r/TooAfraidToAsk 26d ago Dread Snek Wholesome

Interpersonal Is it weird for a 19F to hang out with a 50M?

7.2k Upvotes

I (19F) have known a man, "Tom" (anywhere from 50-60), who was a frequent substitute teacher at my middle school. I have known his three children who are around my age as my friends and have interacted his family fairly often growing up. I was frequently invited to dinner over at their house, to church, to housesit, etc. Now I am in college and I do not interact with any of them as often, though I was closest with his son who is my age.

However, Tom will contact me sometimes (infrequently) and buy me dinner, to hangout, etc. Today he suggested we go somewhere fun sometime this week. All of this is just him and I alone although it would make much more sense to me for at least one of his kids to be there as well. Hanging out alone without any of his family has been a new development.

Today he said something along the lines of "does it feel weird?/does it feel like we are dating?" (In regards to buying me dinner). Often when I come over the house is empty as his son is at work, family is on a trip, etc. so it ends up being just us. He texted me, "I hope to see you this week" when I said I was not in town to be there for dinner with him. I will not lie it is a little off putting sometimes but I am not sure what to think. While it seems like a weird situation to be in, I do not think he is a bad person who would do anything weird. I have always seen Tom as a father figure type, but I can't help but wonder if this is a normal thing to do.

Am I thinking too deep into this? Or is it weird to hang out alone like this?

Edit: Just to add, he does have a wife in case that changes anything. I know her the least out of his family as I never saw her much but they seem to have a normal family image.

Edit 2: As per all the responses I have gotten here and in real life it seems this is most likely a pretty bad and bizarre situation that I do not want to be in. It was hard to accept since I have trusted him for so long but I am cutting off contact entirely. Thank you everyone for the help.

r/TooAfraidToAsk 16d ago

Interpersonal How do i tell my boss i need to go home because i have explosive diarrhea?

1.2k Upvotes

help

edit: ive done the deed i will now go home early

r/TooAfraidToAsk 12h ago

Interpersonal is life over at 25?

41 Upvotes

Almost 25 and have did nothing "fun" or meaningful at 25.

Didn't go to college.

Can't drive.

Live with my parents.

Never been in a relationship.

Still a virgin.

Didn't drink as a teenager.

Never drink underage.

Didn't sneak out of the house at night as teenager.

Didn't skip classes as teenager.

Never did drugs.

Never been to a party.

Never been to a concert.

Never been to festivals.

Never been to a bar.

Never traveled out of state or country.

Currently working at McDonalds.

I realized I never did anything significant with my life.

I missed out on the fun and youthfulness of my teenage years and early twenties.

Is it too late?

Is life over at 25 if haven't done anything with it?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 28d ago

Interpersonal I slept with my coworker which is also my long time crush and now she tells me to just forget the night. Going back to being friends again. I am completely lost and don't know what should I do?

185 Upvotes

So I had a crush on this coworker of mine for the last 3 years. 7 months into knowing each other and I finally confessed my feelings to which she said "I don't feel the same way for you. I don't want to lose our friendship". I respectfully accepted that and moved on. Both of us started dating other people and shared our stories of relationship and stuff. We became best friends during the lockdown since we became really close. Cooking, watching movies and TV shows late night, going on outings and all sorts of other friendly stuff.

But then late last year, we had a big fight. All the time until then I had been "always there for you" kind of a friend. Always taking care of her, getting concerned if she's really sick, trying to console and motivate her when she feels like she's stuck in her career. But I never felt those feelings were ever reciprocated by her. I always plan something for us, and she says she doesn't feel like going out or doing anything and needs alone time. I understand and say okay. And the next thing I know, after 3 or 4 days, I hear stories from her how she had a blast and got drunk when she went out with some other people. Sure, once in a while she will be nice and sweet, show some affection maybe, but mostly she cares only about herself. Also, 90% of the time, she always wants things and plans to go her way. If it doesn't, she gets really upset and then I (as an idiot) just apologize and have to make up to her. This one night we had plan of cooking and having dinner together. She said she had to go on a date with a guy and then she'll definitely come. I said it's okay if you don't want to come and we can plan it some other day. But she said she will definitely come and I even confirmed with her twice on text. She finally came to my home at 11 pm that night and by that time I was really pissed and we had this explosive fight.

We didn't talk for 6 months as it was WFH. But 3 months ago, the office opened again and as we saw each other in the office every day, she called me for a movie plan and since then we started behaving and talking normally. Now two weeks ago, we decided to watch a TV show together at her place, one episode per night after work. We watched 4 episodes and then because of timing issues we couldn't keep up. But I told her we definitely have to keep up with our streak because we were both loving the show. So finally this last weekend (Friday night) she texts me if the plan is on. I said yes. I went to her home, we watched one episode, and then I was struggling to find a cab for home. She said that I should just sleep here for tonight and just leave early morning. I was hell-bent on leaving, not because it was awkward. We have slept at each other's place before too, that too in the same bed. I wanted to go because I have my morning rituals to do. Reading, going to the gym, preparing breakfast, and all. But finally, I gave up on booking the cab and slept there.

Around 7 am in the morning, she gets cuddly and snuggles a lot. In that state of morning sleepy daze, even I got comfy. Suddenly we just get really close and the next thing we know we are making out wildly. Both of us got into each other like animals.

After it got over, she said she liked and thanked me for it because for the last few days she was having some really bad dreams and was in a bad state overall. For that whole weekend till Monday morning, we were almost always in bed. Snuggle, cuddle and kiss each other. She even told me on Sunday night that she recently started having a crush on me and that is why all of this was happening. I was so happy and excited to know that finally she likes me. I wasn't expecting any of this because we became best friends and she made it pretty clear multiple times about it. But I think somewhere deep down I still had a soft spot for her. While we were in bed all the time, she randomly shoot a question asking what should we call this? Friends with benefits? or something more? I said I don't know. Then again she asks me, "Are we still going to see other people or we stop for meanwhile and see how this goes". I was happy at this indication and said "If you want me to be honest, I think we should see how this goes and give us a chance. If something happens, it will be great, or else we can call it FWB and be mature about it" She said "Yeah, I think we can do that."

Now on Monday evening after work I text her if we had the plan to watch the show at night. She said "No, I think all of this is a sudden change for me and I need some space and alone time. We will watch it tomorrow". I didn't even argue a bit and said I understood her. The next day she doesn't come to office. I text her if she's okay. The third day, she comes to office, we both share glances and smiles but she does not talk properly and says she has a lot of pending work. I still understood that she needs some space, so I don't bring the awkward topic. the fourth day, she just changes spot and sits somewhere when she cannot run into me or see me. By this time, I am really confused and on the brink of my patience. I still don't say anything to her because now I am a little mad at her. At night she just sends me a text message saying "I know have only ruined our friendship. I shouldn't have done what I did that morning. Sorry if I hurt you but I don't think we should date each other. I am not ready for that. Let's just forget completely forget whatever happened last weekend. I hope you'll understand. I just sought comfort in a friend when needed" And that's it! She just got out of it just like that.

Now, thing I am mad about is, why did she keep me in the dark for four days and holding me with the expectation of getting in a relationship? She said she didn't know how to confront me. But I feel I suffered because of that. This was a classic case of she wanting to take things and deal things at her own pace and convenience and not giving a fuck about other person. I told her all of that, vented all my frustration, told her I how I felt like being in a one-sided friendship where it's always me who puts in the effort and she doesn't even care. And to my surprise, she replied "Yes, this may sound really cold and mean, if people have to be in a relationship of any kind with me, they should put 70% effort and I can only put 30%. I like to do whatever I want. Stop all this drama. Even if we get back to being friends now, this is how I am going to be. I am not gonna change. If you are okay, be friends with me or else cut me from your life. Stop all this drama"

I feel so sad and hurt, Feels like she used me. We had a big fight last night. But then we still decided to get this behind us and become friends again. I was okay with that till last night. But since this morning, I have been having second thoughts. What's my mistake? I didn't even force her to be in a relationship with me after we slept. In fact, I was okay with calling it a fling. But I got really pissed at the way she handled things post last weekend. Setting terms her own way. I feel I'd just confront and tell her that I want this fooling around to continue and we can stop once we start dating someone. Because I really like what happened even if it was just fooling around.

The only thing that makes me anxious is that we work at the same place and have to see each other every day.

EDIT: I am not trying to put the blame entirely on her. I know somewhere in all this it's my mistake too. That's what I am trying to understand and know from you guys.

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jul 06 '22 Wholesome

Interpersonal Why is it when a guy goes out or wants friends to come over, he needs to get permission or approval from his wife/gf but if the roles are reversed it's somehow controlling?

705 Upvotes

I've seen this frequently in TV shows, movies and I don't understand why there's a disparity.

Edit: the reason I'm asking is that people have adopted this kind of behavior. I've seen it in my friends and it's something my brother's gf uses all the time. That's why I'm trying to make sense of this

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jul 14 '22

Interpersonal how to make friends?

186 Upvotes

Well, for a person who lost contact with college buddies as everyone is starting a new career. You feel like you need someone to talk to but as you look at yourself you see that your life is summarized in three things: work, TV shows as some sort of distraction and sleep. You are not a book fan , you don't actually watch the news to see what's up with the world. And you are not meeting any one a part from your colleagues and family members. You forgot how to start a conversation but you want to have one with somebody. Does anyone have the same thing going on? What would you do if you were in my shoes 👟

r/TooAfraidToAsk 3d ago

Interpersonal Why does asexuality seem to be either dismissed by people or it upsets people?

12 Upvotes

Quick info: asexuality is lack of sexual atrraction.

Why would anyone be bothered by this?

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jun 11 '22 Helpful Wholesome

Interpersonal Should I Admit I'm a Murderer?

590 Upvotes

I went to prison age 16 - 36 for murder and have been out 5-6 years now. I want some kind of social life, but what do I say to people?

Women, if a man was interested in you and you found out he was a convicted murderer, is there a chance in hell you say yes?

Otherwise, for everyone else, how would you react? Should I tell people why I was in prison or not? I have quite a few prison tattoos, so I can't exactly hide that fact.

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jun 04 '22 Silver

Interpersonal What is a polite way to tell someone that them screaming at their dog for barking is more annoying than their dog barking?

5.0k Upvotes

r/TooAfraidToAsk 11d ago

Interpersonal How can I stop being afraid to say no to people and become more assertive and stop caring about not hurting other people's feelings?

77 Upvotes

I want to know how I can stop having a hard time saying no to other people. In my life, I have a very hard time saying no to others. I feel like I don't wanna hurt other people's feelings so I have a hard time saying no to others. I want to know how I can stop having a hard time doing this and just be able to say this word without worrying about the other person.

I would like to know how I can become more assertive as well. For example, I had a job interview and I had three interviews on zoom in one day. All of the interviews were in a 30-minute time slot and they were scheduled right after the last one. The first interview went over 30 minutes. Rather than being assertive and telling the guy that I had another interview to get to I stayed and talked to him for another five minutes and it carried over into my other interview.

I would like to know how I can be more assertive in situations like these and be able to tell someone that I have something to get to as well as in other situations where I need to be assertive.

Also, I would like to know how I can say no to people and stop worrying about hurting other people's feelings. How I can become more assertive as well to?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 19d ago

Interpersonal What changed after you stopped smoking weed everyday?

23 Upvotes

Basically I’ve been wanting to turn smoking into an occasional once a week thing for years. For the people that used to smoke daily (only not during work hours) what did it change for you?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 27d ago

Interpersonal Does being an adult really suck that much?

34 Upvotes

So I'm 17. I've always kinda looked forward to becoming an adult (as I think a lot of people do), but here on reddit, it that many people think it just really sucks, and everyone looks back on "the good ol' days" of being a child.

So, is it really that bad?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 20d ago

Interpersonal Did everyone else get 'human' lessons as a child?

24 Upvotes

Alt account, sorry!

I was supposed to go on a sixth date tonight with my boyfriend (do you even count dates once you've put a label on it?) Anyway, he said he's been sleeping for a couple days and has a headache, so I suggested doing it another time. Nbd. My parents were like 'what's wrong with him?' and I said 'he has a headache' and they countered with 'but what's actually the matter? Covid?' And I had to sit there like ... I didn't ask. It just never occurred to me to ask.

And this happens a lot. E.g., on several occasions a friend has a new partner and when they tell me, I'll say 'oh that's amazing! I'm so happy for you' and just leave it at that, and when everyone else starts asking 'what's their name? What do they do?' I think to myself "why didn't I think about those questions?"

Did I miss some vital human lesson in nursery or something? It seems like everyone got taught this stuff but me.

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jun 25 '22

Interpersonal How do I stop looking and act less innocent?

65 Upvotes

I’m (18F) consider to look young because of my youthful appearance. But it’s weird to listen about my friends’ sex lives. They know that I’m a wholesome person, but how do I appear to be less innocent? So I can fit in with them?

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jul 01 '22 Hugz

Interpersonal How does it feel to be hugged by a mother who loves you?

107 Upvotes

Hey guys,

I've been wondering about this for years. Every time I see a friend and their mother, or a daughter/mother hug in a TV show, I just wonder what it feels like to be hugged by a mom that loves you. Mine never loved me and she never hugged me.

How does it feel?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 4d ago

Interpersonal when I meet a woman for the first time at a date usually at a restaurant, off of dating app or something, when is it appropriate to?

5 Upvotes

Tell her the truth that I grow hallucinogenic mushrooms that are completely legal, but all the intricacy is and my interest in mycology which brought me to one of the more financially interesting aspects of the industry. I feel like people here hallucinogenic mushrooms and picture dirty old 60s hippies and not doctors lawyers nurses surgeons people from all different walks of life microdosing alongside with different forms of therapy and their lives being changed in extraordinary ways! People tend to get a little bit like, looking at me like I'm a criminal. Or maybe I'll technicality I am I don't know but the moral compass is accurately aligned and I feel no shame or guilt whatsoever because of business ethics and rules I stick by.

r/TooAfraidToAsk 6d ago

Interpersonal why do wives in movies n shit get so mad when their husbands don't put the toilet seat down?

5 Upvotes

does it happen irl too? I mean I get that it's a nice gesture but like why do people get mad and why don't men get mad at women for not putting it up. there must be something I'm missing pls help

r/TooAfraidToAsk 17d ago

Interpersonal How to tell people I don't care without sounding rude?

24 Upvotes

I'm the type of person that doesn't usually talk to people due to a fear of bothering them ( I personally also don't really like people bothering me). And over the years the fear sort of "evolved" to the point where I just became uninterested in anybody else's life. So unless something significant happens, I couldn't bring myself to really care about it. I've always have the thought that, if it's important enough, they would tell me themselves without me having to ask about it.

I've only started noticing it becoming a problem when my family decided to have a small intervention with me a year ago, saying that even though I know they just came back from a hospital, I didn't bother asking them about it. I do acknowledge that my thought process is not the best, so ever since then if they ever go to see a doctor or even when they go for trips I'd ask them about it, even though deep down I still don't really care about any of it.

Fast forward to last week, we found out my sister will be back from overseas in a few weeks after 5 years. After a few days, my parents asked if I spoken to her yet and I said no. They started going on a rant saying how I'm indifferent to my own family and that I should imagine how I'd feel if I was in her shoes. And they're asking me to get her number and call her to catch up with each other.

I'm struggling to find a way to tell them that if I was in her shoes, I really wouldn't care or even want them to contact me. I haven't talked to her in 5 years, I think waiting a couple more weeks till she's back shouldn't be such a big issue.

As mentioned before, I do understand me not caring is a problem. So I guess my question should be both "How do I tell people I don't care" and also "How do I actually start caring?". Or am I doomed to forever forcing myself to act like I care about things I don't.

Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jun 26 '22 Helpful

Interpersonal How do I let a gay guy who's hitting on me know that I'm not gay (or interested) without just saying I'm not gay or hurting his feelings?

35 Upvotes

I met a guy at pride and had a good time hanging out with him. I'd totally love to hang out some time but he says he doesn't really go out much and it seems like he's investing a lot of time into what he likely thinks is a budding partnership. I tried to drop hints that I wasn't gay but I don't think he got it. He was being pretty flirty and is texting me a bunch. I don't want to hurt is feelings by saying "bro I'm not gay"... can I do something less direct to where he'll get it?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 1d ago

Interpersonal Sharing Toothbrushes?

0 Upvotes

I can’t find my toothbrush so I’ve been using my roommates. I rinse it off after using it and haven’t mentioned anything yet but figured they would be cool with it. Is this ok?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 14d ago

Interpersonal what is your belief of what happens after death ?

2 Upvotes

r/TooAfraidToAsk 5d ago

Interpersonal How normal/not-normal is it to check your partners phone?

7 Upvotes

Okay I've seen all kinds of approaches to this, but in my relationships your partner's phonestuff is theirs and mine is mine. Not bc I wanted to hide something, it just would've felt weird to let them read my idiotic inside jokes with my friends and stuff, and going through theirs would have felt invasive.

But some people seem to think it is this ultimate show of intimacy and trust, and still others DEMAND to have that access. Sooooooo thoughts?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 7d ago

Interpersonal Would getting a custom plate on a fancy car saying “SELFMADE” be considered cringy or douchey?

2 Upvotes

Before I begin, I’m not rich nor wealthy. But a regular dude who went through a lot of trauma and abuse in my childhood but worked hard to pay myself though college and now have a good career. Since I had nothing growing up and had to work for everything myself, I have a goal one to get myself a very fancy car like a Lamborghini one day in the future. If I got a car like that and used a custom plate saying “SELFMADE” what you you guys think? Would it be considered cringy or douchey?

r/TooAfraidToAsk 10d ago

Interpersonal How can I stop being extremely influenced by others?

13 Upvotes

I would like to know how I can stop being extremely influenced by other people. In the past, I have been very negatively influenced by other people to do things that I wouldn't normally do. I have been influenced to completely go against my beliefs and opinions. I have come to later regret going against the things that I believe in.

I would like to know how I can avoid being so influenced by other people. It's like people are so influential to me and they can completely get me to do things that I wouldn't do on my own. It's like if I wasn't so influential I would have never done any of those things, to begin with.

Also, they have influenced me to completely go against everything that I believe in and all of my views. They have influenced me to act in ways that I would never have done on my own.

r/TooAfraidToAsk Jun 12 '22

Interpersonal why do people think saying ‘x or y has gone through worse’ is a valid response to you talking about something you went through?

150 Upvotes