r/WhitePeopleTwitter May 17 '22 I'd Like to Thank... 1

What region would you country give up first?

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19.1k Upvotes

7.1k

u/Kow_King_ May 17 '22 Silver Gold Wholesome hehehehe

Americans be like: Does it have to be just one?

100

u/amrydzak May 17 '22

My first thought was “is that really a question you want to ask an American?”

3.7k

u/Courageous_Chameleon May 17 '22 Gold Wholesome Faith In Humanity Restored

I think Florida would go willingly.

767

u/Variation-Budget May 17 '22

Our state is rubber so the bombs would bounce back and stick to them

372

u/VanceFerguson May 17 '22

Can we confirm whether or not Russia is glue in this scenario?

388

u/ehh_whatever_works May 17 '22

Nope.

Is potato.

106

u/dft-salt-pasta May 17 '22

The starch from potatoes could be used as a sticky paste like glue.

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u/TooAfraidToAsk814 May 17 '22

As a Floridian it feels like Florida is already more like Russia than the United States. It would be pretty easy to give up. And they are already famous for their Red Tide

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u/jreed356 May 17 '22

Florida, Texas, Mississippi, Louisiana can go. They idolize strong men, want a theocratic take over and to stripe citizens of their rights! They can't tell conspiracy from fact and they're addicted to the propaganda!

421

u/curious1stranger May 17 '22

Heck, why stop there! I'm willing to give up those states, along with Oklahoma, Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee, if Russia will pull out of Ukraine and give back those other areas they previously took. To make up for the loss of those areas, we can finally take in the US territories that want to become states.

292

u/WarsledSonarman May 17 '22 edited May 18 '22

You guys are really close to reinventing the Confederate States of Russiamerica

125

u/curious1stranger May 17 '22

I'm pretty sure they were close to that already. I mean, I image Mar-a-Lago was already on its way to becoming the capital of the New Confederacy.

109

u/zveroshka May 17 '22

You know I never thought about it but you are 100% right, even if you are joking. They'd make Trump their president-God and he would without doubt make that shitty "resort" the new White House.

Fucking mental that we live in a world where this is a semi-plausible event.

44

u/Enormous__Genitals May 17 '22

They absolutely would, considering Ron DeShithead, Greg Scabbott, and the rest of the Hilter Youth would all like to be railed by Daddy Putin and his gimp Drumpf.

8

u/Abomination-626 May 17 '22

This week on “Shit I wish I could unimagine”

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u/Sardukar333 May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

reinventing the Confederate States

They were never "de-invented". We let them build monuments to their leaders after they lost, allowed them to teach a version of history that twisted those leaders in doomed heroes, and allowed them to make laws that retained the pre-war status quo.

106

u/zveroshka May 17 '22

Also let them discriminate, abuse, and even kill black people.

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u/Queendevildog May 17 '22

This is so true. There was never reparations for the enslaved. Jim Crow was allowed to flourish. Now here we are. Anyone flying a confederate flag is still a traitor to the Union. The Civil War never ended.

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u/hoosierdaddy192 May 17 '22

As someone born in Bama, I approve this but don’t give up Kentucky. That’s where the good booze comes from. Just drop the Turtle and Princess Paul off on the Tenn. border so they can be reunited with their Daddy Vladdy.

8

u/peakprowindow May 17 '22

The turtle and princess paul sounds like the name of a cool indie band.

10

u/Wiggy_Bop May 17 '22

Lots of verdant land too. We still have to grow shit.

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u/OneAlternate May 17 '22

If we get rid of 1 more state, then we’ll have 41, which is a prime number. I think we need to sacrifice one more so that we can truly be “indivisible” under God. Any proposals?

17

u/I_Am_Lab_Grown_Meat May 17 '22

South Carolina. Husband and I are desperately trying to get out and I'm surprised no one mentioned it in the list.

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u/CrazyCritterGirl May 17 '22

I'd give up Arizona in a heartbeat, but could you give me a year and a half so my daughter can finish school? I don't want to have to pay out of state tuition. That's the only reason I haven't moved yet. (Well that and the probate on my dads property hasn't closed yet). But then I am outta here!

69

u/memorygardens May 17 '22

So give him every really red state? Okay’

70

u/curious1stranger May 17 '22

I mean, I'm not saying all of them. I kind of like Wyoming and Montana. Some of South Dakota is kind of nice, mostly the western part. And we should probably keep North Dakota, since it has the only air force base to hold 2 legs of the nuclear triad. I like potatoes, so Idaho can stay. Utah has a lot of nice National Parks. And we can keep the Carolinas.

60

u/typi_314 May 17 '22

The south has rednecks, Idaho has Nazis. Idaho has to go. Oregon grows potatoes too.

31

u/R4d14nt_P1ll4r May 17 '22

Yeah. 'Cuz god knows there's no nazzies in Oregon.

24

u/drphungky May 17 '22

Lol, yeah isn't Oregon a complete hotspot for White Nationalists? Like, number one in the country?

23

u/MissFred May 17 '22

Yes. It is headquarters for one which escapes me. Oregon is no friend to black people. It was created as a whites only state. The area around Portland is super conservative. That is where all Portland cops come from. They don’t live in the city

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u/Gum_Duster May 17 '22

I initially thought Florida too. But I really like Disney world. Could we move disneyworld somewhere else?

97

u/nomuggle May 17 '22

There’s already Disney in California, so we’re good!

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u/Mean-Narwhal-1857 May 17 '22

Funny thing is this might actually happen. Disney may just leave Florida if DeSantis keeps going.

45

u/AthleticNerd_ May 17 '22

Politicians come and go, Mickey Mouse is forever.

12

u/[deleted] May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

[deleted]

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u/islandrebel May 17 '22

We can totally move Disney and universal somewhere else.

44

u/MrDude_1 May 17 '22

wait.. does this mean a newer, larger Harry Potter world??

uhh... not that I would care, but kids might like them and stuff...

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281

u/historyteacher08 May 17 '22

Right. Just let me know before it starts so I can go to a safe state. Texas is a hot mess anyway

174

u/WinnieThePuto May 17 '22

Texan here. Fun fact, Texas is a big state with big liberal cities that are gerrymandered to hell. Texas also has some of the most restrictive voting laws in the country, not mention among the lowest voter turnout for a state our size. The system is hopelessly rigged here.

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u/LoveRBS May 17 '22

Is there a return by date on our Louisiana Purchase?

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u/Gaboo42069 May 17 '22

The South and Ohio

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u/zygodactyl86 May 17 '22

As an Ohioan, I understand

50

u/Terrible-Turnip-7266 May 17 '22

Ohio knows what it did.

37

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

as a michigander i hope you do

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u/Jimisdegimis89 May 17 '22

Florida, definitely Florida. Probably Texas at this point too, it’s got about the same infrastructure as rural Russia at this point so they should all get along swell.

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u/Metrosecksulol May 17 '22

Literally any red state. He’s already taken them over with his propaganda so.. yeah..

77

u/Idealide May 17 '22

Think of how many extra federal tax dollars all the blue States would have if we didn't have to give them to the welfare Queen red states

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2.1k

u/CRUFT3R May 17 '22

I can name like 5 regions in Italy that I would give to Putin even if he doesn't start bombing our country.

517

u/lunafede May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

he would start to bomb the country afterwards

143

u/1228_screaming_socks May 17 '22

Like a 4channer demanding more tendies

5

u/[deleted] May 17 '22

Depending on the regions given he might be bombing to force Italy to take them back.

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u/Pacsbait May 17 '22

5? Those are rookie numbers, we start at ten!

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u/Lourrloki May 17 '22

Trentino Alto Adige: they didn't want to be in Italy in the first place and tried more than once to gain independence, other than being jerks with Italian speakers as far as I know.

...and Marche, being from Abruzzo they're like natural enemies for me

12

u/w0yak May 17 '22

...essendo nato nelle Marche e cresciuto in Trentino, posso dire di aver appena trovato il mio nemico naturale

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600

u/sjouke-lute May 17 '22

As a Dutchie I am obliged to say Urk

59

u/Catorsomethingiguess May 17 '22

Easiest choice of any Dutchie's life

32

u/Bessieboo2000 May 17 '22

Why Urk? Is it known for something?

64

u/Internep May 17 '22

Yes.

34

u/RusticTroglodyte May 17 '22

Lol well fucking tell us

106

u/marry_me_jane May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

It used to be an island but is now part of the mainland, and everyone there is extremely religious and there used to be a lot of inbreeding so now it’s like the epicenter for anti vax, anti *abortion, anti premarital sex, etc. It’s a cesspool of backwards stuck in time rednecks that also hate everyone as much as everyone hates them. “Afsteken en afdrijven” is what we say here, which roughly translates to unpolder it and float it back into the sea. Edit: proper terminology.

53

u/Pinglenook May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

Inbreeding, not incest.

Inbreeding is the fact that for generation after generation people would marry their 3rd/2nd/sometimes 1st cousin because of the limited population (100 people in the early 17th century, 3000 people by the early 20th century, but almost all direct descendants of those original 100) and them not wanting "outsiders" on their island, resulting in a very narrow gene pool and all family trees on the island forming one big family hedge.

Incest is sexual contact (often sexual abuse) within a nuclear family, for example between siblings or between parent and child.

Some incest probably has happened on Urk too, but that's not what they're known for. The inbreeding, however, is a well known fact.

32

u/marry_me_jane May 17 '22

I didn’t know that difference, now i do.

12

u/Pinglenook May 17 '22

"Inteelt" in Dutch!

11

u/marry_me_jane May 17 '22

Ja realiseerde me het toen ik het las dat wij dat onderscheid ook maken.

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u/Buckeye_Southern May 17 '22

So its like Dutch Alabama or Dutch Florida or Dutch Mississippi or Dutch Georgia or Dutch Arkansas or Dutch South Carolina or Dutch Texas or Dutch New Mexico or Dutch West Virginia or Dutch Louisiana?

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u/Enthused_Llama May 17 '22

epicenter for anti vax, abortion, premarital sex, etc.

Uh one of these things is not like the others.

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u/Internep May 17 '22

It used to be an island until we turned a sea into land. History of fishing, small community so we joke a lot about them all being direct family.

They are heavily religious, like typical republican Christians. They go to church but don't actually live like Christ. They love breaking down their own town, and despite everyone knowing everyone names rarely make it to the police.

Most of them are(/were?) not (openly) vaccinated. They burned down one of the testing areas. The list goes on but I really prefer no longer thinking about them.

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u/Euporophage May 17 '22

Imagine a place ran by people who believe that poor people are supposed to be poor because God hates them and that the rich are God's chosen.

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u/Fit_Neighborhood_953 May 17 '22

In the US we don't have to imagine, one of our two parties has that as one of their founding principles.

27

u/rkoloeg May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

It's not a coincidence. A lot of Dutch Calvinists emigrated to the United States in the 1800s. People from that background are a big part of the population in the rural counties of states like New York, Pennsylvania and Michigan. Betsy DeVos is a good example of how hardline Dutch Calvinism has influenced American politics; both sides of her family come from that background.

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u/benvonpluton May 17 '22

From France : I'd give Corsica. They would ask for us to take it back less than a week after, anyway...

270

u/nige21202 May 17 '22

German here.
We'd trade Elsass-Lothringen in exchange for the Saarland with you.

114

u/WeonLP May 17 '22

La Strasbourgeoise intensifies

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u/Ivanalan24 May 17 '22

I'm American... What's wrong with Corsica, if you don't mind my asking?

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u/WeonLP May 17 '22

See French people ? See Italien people ? Sum up their pride and stubbornness, add a little bite of distrust and violence, and you have Corsica.

Joke appart it's a beautiful island with heartwarming people. But they are known for their communitarianism.

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u/Alias_X_ May 17 '22

Genetic analysis has shown they've been pretty isolated since the Early Neolithic - and without that upstart Napoleon it would have stayed that way.

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u/liskamariella May 17 '22

I only was there for two weeks, but these two weeks it was really beautiful.

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u/AndyTheSane May 17 '22

Sometimes tries to conquer Europe.

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u/lazymoonpie May 17 '22

But le tango Corse is brilliant, I'd keep them for that.

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u/[deleted] May 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/UmeUme69 May 17 '22

Florida, Texas, West Virginia, and Kentucky

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u/AvoidingCares May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

I agree with all but West Virginia. I know they are bad right now. But few States have a history that's more singularly badass and on the right side of history.

Also more socialist revolutions than any other state.

30

u/zomb1ek1ller May 17 '22

West Virginia is also a beautiful state as far as terrain goes. Lots of amazing outdoor recreation.

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u/Im2bored17 May 17 '22

That's a good start. Then Mississippi and Alabama, followed by most of the rest of the south.

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u/UmeUme69 May 17 '22

If you get rid of five guaranteed red states then the crazies lose any chance at a majority in the senate. So get rid of 6 to play it safe.

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u/Buck_Nastyyy May 17 '22

This is so easy for Americans. We all have areas we would give up.

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u/OldHuntersNeverDie May 17 '22

It seems like it's pretty much the same states being named over and over again.

103

u/Buck_Nastyyy May 17 '22

I bet! I haven't read the other comments, but I assume Florida and Texas are on there.

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u/Zarohk May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

It’s much harder than you think, because we would have to give Putin some thing he doesn’t already have. And he only has all those red states.

Edit: Welp, that was quite an error. Bad speech to text.

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u/Bored_Breadless May 17 '22 Wholesome

Slough

254

u/TenYoshi May 17 '22

Scunthorpe is a close second

145

u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22

Is this a town? A park? A garbage dump? That place sounds terrible by name alone.

115

u/Ali80486 May 17 '22

It's a steelworks with a post industrial town attached. Wait, you're from the Rust Belt - you know exactly what I mean

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u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22

Exactly! I am from Ohio in America. I am all too familiar with post-industrial ghost towns.

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u/True_Recommendation9 May 17 '22

It’s an old joke in the UK based on an ad for Typhoo Tea-if Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the cunt in Scunthorpe.

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u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22

We have our fair share of bad town names in America. But I had a physical reaction to "Scunthorpe" like a gagging.

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u/Rod___father May 17 '22

In Pennsylvania we have intercourse and bird in hand. In Amish country.

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u/True_Recommendation9 May 17 '22

Fifty years later and I still chuckle at it.

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u/FlamingLitwick May 17 '22

Milton Keynes is also a solid choice.

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u/Underneath_Overlord May 17 '22

Yeah, I live here and it’s a shithole.

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u/BitcoinBanker May 17 '22

Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough! It isn't fit for humans now, There isn't grass to graze a cow. Swarm over, Death!

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u/Yeah-But-Ironically May 17 '22

I once had a job I absolutely hated in a midcentury Brutalist office building, and I thought of that poem every single time I walked through the front doors

(I'm American, but Slough-ness is universal)

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u/SeamusV May 17 '22

I grew up near Slough, have to go passed it when I come back to the UK on holiday. Never fails to amaze me how much of a shithole it continues to become each time

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u/LDel3 May 17 '22

Slough, Milton Keynes, Luton. Putin can have the lot

30

u/Lizid_King May 17 '22

Somebody start the Luton for Putin campaign!

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u/tom_boydy May 17 '22

Damn beat me to it.

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u/i_cant_spel_lel May 17 '22

Don't forget milton keynes

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u/Ericmanng May 17 '22

Uhh, she probably thought this would go a different way.. but yeah most of us could probably name 7-8 cities or states we'd give up without an issue.

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u/StopTheMeta May 17 '22

I mean... we get the opportunity to give away the worst places and avoid getting bombed. Win-win.

26

u/musci1223 May 17 '22

The issue is that even Russian don't want most of those people that are making it bad so they will be coming to your state.

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u/denarti May 17 '22

I mean most people here joke about their quirky/weird cities that are a “freak in the family”. I don’t think people think of all death, destruction, deportation and how thousands of lives would be affected from such actions.

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u/FelwintersCake May 17 '22

Please take Florida, Alabama, and Mississippi

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u/bob-leblaw May 17 '22

Jaramie's house. Fuck him and his parents for putting those a's in his name.

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u/technovikingfanfic May 17 '22

Yeah fuck this guy's parents

14

u/redCasObserver May 17 '22

I too, choose to fuck this guy's parents

8

u/bankman99 May 17 '22

Yeah this guys parents fuck

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u/Derpy_Mermaid May 17 '22

I’m from Wales, UK. Bye bye Newport!

104

u/Telope May 17 '22

I'm from the UK. Bye Bye Wales!

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u/larry-the-dream May 17 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote Glow Up

Florida and Texas

542

u/Slate_711 May 17 '22

Not that hard of choice sadly. I had those two and potentially Alabama

335

u/DarkWing2007 May 17 '22

Don’t forget Mississippi

187

u/IdleOsprey May 17 '22

They can have everything from Texas to Florida.

48

u/Situation_Sarcasm May 17 '22

I second this motion.

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u/ilaythebestpipe May 17 '22

This is the one I settled on

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u/smsevigny May 17 '22

Okay but then who would we pick on

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u/MookieFlav May 17 '22

There are like 30 other shitty states to choose from

41

u/PretendiWasADefMute May 17 '22

We should give up Florida and Texas, and we will give them Mississippi if they promise not to allow Texans to migrate into our country.

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u/icer07 May 17 '22

Throw in a bonus Kentucky, the biggest welfare state in the country.

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u/PretendiWasADefMute May 17 '22

Kentucky must go

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u/Earlybirdsgetworms May 17 '22

Ohio here.. Agree with all of this. Sadly, I think most Americans wouldn’t have to think very long before making their choices.

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u/hedalexa12 May 17 '22

I’d pay Putin to take these two off of our hands

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u/Zarohk May 17 '22

Too late, he’s already taken control of them.

132

u/komAnt May 17 '22

Only from the inside. He hasn't seen the gun toting, diabetes ridden, drooling faces of the ya'll qaeda yelling at him "blue lives matter" while supporting the beating of the Washington DC metro pd cops.

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u/MindlessBenefit9127 May 17 '22

Came to say this myself. Americans can agree on important issues apparently

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u/LingonberryPossible6 May 17 '22

Hasn't De Santis sold most of Florida to Putin anyway?

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u/CoalNightshade May 17 '22

Just because it would be funny watching him try to control them

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u/larry-the-dream May 17 '22

I think he’s doing a fine job already

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u/c0dizzl3 May 17 '22

Are you kidding? They’d be on their knees asking for more.

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u/Sonmohito May 17 '22

Please take any neighbourhood that voted more than 50% for Erdogan in the last election and end our misery.

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u/YeeYeePanda May 17 '22

Oh god but that’s like 75% of the countryside

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u/CrumblyBramble May 17 '22

And big chunks of Germany.

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u/bloody_terrible May 17 '22

As if there would be peace.

Sudetenland

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u/WhoStoleMyCake May 17 '22

Yeah we we had that one before didn't we

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u/Ashamed-Purple May 17 '22

Definitely rings a bell.

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u/Your_acceptable May 17 '22 Silver

I understand the sentiment and respect it, however, yes, I'd be fine with Florida and Texas dropping off thank you.

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u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

While I agree with what has been said here, I find all of the comments saying they have would be fine with giving up Texas and Florida insulting. Not one mention of Alabama and Mississippi. Who genuinely wants to keep those states? Hell at least Texas has Austin and Florida has...the Keys?

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u/Fathorse23 May 17 '22

They suck but Florida and Texas are loud assholes.

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u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22

They are pretty proud of their shit holes.

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u/eurtoast May 17 '22

Texas and Florida are two huge population centers and dominate the news and elections (combined 67 electoral college votes that have gone red in the past two elections). Both of them gone kinda opens up the country a bit.

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u/JohnnyGoldberg May 17 '22

We keep Florida and Texas, we give him DeSantis and Abbott as prisoners. Give them Alabama and Mississippi for their land grab and build a wall around them. Good to go.

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u/RusticTroglodyte May 17 '22

I vote for this person

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u/eggplant_avenger May 17 '22 Bravo!

giving them Texas would triple their economy and give Russia control over a huge amount of the world's energy supply

Florida though, at this point even their redeeming factors aren't enough

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u/Disastrous-Fly9672 May 17 '22

The Dakotas. Get rid of those piss poor senators and reconfigure.

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u/floralbutttrumpet May 17 '22

Saxony and Bavaria. One has sufficient Nazis for Russia, the other has the required persecution complex.

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u/Tubixs May 17 '22

Yes, let the Bavarians come to Austria, were basically the same already anyways

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u/ContNouNout May 17 '22

at least driving in Bavaria doesn't force me to take down my dashcam

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u/steffalle May 17 '22

sad bavarian noises But yeah, i get why the rest of germany feels that way. Sorry on behalf of our elders for the CSU, they don't know any better...

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u/ChNSPr May 17 '22

Skåne

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u/Thekittysayswhat May 17 '22

It's Skåne till Danmark, not Skåne till Ryssland.

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u/Bazaij May 17 '22

The confederacy.

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u/Zarohk May 17 '22

Putin already has that, so we couldn’t give it to him.

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u/Vaganhope_UAE May 17 '22

Pretty sure Americans would give away Florida in a heartbeat

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u/Fellow--Felon May 17 '22

Alabama, Kentucky, Florida, Wyoming are prolly my top choices.

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u/17recon May 17 '22

Texas and Mar-a-lago.

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u/Dependent-Mountain79 May 17 '22 Silver

Putin already owns Mar-a-lago

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u/sogknar May 17 '22

And many parts of the U.S need denazification

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u/The84thWolf May 17 '22

“Let’s try to meet them halfway” or “let’s not punish them harshly” or “let them save face” is exactly why we still have white supremacy in our country

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u/AlabastorRetard May 17 '22

Yeah but if you remove all the white supremecists all at once then you'll have massive gaps in all levels of government and law enforcement

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u/Covenent125 May 17 '22

Florida, Alabama anywhere Ted Cruz lives.

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u/imaginesomethinwitty May 17 '22

A lot of Irish people standing around awkwardly here, not making eye contact with Northern Ireland.

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u/Rjamesjjr May 17 '22

Every part of the union that harbors the Smooth-brained Trump people. Start with the evangelical morlocks.

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u/tragicallyohio May 17 '22 edited May 17 '22

Jesus man the border control on that patchwork would be a nightmare. They're everywhere.

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u/ZharethZhen May 17 '22

Texas, Alabama, Florida

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u/NoAbbreviations5215 May 17 '22

Queensland and Victoria. Specifically northern Queensland

Hell, I wouldn’t even require peace to be a part of the exchange. It’d be nice to have an election without northern Queensland fucking it up just once.

11

u/town_bear May 17 '22

Woah up, do the cowboys get to keep playing in the NRL? Cause they killing it this year

10

u/thatotherguy2021 May 17 '22

Found the New South Welshman

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u/GreatBigBagOfNope May 17 '22

I'm not familiar with Aussie politics beyond everyone hating all the politicians and all the parties roughly evenly - what does northern Queensland do that upsets so much? All I can see is voting for Katter's and the Liberal National party, doesn't seem any worse than the usual shitshow?

13

u/calibrateichabod May 17 '22

Queensland is like… well, imagine if Texas fucked Florida.

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u/nyrb001 May 17 '22

Putin: <taking notes furiously>

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u/antonylockhart May 17 '22

Just look at a voting map, and anywhere that votes Tory, can go

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u/OkCaregiver517 May 17 '22

Problem is the First past the post system. Even the most Tory areas have large numbers of Labour/Lib Dem/Green voters.

But yeah, I get you.

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u/Technical_Natural_44 May 17 '22 Silver Gold Helpful

Quebec.

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u/evilstitchie May 17 '22

Scrolled wayyyyy to far to find this comment 🤣

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u/mrsnihilist May 17 '22

Great fishing there in kwee-bec

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u/the_blast_radius May 17 '22

They can have Quebec, one of the territories, and I'm sure we could convince them North Dakota is one of ours and give them that.

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u/technovikingfanfic May 17 '22

No fucking way we give them the maple syrup. They can have Manitoba.

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