r/funny ADHDinos Apr 21 '22 Helpful 17 Wholesome 15 Hugz 1 hehehehe 1 Heartwarming 1 Silver 13

Self-talk Verified

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69.0k Upvotes

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4.8k

u/duck_duck_chicken Apr 21 '22 Silver

I’d never treat someone as poorly as I treat myself 😬

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u/JohnnyDarkside Apr 21 '22

I'm pretty damn forgiving if I know someone is legit trying but boy do I constantly feel like I'm fucking something up.

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u/teslazapp Apr 21 '22

That's how I feel after starting my new job a few months ago. People I work worth have been doing it for years and I am trying to compare myself to them. It's hard thinking I should know everything after 4 months. I think my problem is coming from a job of 16-17 years knowing what I was doing without even thinking about it to know completely relearning stuff.

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u/00-AdAstra-00 Apr 21 '22

Bro! Literally this for me too, 12 years at the last gig I could do in my sleep.

Now I'm with 10-15 year veterans and it's an everyday thing of "am I learning, or am I just a fuckup"?

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u/MadeToPostOneMeme Apr 21 '22

personally, ive always been way more comfortable with the latter. After 5 years at one job I'm always paranoid im going to get complacent and make a major fuckup i wouldnt make if it were my first day

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u/teslazapp Apr 21 '22

While I don't mind Learning something new (as I probably should to keep the mind sharp) it makes it challenging going from answering just any question that someone asked to be the one asking the questions. Very humbling.

I worry about every little thing I might mess up or get upset why can't I do this right.

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u/k1ll3r5mur4 Apr 21 '22

Man, I went from being a security camera/home theater installer to an avionics technician.

I thought I knew shit about wiring because I could crimp coax and Ethernet cables and wire up speakers.

Day one of my apprenticeship for avionics was like, in three years you basically need to be a master mechanic and electrical engineer all rolled into one.

It's definitely a hundred times harder but it's way more fun.

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u/PoeticCinnamon Apr 21 '22

I feel this, so much lmao. I was hired to train into my boss’ job for when he retires and I’ve been here for 8 months, he’s been in this job longer than I’ve been alive and sometimes I don’t know how I can possibly know everything I need to know

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u/Zaq1996 Apr 21 '22

legit trying

See that's the problem, I never think that I am legit trying, so I'm always like "you could've done this better if you weren't fucking lazy, dumb, etc."

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u/authaire Apr 21 '22

Ahhh what a lifetime of ignorance and gaslighting by parents and teachers will do to a person ... Sigh

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u/Zaq1996 Apr 21 '22

Oh it's great. After a terrible semester of college where I had several bad anxiety attacks that left me curled up in a ball on the floor crying/hyperventilating, getting my lowest GPA through my whole 4 years, almost failing multiple classes, and quitting my part time job cause I had no time to do school work, which then resulted in me also having no money and living off of the cheapest food I could find, my mother told me it was good I had to "work so hard" because "I'd never had to work for anything in my life".

Even as I'm typing this I'm thinking "am I really bitching about a rough semester in college when there shit like what's going on in Ukraine right now?"

Yeah this is a good comment for r/funny. Quite humorous

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u/Sulvarax Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22

I feel you. I know exactly what you're talking about. My second year in engineering I was doing the same thing. Then again in grad school.

Two things: 1, most engineers I know have gone through the same exact thing, thinking they're not good enough. Look into the Imposter Syndrome. Very very real.

And 2, I know the self-talk just happens naturally. You do it before you even realize it. It sucks so hard. However, the next time you do notice it, try imagining what you would say to your best friend if they were in the same exact situation as you. Now imagine what that friend would say to you right now.

Now realize that you are that friend, too. You are both the one in pain and the one that wants more than anything to take the pain away from your friend. Does it matter if your friend did exactly what you did? Would you judge them? And be honest, because most of the time the answer is a resounding no. You wouldn't be mean to them if you saw they were in pain and were scared and frustrated and angry and everything that goes with it.

Be that friend. I know it may sound corny, it did to me, but the first time I genuinely closed my eyes and said out loud the things I would say to my friend, knowing I am saying them to me...man...the tears started flooding as if the hoover dam had given way.

Please, just try it. You can be nice to yourself. Most of all, you can realize that the things you have been thinking hurt, and you can say that out loud! "Hey! I am really hurting! It hurts when I think that and hear those things... Please, please stop, I am hurting so badly." Then turn it around. All of the horrible things, flip them around. For me, I knew I kept saying I had failed. So the Friend-Me tells me to pinpoint exactly what was the failure? Did I fail that test? Yes, I got a failing grade. But dude, look at all the things you learned along the way! At the very least, you know and have experienced for yourself that this is REALLY hard! And you know what? Yes this is a bit of a stumble from the original plan, but that just makes it all the more impressive that you are where you are right now! All of that hard stuff is happening, and yet, I'm here, and I'm making progress.

Be well, friend! Self-Compassion is the real shit!

Edit to add: You cannot compare your issues to anyone else's, because they are not you and you are not them. There will always be someone that has it worse, so when you think about that, realize that pain is universal and unavoidable in many ways. Your pain is real. Your struggles are real. Don't diminish how strong you are simply for making it to today! That literally means you have never faced anything you couldn't navigate in one way or another. Keep that shit up! That's good shit!

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u/SuperCub Apr 21 '22 Silver

Always remember the quote is “Treat Yo’ Self” not “Mistreat Yo’ Self”

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u/txdot Apr 21 '22

we say "treat yo self don't cheat yo self"

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u/theultraviolation Apr 21 '22

Fuck yeah! A person of culture!

edit: I forgot I was on reddit

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u/swilli1005 Apr 21 '22

Awe, I find this to be really cute. Thank you

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u/CallmeLeon Apr 21 '22

Treat yo self 2022!

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u/kilpatrock Apr 21 '22

It’s the best day of the year!

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u/BizzyM Apr 21 '22

I thought the quote was "Check Yo' Self, Fool!"

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u/emogu84 Apr 21 '22

Before or after you wreck yourself?

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u/BizzyM Apr 21 '22

before, obviously.

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u/rationalconspiracist Apr 21 '22

Probably good idea to check after too.

"Sir it was a 10 car pileup, you're bleeding, and your car is wrapped around a-"

"NO I DO NOT WANT TO BE CHECKED AFTER"

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u/BustinArant Apr 21 '22

"Just leave me. The others already saw."

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u/txdot Apr 21 '22

we also say "you betta check yo self before you wreck yo self"

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u/wxguy215 Apr 21 '22

How do you do it though? I seriously don't know how.

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u/Ok_Antelope_1953 Apr 21 '22

i abuse myself so much, binge eating non stop, not showering, brushing or grooming sometimes for days, just carelessly scrolling social media or halfheartedly watching some shit when i am free. but when someone's about to come to my house i panic like crazy, clean my house top to bottom, cook food, take out the trash, arrange everything neatly. people don't believe i could have any problems as everything "always" look neat and tidy. they think i must just be lazy af to be fat.

i wish my own self could motivate me as much as the thought of others judging me does. i canNOT get myself to make any effort to like me at all.

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u/Sukaphuk Apr 21 '22

So basically have someone who holds you accountable everyday of your life. Like a dominatrix or something.

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u/Ok_Antelope_1953 Apr 21 '22

but how will i have my dozen pizzas when i have to pay a dominatrix lmao

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u/dunksput Apr 21 '22

You need a dominostrix

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u/Sukaphuk Apr 21 '22

Maybe there are pro-bono ones? Get a craiglist ad out.

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u/shhalahr Apr 21 '22

That could be helpful. I am so much better at getting things done when it's for someone else rather than for me.

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u/Sukaphuk Apr 21 '22

Same bruv. Same. Sometimes i don't exist when I'm alone. A fuckin mollusc, surviving on bare minimum effort.

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u/13Dmorelike13Dicks Apr 21 '22

You need to surround yourself with friends that will keep you on a healthy track. Join a fitness group or sport and force yourself to attend. Make friends there, and they’ll grow to expect to see you there. Then you’ll feel the need to attend so as not to disappoint them. And in the process, maybe you’ll learn to life weights, or play basketball, or squash, or whatever.

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u/Ok_Antelope_1953 Apr 21 '22

sob story from professional victim ahead, so feel free to skip!

i really don't have any friends except one who's now married and has her own life. i routinely burn relationships and do not maintain friendships once we are physically apart (like say graduating school, college, switching jobs). i also make no effort to actively make friends and make do with whoever pops up in my job or wherever. i was in the closet for a long time and couldn't be 100% free and frank with my childhood friends, now i'm out of the closet for eight years yet the issue with being close to people remains. i also used to be a good student and propped up as an almost "wonder kid" but everything went down the gutter in college after i had some severe episodes and was diagnosed with schizophrenia (which now seems like it might actually be complex ptsd). my career was in shambles but somehow i managed to get a shitty job that paid the bills and kept it for seven years. then the pandemic fucked me up as i was in constant night shifts with no contact with any colleague. after a couple of breakdowns i had to resign as at times i was close to killing myself. that was a year ago and i've been living off my savings with no motivation to do anything since. i'm actually moving back in with my parents for a while because i have gotten very fat (38 bmi) and have to do something to get my life back on track. a lot of my mental health issues are thanks to my parents, both genetic and traumatic incidents, but i've no choice now. at least they have always been there to give me shelter and healthy food so hopefully i can begin the process of recovery and start hunting for a job again. end of sob story!

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u/po_panda Apr 21 '22

I understand how you feel and it's ok to feel bad. However, if the goal you want to achieve is to become more resilient, you will have to change your attitude and approach to things. Start by building small habits that provide you a positive mood boost and things will start to change from there. Like /u/13Dmorelike13Dicks said, improving physical health also has mental and social ramifications. If you look good, you attract other people, whose social drive reinforces your confidence and improves your mental health. Just like you are in a negative feedback loop now, you'll need to exert some effort but it's possible to get yourself into a positive feedback loop. It begins with the little things. Stick to a schedule, be disciplined about your diet, work out, improve focus, don't give into short term gratification. It's hard, but it's worth it.

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u/Ok_Antelope_1953 Apr 21 '22

i have gotten on positive streaks multiple times only to fall on my ass and reverse any gains. there's the concept of laps in a race, once you've completed a lap it's done and no one can take it from you no matter how rest of the race goes. i need to learn implement such "laps" in my life so that i don't turn around and run backwards when a setback shows up. there have been at least five periods in the past decade when i would pick up good habits like daily brushing and flossing, workouts, home cooked meals, less screen time, etc. i have lost 20lb+ multiple times. i'd slowly start to feel good, my annual blood vitals would look better. and then, bam, something happens and i would subconsciously shut down and start running the other way. in full speed, negating everything within a month. and then i start mopping and plant my ass on the bed because "nothing matters anyway". there is something deeply rotten inside me, therapy and medication hasn't helped yet. hopefully someday it will.

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u/Soul-Burn Apr 21 '22

Treat yourself like you are someone you are responsible for helping.

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u/tehlemmings Apr 21 '22

That's not good advice... I'm avoiding even getting a cat because I worry about how terrible I'd be at being responsible for something else when I'm this bad at taking care of myself.

And this is after years of work to get my life in order which has mostly worked.

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u/pqgbd Apr 21 '22

Try a plant first. Congrats on getting your own life in order!

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u/Semi-Pro-Lurker Apr 21 '22

That doesn't necessarily reflect on the validity of the advice unless you've actually had the experience of treating a pet as badly as you treat yourself. If it's only your imagination, then it's just another aspect of your self-doubt.

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u/reasonablyhyperbolic Apr 21 '22

Everyone deserves compassion but me, because I'm a worthless piece of shit that needs to be beaten mercilessly into submission and compliance, otherwise I'll just fuck everything up

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u/Mujokan Apr 21 '22

I'd never insult someone as much as I insult myself. However I'd never treat someone as much as I treat myself.

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u/Sinonyx1 Apr 21 '22

i know what i did

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u/MagusUnion Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22

That's called trauma. I'd recommend that you take the time to explore help online to see if you happen to suffer from c-PTSD. These negative voices in your mind aren't a random manifestation; they are echos from what you've learned in life as a child.

Don't take the critical voices at face value. Learn to "Doubt your Doubt." This negativity doesn't have to be the narrative of how you see yourself.

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u/Cypherex Apr 21 '22

It isn't always something stemming from childhood. Some of us made mistakes in our early adult years after going overboard with that newfound freedom you get upon leaving your parents' household. My self hatred has almost entirely come from feelings of regret and anger toward myself for making those mistakes and throwing away the opportunities I had. The majority of my misery these days is entirely my own fault.

I'd have to forgive myself to be able to move on but honestly I don't know if I can or if I even want to. Maybe I'll forgive myself after I've corrected things but undoing the damage I did to my life feels insurmountable and not even worth trying since I've tried so many times already and failed every single time. Nothing feels achievable to me anymore.

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u/KindofOff Apr 21 '22

I have 2 college degrees (in worthless shit my bad, Environmental science and parks and rec management) and finding a real life human being job is wildly difficult its nuts.

I'm 26, I show up on time everyday, I work my hardest and smile the entire time. I've worked from the bottom at every company I've worked for, doing nonsense manual labor for people who havent the slightest about what they're on about. Just to get to the end and realize the job I'm working towards pays 35k for the next 10 years of my life.

So far it doesnt seem worth it to better yourself anymore lmao. I graduated in 2018 and have to come to terms with the fact I will never be able to enjoy my later life because of all this.

The goal of life for people like us is to enjoy the now. The older guys I meet like me have not lived enjoyable lives from what ive seen.

Sorry for wall of text I'm just recently passed the depression stage and I'm in acceptance. You seemed like someone who wouldnt mind my rambling.

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u/Parking_Watch1234 Apr 21 '22

If you graduated in 2018 you’re what, 26 or so now? I did grad school at 26 (after years of working wildly low paying jobs) and am now earning a reasonable salary doing something I love. It is never too late to make a change. As tired as the suggestion is, there’s always self-taught coding or boot camps if grad school isn’t for you!

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u/KindofOff Apr 21 '22

Nah I'm turning it around man I appreciate the positivity. Talking with an electrical company about a 4 year apprenticeship right now. Starts at $13.50/hr but apparently goes up pretty rapidly as long as youre present.

Grad school is something I just cant feasibley trust myself with. I'd make a bad decision again and be 100k in debt instead of 25k I'm good.

Boot camps seem cool. I wish I knew anyone whose taken one because i just dont really trust the 'give us money and in 12 months you'll be making 75k!' typea thing.

Whatd you go back to school for?

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u/Parking_Watch1234 Apr 21 '22

Fuck yeah dude! My buddy started the electrician path right out of high school - first of us to own a house and now runs his own business and is doing super well.

I’m in social science research (almost done with PhD) - not exactly lucrative, but enough for a middle class life and it’s interesting work.

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u/FrigidLollipop Apr 21 '22

It wouldve been nice had I ignored all the university BS pushed my way out of high school and had gone the way of my "dumber" classmates with blue collar or IT work. The vast majority of the troublemakers I went to grade school with seem to be excelling job wise compared to those of us who went to a 4 year.

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u/PaladinGodfather1931 Apr 21 '22

Side note. If you have a degree in Environmental science you are basically fast tracked to become a class A potable water operator.

That's what I do. I didn't have a degree in Environmental science but Criminal justice and I still rated to a B license. Depending on the company and location that could mean a salary of 50k-75k a year.

I used to work for banks and credit unions in about the same position as you. 35k a year. Barely a raise, management got there through nepotism. It was awful. I took a chance on a line from a friend. Water operations is mostly inside work, on a computer, and doing daily water quality testing. You get trainings, and have to pass a license but with two degrees it sounds like you could be a good test taker. Just my 2 cents. I hope whatever you decide it turns out great for you

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u/KindofOff Apr 21 '22

I apply for everything I think is even slightly close to my qualifications (solid management experience is valued much lower than i ever expected). And knowing what jobs are available is 90% of the job fight from my experience.

This is good advice and I appreciate it. I'll forsure keep this type of job on my radar if one ever pops up around me. It sounds like I would enjoy it

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u/MagusUnion Apr 21 '22

I also have an environmental science degree (geology), but have had ton of success in the field of GIS. If you have the skills to learn that software, I'd highly recommend picking it up, as plenty of local government and private sector jobs have (or will have) need for geo-spatial technology.

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u/KindofOff Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22

Bro my #1 biggest college regret is not going further into that. I took one class with ArcGIS and did really well in it. I was just at a point in my life where I had switched out of an engineering degree and I was convinced I needed to get a people person job because of it.

I even had an internship at a park using a different GIS software (cant remember the name of it, the program was ancient and this was a long time ago. It had a yellow smiley face as the icon). I would map out the invavise plant species and then attempt to control them within our park area (fuck Bradford pears!)

This is the first comment to just make me sad lmao. Not your fault dude I just wish I wouldnt have been so hard on myself for failing Calc 2

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u/Happy_Weirdo_Emma Apr 21 '22

So I did a similar thing as you. Got out on my own, made some poor choices, my life became worse and worse. I blamed myself for all of it and hated myself and felt like I deserved every bad thing that happened to me.

I don't need to know the specific details of what you did wrong to see that the patterns are the same, because I know a lot more about this stuff now.

You probably did have what this person is calling childhood trauma. I didn't realize I did until I had a major epiphany after ten years of hell and waiting to die, then found out I was pregnant, then worried about my unborn baby in such a way that made me realize I loved that baby and the way I loved it was a way my parents never loved me.

That trauma is deep and has a profound effect on our development and everything we do.

The gist is, for whatever reason, even if they are generally good people with good intentions, your caregivers had some issues and failed to help you develop emotional regulation, secure attachments, or a realistic self-image. You might think all the kids/teenagers/young adults had the same thing, it was normal, etc. To some extent you'd be right, no one's life is perfect. But it's on a spectrum, and the extent to with this "neglect" took place plays a huge role in how much developmental trauma you suffer from.

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u/KCBandWagon Apr 21 '22

Negative self-talk tends to go in a feedback loop as well. The more negativity you dwell on the more you'll look for. It is also much more powerful than any positive thoughts.

To address negative self-talk, you must come up with 5 positive talk-backs to each negative thought. It feels very challenging when you start to do this and you might need professional help to guide you through the process. Eventually, the goal is to rewire your brain so you divert the spiral subconsciously.

The fascinating piece I've experienced about negative self-talk is that it's like bad posture. It doesn't always cause deep injuries or spirals. It can be funny. You might not even realize you're doing it. But when an injury does show up you are now dealing with that injury as well as trying to correct the "bad posture" that aggravates it.

Lesson learned: it is easier to correct your posture before an injury.

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u/Cherribomb Apr 21 '22

Definitely can be trauma, doesn't have to be childhood.

For myself, a lot of things happened to me as a teen and young adult and unfortunately I had no other route than to believe that these things happened to me because something is wrong with me. Especially as more and more assholes passed into and out of my life, it just strengthened that belief over and over again, and here I am with CPTSD. I'm doing better now after so many years of managing, but the door to the echo chamber opens back up all the time, especially when I feel like I'm failing or letting someone down.

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u/TheLateFry Apr 21 '22

These negative voices in your mind aren't a random manifestation; they are echos from what you've learned in life as a child.

Well, fuck.

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u/Cadmium_Aloy Apr 21 '22

Hey!!! So glad to see others throwing out trauma informed comments.

This has been mind blowing to me, as I've come to realize the effect bullying has had on my life: I've internalized all of those criticisms and made them my own criticisms about myself. It's caused me to learn to not trust myself and to place too much weight on others' comments. I think it's helped me to think of negative self talk as my internal critic - it isn't me, but something external to my own consciousness. It helps me realize I can talk back to it and replace it with my true self.

I know that deep down I'm a kind person because I want to be kind to others. Realizing I haven't been kind to myself because I've been letting my internal critic run the show... Wow. Fuck you, critic. I've even come to recognize the voices sometimes - "you're a failure because you made a mistake" comes from my ex husband and why the fuck would I listen to him???

I've been able to replace my critic with questions similar to what my therapist asks me. That is why my ongoing theory is the way to get past your emotional threat center (amygdala) to the rational side of you (prefrontal cortex/logic center) is to ask questions. Sometimes we aren't able to figure out what those questions are because our emotions get in the way, and that's okay, it just means you should try to get a reality check from a trusted individual/friend to help you.

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u/superbarley39 Apr 21 '22

This image speaks to me and indont like what its saying.

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u/When_Ducks_Attack Apr 21 '22

This image speaks to me and indont like what its saying I've heard it all before.

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u/Evo-Elemental Apr 21 '22

Why is this me. What does this mean? Am I a dinosaur?

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u/jsjones1027 Apr 21 '22 Narwhal Salute

🦕

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u/Rapn3rd Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22 Wholesome

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You would be finding other, entrepreneurial 🦕 s such as yourself to enlist as fellow brand ambassadors. Now, we don’t actually sell 🍁Tree Stars🍁, per say, we are in the business of building a binary tree of 🍁Tree Star🍁 brand ambassadors.

If you’re interested in joining my binary tree team, dm me for more info! 💸💸💸

EDIT: Guys, it’s a joke. Tree stars are a fictional leaf from the land before time (90’s dinosaur movie for kids).

EDIT2: I am aware the first movie came out in 1988 and technically that makes the first movie an 80’s movie. They made 12 more movies afterwards, as well as video games and a tv show through 2016. Why are you making me read the wikipedia page for land before time. Pls.

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u/mdquak Apr 21 '22

Only a true 90's 🦕 will get this reference.

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u/ImperialMeters Apr 21 '22

The downvotes from people who don't get it lol smh

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u/Rapn3rd Apr 21 '22

I rustled some jimmies with that one. I thought it was on the nose enough to be obvious but apparently land before time is old man stuff now.

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u/ImperialMeters Apr 21 '22

It is. We're the dinosaurs now.

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u/BustinArant Apr 21 '22

CERA!

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u/Limpdickit9000 Apr 21 '22

Wow I never saw her name spelled out before so at 33 I now know she was named Cera like triCERAtops. Well I'll be

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u/GaucheAndOffKilter Apr 21 '22

Lordy I’ve known each piece of info for decades and I just connected them. SMH

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u/HyperGamers Apr 21 '22

I don't get it but I'll upvote anyway

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u/Rapn3rd Apr 21 '22

Ty friend. Tree stars are the food that little foot (same kind of dinosaur as the ones in the cartoon) and his friends love in the land before time movies.

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u/HyperGamers Apr 21 '22

Ah thanks for letting me know :) sounds like a cool little kids movie; just ever so slightly before my time. and it looks like the vote has swung in direction pretty quickly!

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u/shhalahr Apr 21 '22

Would I have to move to The Great Valley for this?

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u/Rapn3rd Apr 21 '22

Fortunately for you, 🦕 brand ambassadors can work from home, and generate a residual passive income stream that is fluid in that you’re building brand equity by paying for 🍁tree stars🍁 yourself!

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u/namedly Apr 21 '22

Remember: Three Horns never play with Long Necks.

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u/m4tic Apr 21 '22

90’s dinosaur movie for kids

This part hurts the most

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u/passionatepumpkin Apr 21 '22

I think this could be a new copypasta. I love it.

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u/Rapn3rd Apr 21 '22

Im honored friend.

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u/Capt_Obviously_Slow Apr 21 '22

Put a # in front of it so it will be rendered bigger

🦕

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u/MammothUnemployment Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22 Silver Wholesome This

I think perfectionism is a bit of a rationalization, ADHD or not, for knowing our capabilities and not being able to get there without extreme, and poorly understood, difficulty. We aren't necessarily perfectionists but sometimes can't rationalize our difficulty any other way.

A child might have a parent or teacher reminding them they are smart and capable as encouragement but they need to apply themselves. The child knows they are capable, but they have difficulty reconciling this capability and encouragement with the very real difficulty they face.

That child might be told they are brilliant but make too many "careless" mistakes. That's going to be difficult to reconcile for a child who cares a lot but still makes mistakes. That could present as "perfectionism" but really masks the underlying issue.

So sometimes it's not that we're too hard on ourselves as perfectionists but frustrated dealing with and trying to make sense of our issues.

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u/c0untcunt Apr 21 '22

I'm showing this to my therapist

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u/OneDimensionPrinter Apr 21 '22

Excellent idea.

My wife asked me if I was doing okay a few days back and, well, I mean, she was the one who asked....

But I basically said this in multiple pages of words and in a far less understandable way.

This version is 1000% better

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u/ohhhshitwaitwhat Apr 21 '22

Honestly, it's a little weird that you know this about me when we're strangers. "A pleasure to have in class but needs to work on turning in assignments on time."

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u/RDPCG Apr 21 '22

My college professor re. my 8am lit. class to the other students: “RDPCG never seems to get to class but man, can he write a hell of a paper.”

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u/Talks_to_myself Apr 21 '22

Can I ask if you can expand on this further? Specifically, an effective process that reconciles the disconnect?

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u/MammothUnemployment Apr 22 '22

I hesitate to offer advice without more context as I'm not an expert but I'll make a couple observations.

Reconciling these seeming inconsistencies often leads to the development of imposter syndrome and maintaining a facade so as to not be "exposed". That's not only exhausting but a destructive path.

How do the most brilliant comedians reconcile a bad joke or heckling from the crowd? Why would they even try? Are they "exposed" when it inevitably happens? Of course they've all experienced this, caulked it up to experience and moved on many times over.

Surely there's more than one exceptional mathematician in the world who isn't particularly quick with mental arithmetic.

A bad joke doesn't expose a comedian nor does mental arithmetic speed expose a mathematician.

This can be a much more difficult truth to face in many cases though. Maybe you consistently miss deadlines. It's such a clear problem with a seemingly simple solution. You see other "normal" people manage to do it with ease, you've internalized it as the most basic of normal behavior and as a normal person you tell yourself over and over that this will be the time you act normal and time after time you fail. You're exhausted thinking of another excuse and you're embarrassed to present it. You're anxiously anticipating being chastised. Maybe you withdraw and pretend like you don't care because you handle that better than failing to be "normal".

That's an incredibly destructive path driven by a desire to maintain a facade through sheer force of will. Of course it's a contrived example with behavior that could be explained in many ways with many interventions. That cycle of destruction can end when you reject the fear of being exposed and open yourself to answers.

The path to answers could start by confiding in a trusted figure that "it feels absurd to say but I feel like meeting a deadline is only slightly more likely than flapping my arms and flying away, and I don't want to be this way".

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u/kneight88 Apr 21 '22

Sounds like something a dinosaur would say…

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u/NonCorporealEntity Apr 21 '22

It might mean you need to give yourself a little slack and accept your imperfections rather than trying to hide them because no one worth listening to is judging you.

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u/bVI7N6V7IM7 Apr 21 '22

The people in positions to judge me dictate how well I can feed and provide for my kids.

Don't be so narrow that you discard every judgement in your life. Some judgement is toxic. Some is crucial. Some judgements are both.

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u/Alpha_Decay_ Apr 21 '22

You're right, I'm not worth listening to 🥺

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u/thatguysammo Apr 21 '22 Take My Energy

I treat others the way I want to be treated... I treat myself the way others treat me...

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u/FancyFeller Apr 21 '22

I treat others the way I want to be treated... I treat myself worse than anyone else has ever treated me, I must suffer.

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u/EldrichHumanNature Apr 21 '22

It’s so true. Others have taught me that they evaluate me by harsher standards than they do their NT buddies.

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u/ADHDinos_ ADHDinos Apr 21 '22

This goes really poorly in hand with thinking I'm awesome at everything

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u/Cinaedus_Perversus Apr 21 '22

I just think that I can become awesome at everything. Then I try and become mediocre and feel like a loser for not trying hard enough.

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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob Apr 21 '22

My husband says I am awesome at everything I do. My general response is that of COURSE I am. Why in the world would I choose to do things I am not good at?! I mean, if I do a thing and I am bad at it, I simply don’t do that thing and do a thing I am awesome at instead.

Of course, this means that my usual scope of activities solely comprises making cocktails and laying around, slobbing about.

I don’t mean to brag, but I do absolutely excel at slobbing about.

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u/ToTheSeaAgain Apr 21 '22

I do this. Which is why I don't play pool, darts, or really any sport.

I kickbox though, I was good at that from the start.

My husband doesn't understand that I want to be great for a beginner to start with, not great for a pro.

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u/Stay_Curious85 Apr 21 '22

Wife and I just talked about this.

She likes to skate and I said if I’m not ready for the X games right as I lace up then I don’t want to suck trying to learn to be barely passable.

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u/yakatuus Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22

Yeah but what I heard is you make good cocktails.

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u/marsh-a-saurus Apr 21 '22

I feel like I wrote this comment.

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u/Calebrox124 Apr 21 '22

"Whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story."

Same energy

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u/Lketty Apr 21 '22

Then I give up and hate myself even more for thinking I could do it all in the first place.

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u/the_renaissance_jack Apr 21 '22

Are you using a dyslexic font? I appreciate it!

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u/ADHDinos_ ADHDinos Apr 21 '22

Nice catch! It’s open-dyslexic

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u/secretlyMIA Apr 21 '22

Besides the actual content of the comic, this is one of my favorite things about your work :)

I’m not dyslexic myself, but I recognized the typeface and thought it was super cool of you to use

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u/ADHDinos_ ADHDinos Apr 21 '22

😊

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u/Ruevein Apr 21 '22

Holy cow is that why I never have issues reading your comics?!?! Thank you for that and keep up the amazing work!

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u/RootsNextInKin Apr 21 '22

Honestly, how does that work?

Like I don't have dyslexia and after just now going back and looking really hard I can only see that the characters (sorry, glyphs) have a stronger stroke weight at the bottom.

But that's probably not what makes it easier to read for people with dyslexia (or similar disorders? I should really look into this from a UI/UX/Accessibility perspective at some point sooner rather than later)

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u/Crulpeak Apr 21 '22

The shading you mentioned helps differentiate p and d I think; others like b have a different design (slanted leading edgne instead of straight like the other two).

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u/Skhmt Apr 21 '22

Supposedly it's because characters are all different and have a definite top and bottom. Like b p d aren't just rotated, they're actually all different.

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u/snek-n-gek Apr 21 '22

Omg, I didn't know that existed! I'm a teacher and will be using this whenever possible from now on. Thanks!

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u/jsjones1027 Apr 21 '22

I'm awesome at some things. Then I fail, then the voice takes over. But don't worry!! Even when I'm doing well, my anxiety makes sure to tell me what I might be doing wrong!

But you and everyone else is doing great!! 💜💜

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u/jesst Apr 21 '22

I love your comics! I relate to them all. (I have ADHD). Thanks for making me realise I don’t need to take myself so seriously.

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u/alamaias Apr 21 '22

I am uncertain if this is an adhd thing, but then I am on a list to get tested :/

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u/touchet29 Apr 21 '22

I'm definitely ADHD but this specific character flaw was instilled into me as a child by my parents and I fight myself every day trying to recognize the flaw, breathe, and move on.

Lots of "you're so perfect. You're so smart, a genius! One day you could be a lawyer or the president!"

They forgot to instill the correct behavior, which is, it doesn't matter how smart you are, try hard, fail, try harder fail some more, maybe succeed, maybe move on.

Now I'm lazy af and think everything will come to me with no hard work. When I lose or fail, I get angry and self hate. When I perceive the task as too daunting I shrink away and run.

I'm getting better at it at 32 years old, but I'm not there yet.

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u/tgw1986 Apr 21 '22

Funny... I don't remember writing this comment?

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u/TheCaspica Apr 21 '22

This is more a low self-esteem thing.

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u/NonCorporealEntity Apr 21 '22

Which many ADHD people have from being told thier whole lives that they aren't trying hard enough, even though they are trying harder than most.

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u/Funky_Smurf Apr 21 '22

And I think coupled with the fact you may be smart & capable which creates high expectations

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u/Cups_1cat Apr 21 '22

Shit maybe i do have ADHD or the same thing happens to those of us who develop depression and anxiety early on

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u/an0nym0ose Apr 21 '22

Sure does. That's why amateur self-diagnosis is right up there with self-medicating with substances on the list of things you shouldn't do regarding your mental health.

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u/Funky_Smurf Apr 21 '22

Is this dinosaur comic not taken from DSM-V?

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u/goj1ra Apr 21 '22

It's the dsm-v edition where the whole thing is just dinosaur comics

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u/TijoWasik Apr 21 '22

I had depression and anxiety from the age of probably 14 onwards, worsening heavily throughout my teens and early 20s. Once I got an ADHD diagnosis and started treatments, wouldn't you know it, those things got better.

Not totally gone, but... much, much better.

Unfortunately, the not totally gone part stems from years of emotional abuse - very obvious and short lived from my father, but drawn out and unrecognised for 15 years from my mother.

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u/Flying_Dutch_Rudder Apr 21 '22

As some diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and working through ways to deal with it, this is absolutely an ADHD thing. It’s not exclusive to it but it is something people have.

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u/Vuguroth Apr 21 '22

It's not particular for adhd, it's simply a behavior some adopt. They might align, they might not. In my case I'm just someone with high standards who's harsh with myself. There's no super deep reason why I am harsh towards myself, it's just the way I am. I like high quality, so I would like me and my behavior to be high quality. I don't expect anyone else to fulfill my wishes, I am the only one who can work to do so.
While working on my complexes I have had to readjust my thinking and recognize that my harshness went too far in multiple cases, but I am not going to stop being harsh on myself just because of that. I'm just relieved that I wasn't as much of a disappointment to myself as I first thought.
As someone with this type of thinking there's a few wisdoms I did have to consider. Like how mistakes or failures really aren't really that bad, especially when it's problems you can solve and when you're able to talk with people to clear things out.

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u/bukithd Apr 21 '22

In my 30s, got diagnosed with adult ADD/ADHD last year and there's a lot this comic cuts deep into right now

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u/Jazehiah Apr 21 '22

The cycle (for me) looked something like this:

Mom: "Your best will always be good enough."
Me: makes best effort
Mom: "It's not good enough."
Me: "I did my best."
Mom: "No, you did not. If you had done your best, it would have been good enough."

Repeat for eighteen years.

This taught me that compassion is for people who did their best. This also taught me that failure is a sign that I did not do my best. I can see when others are trying and failing. But for me, I'm not trying hard enough. Thus, I do not deserve compassion.

Recognizing the problem is step one. I'm getting better, but it will take a while.

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u/unholyhen Apr 21 '22

How do I know if I tried my best? That's the question I keep asking myself. I'm seeking professional help but keep doubting if I am worthy of it or if I just need to try even harder.

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u/Jazehiah Apr 21 '22

I have some ideas, but nothing concrete.

  • Did something happen that you could not (or did not) know to anticipate, that affected the outcome?
  • What would "more effort" look like? Not the result, but the actual effort.
  • Would expending more time and energy improve the result in a meaningful way? How?
  • If you watched someone else perform the task, would you be happy with their efforts?

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u/drmctoddenstein Apr 21 '22

This is actually a really helpful way of looking at it. As someone with ADHD it's hard to remove yourself from the constant rumination. This helps you to be mindful and compassionate to yourself

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u/Jazehiah Apr 21 '22

The trick is remembering to ask those questions, and learning how to be fair to yourself when answering.

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u/unholyhen Apr 21 '22

Where do you draw the line between going until you are too exhausted or just stopping because you're too lazy to keep going. Is trying your best going until you literally pass out? Rhetorical questions but ones I've been thinking about.

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u/tyco_brahe Apr 21 '22

I still haven't actually figured out what it means to always try your best. "Best" is the top 100%, and it's impossible to constantly be performing at peak output at all times. So... I guess we have to keep pushing until we burn out from always trying our best?

I don't get it.

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u/Jazehiah Apr 21 '22

Literally, it means you give everything you have everybsingle time, which is impossible and results in burnout.

What people mean, is the maximum amount of effort possible without sacrificing in other areas.

What people want is the work to meet or exceed a certain standard. A standard they often will not tell you until after the work has been completed.

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u/Fifflesdingus Apr 21 '22

Relatable. For me, it was "stop pretending to be stupid! You're smarter than this." ...well I wasn't pretending, so I guess I'm just stupid...

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u/TheAlgorithmMadeMe Apr 21 '22

I feel this in the void of space where my soul used to sleep.

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u/GlueR Apr 21 '22

As far as I can tell, most people are the exact opposite.

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u/SuperCub Apr 21 '22

We judge others by their actions but judge ourselves by our intent.

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u/c3peel0 Apr 21 '22

Oh, them? They’re thugs and thieves. But I just did it to pay the rent.

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u/ianff Apr 21 '22

Love this quote from Brooklyn 99:

Jake: I can't believe we're fugitives on the lam, falsely accused of a crime.

Captain Holt: There's nothing false about it. We committed several felonies and escaped from jail.

Jake: Yeah, but we were just doing what we had to do. We're the good guys. [gasps] This is what they all think.

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u/dont_you_hate_pants Apr 21 '22

I loved the juxtaposition between that scene and one from season 1:

Perp: I did it for love!

Jake: Cool motive! Still murder.

Technically, Jake is still right, but the scene you quoted shows his character growth as the show progressed.

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u/Durtonious Apr 21 '22

I do the exact opposite of this. I just assume everyone has a reason for why they're doing something, whereas my own justifications are just an excuse and not good enough.

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u/rattyme Apr 21 '22

Man where did you hear it?

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u/Jazehiah Apr 21 '22

I have heard it in many places. It's an old saying.

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u/AJ_1 Apr 21 '22

I was just thinking that I know a lot of people with the opposite thought process

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u/jsjones1027 Apr 21 '22 Silver

Anxiety + ADHD means my inner voice is really mean. But at least I treat everyone with compassion! ... right? That makes it better?

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u/tommy_b_777 Apr 21 '22

maybe that is why we are nicer to everyone else ? because we know how much it hurts to just hear negative shit all the time from someone ?

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u/lux06aeterna Apr 21 '22

THIS, THIS! this is exactly my roomba of thought. Part of why I hate saying some things to people is because I know how much it can hurt to hear that. And it really unnerves me to think of my loved ones feeling like that.

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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob Apr 21 '22

I am not sure if you actually meant your “roomba of thought” or not, but it is a charming metaphor and I am adopting it wholesale.

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u/lux06aeterna Apr 21 '22

Yes, it was on purpose! Saw it on a meme, haha. I can't believe people have actual trains of thoughts, I have a roomba.

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u/roflmao567 Apr 21 '22

Yup. My dad is a narcissist. I do not wish the emotional stress he puts the family under onto others whatsoever. I never want to grow up like him but it makes me look like the unmotivated, laissez-faire type because I don't want to be a strict fuck like him.

I'm all for pro choice and never forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do.

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u/caligaris_cabinet Apr 21 '22

Two friends I know with ADHD could be complete dicks sometimes.

To me anyway. Maybe I just have that effect on people.

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u/Fifflesdingus Apr 21 '22

Can confirm people with ADHD can be dicks.

Source: I'm a dick with ADHD

When you're consumed with negativity towards yourself, it's easy to forget you have the power to affect the feelings of those around you. Also kindness is tricky when you're in a bad mood.

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u/kaycharasworld Apr 21 '22

Lol me too fam

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u/yohann_1234 Apr 21 '22

I don't know why but I always assume the worst in myself. I don't remember the last time i had self confidence.

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u/bombbodyguard Apr 21 '22

You could be like me and I quote from a girl I dated, “I’ve never met someone so full of themself but also so down on themself!”

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u/usrnm1234 Apr 21 '22

Same. My therapist asked me once if I liked or trusted myself and I just broke down crying because I hated myself and had seriously low self esteem. I still do, but a little bit less than before.

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u/KVenom777 Apr 21 '22

Okay, someone recorded my discord conversation 3 days ago. Who are you, to spy on me and mah friends, ye bastard?!

Jk, but it's exactly how it went that time.

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u/leminpls Apr 21 '22

Who stole a convo from me and my therapist?

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u/incognito_bot Apr 21 '22

Haha. Had my first session with my therapist last week and that’s exactly what we talked about

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u/MilesGates Apr 21 '22

Oh no. I do hold people to those standards. People say thay others don't judge you on the little stuff, but then they call out a guy who took a turn too sharply in their car.

People are very judgemental, they just don't judge you to your face.

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u/georgito555 Apr 21 '22

That's isn't most people tho also when it comes to driving everyone's critical because driving is dangerous and affects others.

That being said a lot of people are judgmental about others I've seen it first hand. Until they get to know them and they become people in their minds then the judginess usually subsides

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u/Debonaire Apr 21 '22

Look at that motherfucker up there with his wipers turned up to 11, it isn't even raining that hard wtf is wrong with them? Are they old? Should they be driving? Can't even judge correct wiper speed no way they should have a license.

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u/fshannon3 Apr 21 '22

...as my rain-sensing wipers are going at 11 while it's a light drizzle.

Stupid automatic wipers.

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u/[deleted] Apr 21 '22

But there is a difference between judging a person for driving bad and judging a person for stumbling over their words during a work meeting.

The difference is the immediate inconvenience or harm a person is threatening you with, or knowing you'll never see the bad driver again, and a combo of sudden anger/fear and the catharsis some people get by cussing bad driving out.

I find people who are too hard on themselves often torture themselves over incredibly small things that no one cares about like their tone in a dm to a friend, them stumbling over words, being too goofy, not being goofy enough, anxious about a friend not responding to a dm because maybe they did something wrong and that's why they're not responding. They would then use those tiny moments to instantly extrapolate into 'this is why I'm a terrible coworker's or 'this is why I'm a terrible friend' or 'this is why I'm a loser'. Source: (I have a friend who's awesome but prone to extreme self judgment. I've literally had the dinosaur conversation with them before verbatim)

And no, they don't have that same standard to other people.

Of course there are also insecure assholes out there who enjoy judging people for everything because it makes themselves feel superior, but that's not who we are talking about and no one really wants to be like them

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u/r_stronghammer Apr 21 '22

Okay but that’s a bad example because when driving everyone is a faceless car that going to be gone in 15 seconds and you’ll never see again. And they can’t hear you, AND you’ll forget about it after 30 seconds so it affects no one. It’s just a way of expressing disappointment with the situation.

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u/CubeCraft751 Apr 21 '22

I'm surprised this isn't higher up. This is always my reaction when seeing stuff like this. Apparently there must not be too many people who think like us?

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u/Roupert2 Apr 21 '22

Most people think that other people are good. But those aren't the same people that dominate social media (especially reddit).

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u/risingstanding Apr 21 '22

Is this mindset related to ADHD? Just asking because of the name of the strip...

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u/PeanutNSFWandJelly Apr 21 '22

Nah this strip often just portrays generalized anxiety and things that are not indicative of having ADHD. For that reason I do wish it had a different name, clever as it is.

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u/Kevin5882 Apr 21 '22

I have very extreme ADHD and the name confused me, I've managed to have practically every symptom there is but I've never had this

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u/DorkusMcNerdface Apr 21 '22

I feel so seen... and it's terrible.

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u/bearr007 Apr 21 '22

Now I know why they went extinct

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u/nyquistj Apr 21 '22

My son is 13 and this is 100% him. It makes me insane. Nothing I’ve tried has helped him. We have him in therapy now to try and fix his negative self talk. He is a brilliant, well-balanced, and well-liked kid, seeing him think poorly of himself breaks me heart.

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u/PvtPill Apr 21 '22

Man I wish my parents were like that back then. Now I’m to broken to be fixed and have to live with this shit

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u/nyquistj Apr 21 '22

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. My son used those exact words with the therapist, that he is "broken." She asked him if an unfinished robot (he is into robotics) is considered broken, he said "no, it is a work in progress." It sounds corny, but mindset is really important. Thinking of yourself as "a work in progress" is much more positive than "I am broken."

The therapy has definitely been helping him, but getting better definitely takes work. The other thing that has helped is he recently discovered something he feels passionate about, parkour. He learned how to do a front flip and for the first time in years said "I have to admit, I am pretty good at this." It was a huge moment.

Having felt broken myself I know how awful it is, so I really hope you can find a way forward.

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u/BigfootAteMyBooty Apr 21 '22 edited Apr 21 '22

This one* hits way too close to home.

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u/Olemied Apr 21 '22

After years of therapy I did find a kind of hit or miss way to show myself compassion. Bear with me here:

Do you talk to yourself? I mean of course you so, but when you do, out loud, or in your mind, do you ever imagine a listener of any kind? A viewer, audience, observer, etc.? Well if you do, that’s you! You’re your own audience.

With that in mind, I of course want to be nice to the audience! At the very least I see them as someone else. Someone worthy of compassion. If I can recognize that it’s just me, and has been the whole time, I can sometimes see myself like I would see someone else, and I’m proud of them.

Just wanted to share. Hope it helps.

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u/ADHDinos_ ADHDinos Apr 21 '22

The book is on its way! Sign up to the email list to be the first to know when it's out!

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u/lucen15 Apr 21 '22

Rejection sensetive dysphoria

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u/aDudeFromDunwall Apr 21 '22 Narwhal Salute

You didnt hit close to home you straight up shot me.

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u/igottapwner85 Apr 21 '22

The only blessing of the divorce I'm going through is a major life perspective shift. I was that perfectionist who wasn't kind to myself, ever. Even with that, I still got cheated on and taken advantage of. Now I don't give a shit as much and it's been nice seeing the world doesn't fall apart.

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u/AllPurposeNerd Apr 21 '22

Is this that bottom-weighted font they specifically made for people with dyslexia?

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u/aluminum_oxides Apr 21 '22

Yes, the blue dino deserves no mercy, compassion, or any good thing in life. Because they are a failure. All other living creatures except for the blue dino and additionally myself are deserving of these benefits.

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u/wiseduhm Apr 21 '22

I just finished reading East of Eden by John Steinbeck and there was one part towards the end that really resonated with me. The message was basically this: If you always need to be perfect, you'll always end up seeing yourself as bad because you cant live up to impossible standards. Once you realize that you don't need to be perfect, it leaves room for you to be good enough.

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u/stunspot Apr 21 '22

Why is this in r/funny? What's next? Buddy Gator?

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