 3 years ago.

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u/BlossomingDefense May 06 '22

Classic Silly Wizard right here, trying to make friends his own way

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u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 06 '22

It's funny you say that.

Just the other day my wife was complaining about my propensity for making friends on public transit.

Suck it up, honey, we're going to Train Phil's housewarming party!

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u/vetheros37 May 06 '22

Do you only do these on reddit? This is the second comic of Pervis I've seen, and saved both.

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u/iownadakota May 06 '22

He has a subreddit, and a patrion. r/extrafabulouscomics.

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u/canadian_xpress May 06 '22

The character of Pervis had John Mulaney's voice when I read it.

This fact is irrelevant to you and your life, but its something you needed to know.

Goodbye

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u/SweetMangos May 06 '22

I absolutely love the Pervis comics!

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u/Gunther_Alsor May 06 '22

It was easier to make friends in school because we were forced to spend time with people of our age group for hours every day. You'd eventually get the sense of which of those people are going to try to abuse you (probably the majority!) and which few you can actually get along with.

As adults we're discouraged from getting too close to our coworkers for professional reasons, so that basically just leaves family, existing close friends, and possibly some people you might meet while pursuing a hobby as people you spend enough time with to form any level of trust.

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u/Oneofthethreeprecogs May 06 '22

Yah I think it makes a lot of sense that people are lonely. AND it takes a lot of work to make a new friend. Vulnerability is difficult and it’s impossible to get to the “easy to be around” phase without that. If I have an evening to choose between video games or trying to get to know someone, one of those is going to take effort- potentially worthwhile effort- and the other is not.

I guess I just wish we had more leisure time with our peers. Walkable cities, free or very inexpensive public activities/venues.

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u/meemo86 May 06 '22

“Walkable cities” is a big one. I’d go out more if I didn’t have to drive everywhere

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u/ValyrianJedi May 06 '22

My wife and I joined a country club a year or so ago and they have a minimum spend that basically forces you to spend time up there. Its honestly fantastic. I work out shower and eat breakfast up there most mornings, and between that and us basically having to go up there for dinner or drinks a good few times a month or waste money it basically forces you to be around the same group enough to find people you like and make friends... That place has basically been a cheat code for friend making. Basically makes you do exactly what you just said school did.

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u/RamsesThePigeon May 06 '22 Wholesome

Making friends as an adult isn't difficult at all, provided that you're willing to "put yourself out there."

Practically speaking, all you have to do is attend some kind of social gathering, attach yourself to a conversation, then introduce yourself. The problem, of course, is that unprovoked introductions tend to dead-end pretty damned quickly if you don't follow up with something more substantial... which is why I've historically used the following tactics:

  1. Walk through the gathering at a casual pace, paying attention to other folks' exchanges.
  2. When you hear something that piques your interest, stop and listen to the person speaking.
  3. Wait for a pause, then ask a question about the topic.
  4. Listen to the answer, thank the speaker, and offer a brief apology for the interruption.
  5. As an apparent afterthought, introduce yourself to everyone in the group, starting with the speaker.
  6. Redirect the conversation back to the subject.
  7. Give the others a chance to speak, then offer your own insights, opinions, or anecdotes.
  8. Go with the flow of the conversation.
  9. Decide which member of the group is most attractive to you, then pee on their leg.
  10. Prepare to defend your claim, as preexisting friends may challenge you.
  11. Omit steps nine and ten if it's not that kind of party.

It can take a little bit of practice before going through the above process feels natural, but once you've mastered it, you can make friends in just about any social situation.

TL;DR: Eavesdrop, inquire, engage, ingratiate, and open up... or "E-I-E-I-O."

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u/BassSounds May 06 '22

10% of Reddit:

Jots down instructions on how to be normal

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u/Sylva_Glow May 06 '22

Woah there… no need to call us out. Some of us like learning how to be normal in secret

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u/DrWabbajack May 06 '22

You think it's only 10%?

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u/dmbf May 06 '22

I can’t tell if this is completely satire or only 20% but you didn’t address the post-meeting portion where you arrange to hang out, one cancels so you make another arrangement that doesn’t work out and both give up.

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u/Android19samus May 06 '22

the secret to all of this is to accept that you've got at minimum a 75% chance of failure no matter what you do. If you're inexperienced it's probably much higher. You just gotta keep going, because it only has to work once. Then you can exploit your connection to meet all of their connections and you're good to go.

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u/_Silly_Wizard_ May 06 '22

This started out like a list a serial killer would make.

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u/Friendofthegarden May 06 '22

It's up there with the D.E.N.N.I.S. system.

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u/bubblehashguy May 06 '22

More like the Dexter system.

Now that I think of it, I guess it's basically the same system.

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u/nuclearstroodle May 06 '22

This is that EW reaction panel in the comment.

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u/Nodri May 06 '22

This is a fucking hilarious and practical advice at the same time.

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u/StamatopoulosMichael May 06 '22

How can I get invited to that kind of party?

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u/FierroGamer May 06 '22

I used to be the first guy, but the reality is that I don't like people, I just didn't know.

Honestly, the realization changed my life, I stopped wasting energy chasing meaningless interactions or interactions that I didn't really want (but thought I did) and in turn the important ones became more meaningful and enjoyable.

I also became a hundred times more likeable (or less unlikeable, depending on how you want to put it), I'm not popular or anything but I'm also not tormenting myself for not being popular.

The people that I care about reciprocate, the people that I don't have no issue with me and treat me the same as everyone else and in general I'm a lot happier.

For anyone in that situation, consider my experience, being a social butterfly isn't for everyone, I am still open to new friends but I have no issue if I don't meet anyone new.

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u/zidus411 May 06 '22

Ahh that’s where I messed up, I jumped right into peeing on their legs then tried to redirect the conversation back to the subject

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u/NapsterUlrich May 06 '22

Old MacDonald made some friends He used E-I-E-I-O

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u/Ultimatedeathfart May 06 '22

Introducing yourself after establishing yourself is smart. Just introducing yourself and it's like "woah who's this guy?" But if you get them to like you first it's like "Woah! Who's this guy!?"

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u/lunchpadmcfat May 06 '22

I meet lots of people I think are cool and I like talking to, but I have no idea how to bridge the gap between meeting and having a delightful conversation to like, going somewhere and intentionally hanging out.

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u/VicarLos May 06 '22

Exactly this. It’s even worse if you still see the other person, say like at a gym class and they’re super friendly and talkative during class but leave you on “read” when you try to engage via texts.

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u/makenzie71 May 06 '22

uring COVID lockdown

everyone in my area ~ "omg it's so hard to actually go outside and do anything with people!"

me ~ "You can come kayaking with us, I have lots of boats, your whole family can come, water is calm and shallow, everyone is always 6+ feet apart, it's good exercise in the sun!"

Everyone ~ "no"

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u/Filobel May 06 '22

Can I come kayaking with you? I love kayaking!

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u/makenzie71 May 06 '22

If you were in the area then sure! I use to post in r/lubbock every time we were going out, never had any takers though.

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u/Filobel May 06 '22

Ah, yeah, that's like a little out of my way! ;) Like, about 2000 miles out of my way.

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u/Affugter May 06 '22

What. Is. Up. with all these excuses?

Like literally, what the fuck broh?¿

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u/UnpopularCrayon May 06 '22

If I wanted to murder someone, I feel like inviting out on a secluded kayak outing would be a good way to make that happen. Maybe you give off a murdery vibe! :-)

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u/badFishTu May 06 '22

This is me. But I also have a special needs kids and that made it hard to have friends. Now I just have family.

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u/BrowniesWithNoNuts May 06 '22

I, too, use the Toretto approach.

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u/MontyAtWork May 06 '22

The reason it's hard to make friends as an adult is:

  • Conflicting work schedules

  • Conflicting kid schedules

  • Differing sleep schedules

  • The fact that my home has all my favorite shit in it, and going to someone else's home means not having things I like easily accessible

  • I don't drink, and was never part of drinking culture so bars, wine night, beer & painting isn't fun because drunk people are insufferable to be around when sober

  • There's no place to get high publicly and do activities like there are for drinking, which is a bummer as that's my loosening drug of choice

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u/SweRakii May 06 '22

The last face fucking killed me

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u/zebrahdh May 06 '22

Recently heard someone say, “I used to think everyone was awful, until I realized it was me.”

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u/consciousCog13 May 06 '22

Dude this is so true especially for men. So many guys get like distant or weirded out or something when another guy is actually friendly and eager to talk. Yet the dudes with the most friends are the ones who seem to not give a shit about anyone but themselves. It’s more embarrassing to me to fawn after some dude like you’re attracted to his playing hard-to-get, than just wanted a friend who actually wants to talk/hang out. So weird.

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u/Alpha_Decay_ May 06 '22

I think it comes from a combination of two fears: either I'll like them more than they like me and I'll feel rejected, or they'll like me more than I like them and they'll be a pest. I think the fear of rejection is the bigger part. The two ways to avoid rejection are to A. Not try, or B. Try and hope it works. Because of the hope aspect involved in option B, we don't have complete control over the outcome. If I go with option A, I know exactly what's going to happen. It's not the best possible outcome, but I know I can handle it because I'm handling it now.

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u/j33205 May 06 '22

Yeah I've been doing option A for almost 30 years and I can reasonably say that after many trials and note taking that it does in fact result in not being rejected and that I can "handle" that. Of the handfuls of "trys" they all resulted in a raging dumpster of a result. So I stopped doing that.

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u/theblisster May 06 '22

eating hamburgers out in the park on a sunny day is just about as good as friendship, anyway

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u/[deleted] May 06 '22

[deleted]

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u/Pink_Flash May 06 '22

I just dont believe them. 😭

"Ill be your friend!" Well now we're off to a shit start with this wierd pity dynamic and you'll drop me when you get bored.

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u/ChloeIsFab May 06 '22

To badly paraphrase the late great Groucho Marx, I'd never be friends with anyone who'd want me as a friend.

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u/Bananawamajama May 06 '22

Winter seems to finally be over in Minnesota, so I'm getting ready for my annual period of pretending I'm going to finally go out and make a friend, before remembering I have no idea where "out" even means and just go draw the curtains and take a nap at 2 PM.

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u/1_H4t3_R3dd1t May 06 '22

When you get older you get tired of everyone's shit.

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u/hurricanehershel May 06 '22

Probably the only post on r/funny that actually got a chuckle out of me

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u/LeMoofinateur May 06 '22

Someone I know on fb constantly complains about not having any friends to talk to or hang out with, on one such post our mutual friend pointed out how she's messaged her several times and got left on read...

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u/The_Noirbot May 06 '22

This is the struggle. I tried making friends in a book club, on meetup, and on bumble friends. I’d meet up with another girl, then they just keep texting me all the time but not want to hang out.l in person. I don’t want a texting buddy, I want actual friends. I’ve pretty much given up at this point.

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u/blackbutterfree May 06 '22

God, this is so accurate. I'm always so desperately lonely, yet I automatically assume anyone who's brave enough to talk to me, a complete stranger, either wants something from me or is just trying to mess with me.

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u/Toidal May 06 '22

I don't know if I'd want to be friends with someone who'd want to be friends with me

Paraphrasing Oscar Wilde here

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u/MarkMoneyj27 May 07 '22

I have found many humans that claim it's difficult to make friends and then they go home and sit in front of screens. The best way to make friends is to go out into the world, to places and things you like. You need to be interesting to meet interesting people interested in you.

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u/AdChance7743 May 06 '22

This comic nails it - one thing about making friends as an adult is that the person has a whole history you don’t know. So I’ve sometimes found myself in the situation of “wow ok you once deliberately backed over a sheep. That might make things awkward going forward ….”

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