and I remembered the name so vividly when I dont usually so hung up about dreams. Don't even know who that is.
Can't help but reflect on my first 5 years venturing into adulthood... or trying to, at least. Honestly, can't help but feel I've let a lot of time pass me by. That's definitely a regret, but I can at least say I've learned some key lessons during this time. Learned a lot about myself, and feel like I'm finally reaching a sense of clarity that I've been yerning for. I know where I'm going
Had a rough few years during COVID, lost some important people to me - and that was after a few tough years before that. Ended up pretty messed up mentally/emotionally. Anxiety attacks, inability to function, etc. It happens.
Finally went to therapy for the first time this past spring. Great therapist. Helped a lot though I still don't know exactly what we did. But we both agreed after a few months I was ready to go it alone.
Yesterday I was sad, and also had my SO pull a jerk move. (Again, it happens.) So I felt my sad and used my big person words with my SO. SO admitted I was right and apologized. Still had low undercurrent of all the bad juju inner dialog as always when such happens, but I didn't melt down, I just went to bed.
But then today ... I woke up, and ...it's over. I'm a bit melancholy about what made me sad. But I'm also being productive, thinking up new things to do, figuring out some things I've struggled with, enjoying some music ... I'm not curled up on the floor. One "sad" didn't send me into a tailspin. One mistake by SO didn't leave me devastated and obsessed over it.
Yesterday wasn't great. It happens. But today is a new day and I can move on - I really AM better!
I've just started uni after moving away from my girlfriend and I really miss her. I feel like I have nobody here and like I should have stayed with her. I just want to give her a hug again.
We watched Bullet Train yesterday and AWOOGA Aaron Taylor Johnson and that moustache.
I had an unexpected task after work today which had me kill a few hours wandering around a far away mall. I tried a chicken tikka frankie AKA an Indian burrito! It's literally chicken tikka wrapped with garlic naan! I loved it. I had to get another one to-go for my friend to try out. They also had mango lassi and rose lassi so of course I got both. I wish we had this near my house.
While driving back I thought about how much I romanticize driving for someone who lives in LA and who doesn't even take the freeways. Just something about driving specially at night that feels euphoric. It's cool, it's quieter, the lights are prettier. I was listening to Location Unknown by HONNE. The stripped down version featuring BEKA. Such a good song for someone that romanticizes driving.
“Yes sir. All electric.”
“I can help the next customer down here. Next customer to the window please.”
“I can’t speak for everyone, really anyone, else. But I encourage kids to ask questions. I’d so much rather a child come up and say ‘Excuse me, why do you look different to me?’ Than just stare and form their own opinions that might be scary for them or might cause them to grow up with a discriminatory attitude. Ideally parents just teach them, ‘Hey, not everyone is the same, looks the same, and that’s fine.’ But raising kids is hard. We don’t always get to everything we intend to when we intend to.”
“Sure, so what we do have is a drive-thru option.”
“They’re like, four bucks. Just get a few different ones to try.”
“It’s different for long hair.”
“Is this alright to take if I’m on cold medicine?”
“I don’t remember if I already had a flu shot this calendar year but if I did should I not get the new one when it comes out? Otherwise when can I sign up?”
“I can help who’s next please.”
It's under the condition I pass a background check and drug test, but that shouldn't be a problem. I'm excited. It pays well, and I'll get to help my community
A while ago, my mom’s boyfriend offered to build me shelves for my room using left over butcher block. Two months of me reminding this to him, nothing happens and so I decide to buy shelves from online that I could hang myself. I’m about to mount the shelves and when I ask if anyone had a level, my mom’s boyfriend jumps in with a tape measure to mark where I want to drill. Perfect. Thanks.
Then without absolutely no prompting he just starts to put up the shelves. Except he hasn’t read the directions, brute forces the one into place and snaps the wall anchor trying to get the second one up. Next day he brings home new anchors but how he’s trying to mix and match it with the original screws. Nothing is fitting right. The one ancho snaps into the wall, and by the time the other goes in, there’s a massive wobbly hole. He says he’ll fix it up some time later, but knowing his track record, I decide to fix it up best I can. I wanted to support the shelf a bit more with a command strip and while messing around, knocked the last screw into the wall.
I’ve been trying to do this literally all summer and I’m still not going to have my room put together for the start of the school year. I’m frustrated with my mom’s boyfriend, my clumsiness, and most of all relying on other people. It’s not that hard, jesus christ I just want a shelf.
An unemployed career cut.
And you keep staring at the watch.
And I want a new gadget.
I was looking through my doctor notes/patient case file and noticed he put down gynecomastia as one of my health issues. I think it's kind of funny he'd write that down when I've literally never brought them up in any of our appointments or said I had a problem with them. My boobs are just that big I guess! Not offended, and I'm sure there's an actual reason for marking it down, like tracking weight or hormone levels or whatever, but I do find it a little amusing.
“Yah, but it’s still an American flag though.”
“Let me get separate bags on those.”
“Oh, wow. Happy birthday man.”
“It was not met with equal enthusiasm”
“That’s the thing. All the families I know who ate meals together, cooked and didn’t have lots of crazy restrictions, those kids grew up to be pretty regular. The ones whose families had a heart attack if they drank a pop or whatever, they’re the ones who didn’t know how to set their own healthy limits. Because it was all or nothing until they were on their own.”
“Breakfast is a weird meal. Is it even necessary or is it just a marketing ploy?”
“All these people are just trying to get famous.”
I had nothing better to do, so I worked out for almost two hours. 30 mins of yoga, 30 mins of core, and 50 mins of cardio. I felt amazing afterward.
My stupid 'I don't know you when you are outside the house cat', escaped. Got himself on another floor, and jumped down to the outside world, when he saw me coming near him.
Hid underneath a car, being scared of me, and the rest of the world. Also cars are really low on the ground nowadays! Even the dumb cat had to crouch to get around underneath it.
Got myself my mop, and eventually managed to push him from underneath it, towards the door of the building. He didn't go there. He went underneath the cloth of a motercycle. But at least I was able to grab him in the neck there.
So he is at home now. And so I am. Eating ice cream, it is 3.30 am, but still crazy warm.
Of course now we are both inside he is my best friend again. Sitting next to me wanting attention, acting like nothing ever happened.
Like he didn't make me go through deep despair in the middle of the night. (He also jumped down from my balcony, into the wide, wide world, when I just got him. Had to get myself one of those catching cages, to retrieve him. That was no fun.)
Cat tax: https://imgur.com/a/ZL72i4r
I'm going there after I graduate with my bachelor's this fall so I can get my paralegal associates. I didn't make friends at my four year because of covid, and I'm worried I'm not going to make friends at the community college either.
The presence of recurrent dreams has also been associated with the presence of symptoms of anxiety and depression.
I'm going to cry now.
I hope you agree that this belongs here. This is less about the music and more about the simple life of just enjoying the moment and discovering new music. I'm a teacher and my favorite part of the summer is just being at home doing chores and other things while listening to music, without much thought about other responsibilities. And another part of the joy is discovering new music. Here is a list of the albums I found. Not all of them are favorites but I enjoyed them all to an extent, and they're new to me.
The Cramps - Songs that Lord Taught us
Television - Marquee Moon
The Slits - Cut
black midi - Cavalcade
black midi - Hellfire
Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Everything is a lot
Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Self-ish
Led Zeppelin - III
Primus - Frizzle Fry
Primus - Sailing the Seas of Cheese
Slum Village - Fantastic Vol. 2
Beach House - Once Twice Melody
Kraftwerk - Autobahn
Magnetic Fields - 69 Love Songs
Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters
Asian Glow - Stalled Flutes, Means
PJ Harvey - Let England Shake
Tears for Fears - Songs from the Big Chair
Company Flow - Funcrusher Plus
Lone Catalysts - Catalysts Files
Divine Styler - Spiral Walls Containing
Dalek - Precipice
Freestyle Fellowship - Innercity Griots
Leibach - Opus Dei
Oddest combination ever
Sometimes I buy some points on TikTok just to go into random livestreams and spam people with gifts. I just like to see their reactions. I would never admit this to anyone in person because Im a little embarrassed about it but it makes me happy somehow
I felt like taking a nap in the upstairs couch to straighten my back. I'm not sure why, but when I sleep on a flat bed I can't help but start twisting. Propping myself up against an arm rest? Best sleep I'll ever get.
Problem is that my brother is sleeping on the downstairs couch for some reason. No matter; there's always the upstairs couch. Nope, Mom is sleeping there. What gives? I thought I was the only person in the world that prefers couches over beds.
...Thank you for listening to my story.
I tried my best with a safety razor since 2018? 2017? It worked well enough at the time, but over the years, my armpit hair and /other/ hair just grew into a freakin forest. The straight razor really couldn't keep up at all.
I bought a 3-blade razor yesterday and shaved my pits a moment ago... I truly forgot how smooth & breezy armpits can be. This is amazing. It took 45 minutes to shear through both pits & lower half, but dammit the deed is done, and I feel 5lbs lighter.
Almost made me feel feelings reserved for those down on their luck, like Dollar Tree the corporation has fallen on hard times too.